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A Few Funnies

  • 08-05-2008 8:14am
    #1
    kf1920
    Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭


    Early one morning, the milkman was doing his rounds. He stopped at a house to ask for his monthly fee, only to find a small boy at the door slurping from a beer bottle, smoking a Havana cigar, and with his arm around what appeared to be a call-girl. Surprised, the milkman asked the boy if his parents were home.

    "Does it look like it?"

    A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman.

    The policeman said, "Take that sheep to the zoo, now."

    Next day the policeman sees the man with the sheep again.

    The policeman stops the guy and says, "What on earth are you doing with that sheep?"

    The guy says, "What is there to do? Yesterday I took him to the zoo and now I’m taking him to the movies."

    Ever since the Bush daughters got into trouble with the law for underage drinking, the President has lectured them constantly about the evils of alcohol. His daughters were tired of having the same conversation week after week, so they finally said, "Okay daddy, we understand about drinking already, but you've never talked about to us about sex."

    Getting very upset, W. chided the twins: "Young ladies, we do not use that dirty four-letter word in our home!"

    A man calls the Animal Control in his town, because there is a crazed gorilla on his roof, and he can't figure out how to get it down safely. Soon, a van pulls up, and an old man gets out, carrying a small dog, a baseball bat, and a gun. He hands the man the gun.

    "Okay, here's what we do. I'm going to go up onto your roof, and threaten the gorilla with this baseball bat until he falls down. When he falls down, this little dog will bite him in the balls until he's incapacitated."

    "Great," says the man. "But what's the gun for?"

    "In case I fall down instead of the gorilla -- shoot the dog."
    SpellChecker

    Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew

    Q. What did the sign on the door of the brothel say?
    A. Beat it! We're closed.

    A drunk guy is walking down the street. He sees this nun, runs up and knocks her over. He says, "You don't feel so tough now, do you, Batman!?"






    Sorry if any of these are reposts, i havent seen them on here anyway


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