Long-term illness in family - how to cope?

LegacyUser

There must be thousands of people out there like me. My dad has been severely disabled due to a massive stroke and will never come home as he needs 24 hour nursing care for the rest of his life. He's in his 60s. We are an extremely close-knit family, we have never had any major misfortune in our lives so far and so this has been an enormous blow to us - particularly my mother. It happened close on a year ago and it has been up and down hill with regard to his health for the past while. It's been ****, to put it bluntly.

How do other people cope with this type of long-term illness in a family? I think I'm doing ok mostly but every time I think of how he is now and compare him to how he was - or even to think of his future and his poor quality of life I just dissolve into tears. A year on I feel I should be coping a bit better with it but it hasn't got any better- in fact it seems to get worse. I feel it's affecting my personal and sometimes my work life (more easily tired and stressed now, etc). How do I learn to cope?

CathyMoran

Hi,

You have my sympathies. My mum also had a massive stroke 3.5 years ago and requires constant care. I find that thinking of my mum in the present and not thinking about the past really helps - that is the only way I can describe it. It is not easy but you can cope. Best wishes.

Lawless_Samurai

Gonna sound like a broken record here to anyone who has read my posts relating to these kind of issues but...

Have alot in common with your situation in my Mother, up until She passed away last September, was critically ill for three years. She became first wheelchair bound and then in her last year bed bound. Like you I have a very close knit family and I can honestly say it helped tremendously. My dad gave up his buisness to look after Her and when I wasn't busy with college I tried to help.

In how to cope I can't really tell you that, only offer you my experience and hope that helps. I know my brother saw a counciller for awhile and said it helped him alot. I never did that mainly because I felt it would not benefit me but I have only heard good things about it. I think I coped by doing what was best for me at the giving time.

Sometimes things got too hard to deal with I would detach completly. I was lucky I have great friends who helped me relax when I needed most. Going for a drink or a game of poker or just hanging out doing nothing in particular. They will never really know how much that helped me during some of the harder times.

Other times I found spending time with my mam either by looking after her of just sitting with her telling her about my day helped in a different way. My dad believes that the reason my Mam fought for Her life for three years (we were told on many occasions she had not long to live) was just to see her lads grow up. There is me and my two brothers. I was 17 & my younger brother was 15 when She first fell ill. My younger brother went to his debs last year and before he left show cased his tux for my Mam. She was so happy seeing him just as he left in the limo. Three weeks later my Mam passed away.

I dunno if that helped at all but I hope its giving you some thought. If all else fails you are more then welcome to PM me anytime. My heart goes out to you and your family and especially your father.

Take care