is he doing more harm than good?

LegacyUser

Hi,

I need a bit of advice.

I met this guy in September last year through a friend of mine. We got on well etc and I met him a couple of weeks later. Things went really well but we decided to just be friends as there was a distance issue which we didnt feel we would survive. So as much as I was hurt and upset with that, i accepted it.

So then we are still talking etc and then one day he says that he made a mistake and that he wanted to give us another go. So I go see him for the weekend and we had a great time etc. So during the week after that we are talking and stuff and he says that there will be a few weeks in between visits to which I got quite annoyed with for obvioud reasons. Then he says he doesnt think it will work. So again I am extremely hurt and upset and we dont talk for a few weeks.

Then i texted him to find out how things were etc and we get back talking. I was moving to where he lives and needed advice on where to live etc.

Then he drops a bombshell that it wasnt me he wanted the second time round - he says he was just feeling lonely and that I could have been anoyone basically.

This Im quite upset about but somehow I still spoke to him. Then last night we were talking about stupid mistakes and he said that he had made one with me!

So my question is, is he doing more harm than good? Should I just cut all ties with him as I think he is making me worse (I have some issues with my self at the moment)

The thing is there is something in me that just keeps going back to him and talking to him!! I have no idea what it is.

Any advice is appreciated. Sorry for the long post!

RedXIV

Sounds like he's looking for an easy ride to be honest lass. I could be wrong, it has happened in the past but for him to decide to try again when he hears you're moving back doesn't bode well for me at all

Beruthiel

Donno if you've ever seen that Simpsons episode where Lisa wires up a muffin to see how many times Bart will electrocute himself before he cops on that he shouldn't be touching it.

You seem to keep going back for more, even though you've been given many reasons not to.....

AngryBadger

Beruthiel wrote: »

Donno if you've ever seen that Simpsons episode where Lisa wires up a muffin to see how many times Bart will electrocute himself before he cops on that he shouldn't be touching it.

You seem to keep going back for more, even though you've been given many reasons not to.....

+1

EDIT: Ah no, that's not really on. What I said originally I mean. But still, fully behind that "+1" up there.

Spud83

He is looking for a f*ck-buddy. If you are happy with this go ahead if not dont.

LegacyUser

No you have it wrong about the f*ck buddy thing.

We havent been together since i moved down and havent been since the last time which was late last year.

Its not about that. Its about the stuff he says - as in I was a stupid mistake etc etc.

He doesnt want to be with me but Im not sure what he is trying to do by saying all these things!

Aurora Borealis

You deserve more than mixed messages. Cut contact. If he sorts his head out and decides he does want to give things a proper go then he'll surely have the gumption to put himself out there and contact you. You hanging around in hope and/or confusion is not fair or good for you.

Spud83

moreharm? wrote: »

No you have it wrong about the f*ck buddy thing.

We havent been together since i moved down and havent been since the last time which was late last year.

Its not about that. Its about the stuff he says - as in I was a stupid mistake etc etc.

He doesnt want to be with me but Im not sure what he is trying to do by saying all these things!

Sorry I had things the wrong way around.

Defo cut contact, he sounds like a head wreck, no idea what he trying to accomplish. There is enough in life to bring you down without surrounding yourself with people that do it.

flyingdagger

Cut all ties and walk away OP-delete any numbers/emails etc.At the risk of sounding blunt and from what you've posted-do you not think you deserve better treatment than this?Everyone makes mistakes.We're meant to lean from them.However it's when you repeatedly make the same mistake over and over and expect a different result each time.....

He sounds like he's playing games or doesn't have a clue what he wants.There is someone out there that will treat you with respect,love and will be honest.Why wait around getting more upset with each rejection/mind change from this guy.He'll walk all over your feelings.There may be stuff going on with him that you have no idea about.

You mention "something in me that just keeps going back to him and talking to him".Why is this?It's simple-if you keep in contact you'll keep getting hurt.

hairymolly

alanmurphy83 wrote: »

Sorry I had things the wrong way around.

Defo cut contact, he sounds like a head wreck, no idea what he trying to accomplish. There is enough in life to bring you down without surrounding yourself with people that do it.

+1

LaVidaLoca

He has already admitted to you that he doesnt fancy you. That is not something anyone ever makes a mistake about.

I have done this to a girl before myself. I was heartbroken about a girl I really liked, and was just about ready to through in the towel on the whole thing.

I went out with a girl I didnt fancy at all for 2 months, simply cause I was lonely enough to just to want to have a girlfriend, any girldfriend.

Sorry to put it like this. But that is what it sounds like to me.

LegacyUser

Ive been sitting with my phone for the past hour trying to delete his number and i cant!

This is crazy!!

I do think thats what it is LaVidaLoca. But in saying that, its not that we are together or anything.... its just his comments about me etc that are getting to me!

Its like he is trying to keep me down so that he can feel better about himself?

Or else he is trying to keep me in the frame of mind I am in now so that he can come across as the "nice guy" when he trys to help me??

misswex

Would you not just ask him to stop telling you it was a 'mistake', that you ye both have moved on and why does he feel it necessary to keep bringing up the fact that ye got together at one stage and if he still wants you as a friend he will take stock and listen to what your saying and realise its not very nice and not necessary.

JackieO

If he wanted to be with you then he would - he's got no excuse now as the distance is no longer an issue.

He doesn't really want to be with you but nothing better has come along yet so he is just stringing you along because he has nothing better to be amusing himself with.

Don't waste your time over-analysing what he is saying about having made a mistake. His actions speak louder than his words. And he is still not with you so that says it all.

Cut all ties with him and move on. They is definately nicer people out there who will not mess you around and try to play mind games with you. As long as you are still hung up on him you will not even entertain these people.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all your repsonses guys

I have texted him to tell him i think its better that we cut contact for a while at least.

I feel so bad now though!

Redpunto

moreharm? wrote: »

Thanks for all your repsonses guys

I have texted him to tell him i think its better that we cut contact for a while at least.

I feel so bad now though!

Well done missus, personally I would have told him to F**k off but well done.:)Please cut ALL ties with this guy,,he is messing with your head and knows it,,he has no respect for you,,,,and remember to treat yourself with respect as well.

LegacyUser

Well its been a whole weekend without contacting him and I dont know how I feel about it.

I feel worse than I would do if i had been in contact I think...

but Im sure that will go....