where to break up?

berno17

After alot of thought and deliberation I have decided that I have to end my relationship with my girlfriend. We have been going out for just over a year. This has been my first serious relationship and although I have had a fantastic time the spark has gone and deep down I know that it's not going to work.

I have finally worked up the courage to end it but I am unsure of where to do this. I was thinking of going round to hers but she has a big family who often interupt us. I wouldnt want her to come to mine and then have to drop her home or make her get a taxi. The idea of a public place also worries me incase it doesnt go so well and we both end up in tears.

Any suggestions?

Thanks in advance,

doubting thomas

Nevyn

Some where netrual, pick a park or a cafe and bring with her anything that she has left in yours. Some where close to where she lives so she can get home asap.

BJC

I appreciate your difficult situation berno17, I was there myself not long ago and it's not a pretty sight especially if she has no idea it's coming. I'd definitley advise not doing it in her house because interruptions aside I don't think her family would appreciate it or you in the long run. Thaedydal got it on the mark imo. Somewhere neutral and close to hers, although you might want to give her her stuff back a little bit later on as that could really crush her.

Corkgirl21

As someone who was given all her stuff at the time DO NOT DO THIS! It was so insulting, it made it so much worse. It seems cold and heartless.

The neutral, close to her house thing seems ok though.

BJC

Corkgirl21 wrote: »

As someone who was given all her stuff at the time DO NOT DO THIS! It was so insulting, it made it so much worse. It seems cold and heartless.

The neutral, close to her house thing seems ok though.

jellie

dunno i think id agree with having the stuff with you. doesnt make things easier to have to meet up again to get your stuff.

but i wouldnt agree with somewhere like a park or a public place. if my bf was breaking up with my id want it somewhere private that i could cry without being embarassed.

cjmcork

do what a classy ex of mine did - text me after a 3 year relationship, then do it again in my office after work..........what a prize i missed

Velvet Vocals

maybe call round to her house but suggest that you go for a walk or drive or something. so that you're near to her home but you wont be interrupted.
I'm with everyone on this, don't bring the stuff, it's too harsh. I can see why it might be a good idea not to have to see each other again too soon, but it would be so hurtful to have all your stuff handed back to you right after you've been dumped.

Best of luck man! Its nice that you're looking for advice on how to do this, shows that you really respect her!!

biko

Don't bring her stuff. I've done this and think this added insult to injury.
Give it to her some days after, or have a common friend give it to her.

Tigger

its mad to see how hard it can be to break up with someone
nothing you do will help

try to leave her her dignity i donno what age she is but if she's young she might beg you not to go so a public place will either stop here from doing that or make her look bad i suggest somewhere near her house or in her house if you can then walk away and say its too painfull to be there or you will end up fluffing it

i was dumped on the phone once before txt and i reckond she'd have done txt if it'd been invented so face to face is the way to go but if yer away from her home its a worry of how she'll get home so at or near her house

good luck

DD

My opinion is that you should tell her during the day, try a coffee place or smth else.
I still remember when my first bf ended up with me 12 years ago....we met up for a coke and he brought me flowers for my birthday....he told me that I will leave for college (me: 2 years older) and he doesn't like the long distance rships.
I still remember the long walking home I have made alone, trying to make some order in my head and in my heart

Cmol

Whatever you do just make sure its in person!!!!!!

Toots

Thaedydal wrote: »

Some where netrual, pick a park or a cafe and bring with her anything that she has left in yours. Some where close to where she lives so she can get home asap.

I think this is a good idea, maybe a park might be good, cos if you are in a cafe and she starts getting very upset, she'll be even more upset with everyone staring at her while she cries into her coffee.

I wouldn't be too sure about bringing her stuff with her when you're going to break up with her, cos if she sees you walking towards her with a big bag of her things she'll probably cop straight away what you're going to do. That'd be a pretty sh*tty way to find out IMO, it'd be better if you broke it to her gently, and gave her time to come to terms with it before possibly meeting up to give her any stuff of hers that you have (or arrange it through a mutual friend if you're not comfortable meeting up). I think meeting her, telling her it's over and then handing her all her things would come across a bit harsh TBH.

Latchy

Just curious but i wonder if just as OP was about to give her the bad news she stopped him and said '' listen (John, paul george whoever) i have somthing to tell you ,this is very hard for me and i have mulled over it for weeks but ....i;m sorry but it.....it........it's over ''

Wonder how he would react in that scenario ? As i say , just curious

vincenzo1975

pick a public place close to the person she confides in the most. Her freind or her mother i would guess. Do it on a friday evening or Saturday to give her and you time to get yourselves together before work on Monday. I would recommend somewhere fairly peaceful with not too many around, such as a large park or beach type area.

Dont let the meeting go on too long, the soone you get into it, the more courage you will have.

be gentle, best of luck

Lollipops23

i've been there OP, it's a pain in the bum!you don't want the added upset of people nearby listening in on a very private conversation it's understandable!I think perhaps going to hers when you know there'll be nobody around(everybody in work,school etc) would be the best idea-she's on her territory and will feel a bit more secure.

My first r/ship ended in my living room-i don't know how i'd have made the journey home the state i was in!not trying to make you feel worse though!!:)

BJC

latchyco wrote: »

Just curious but i wonder if just as OP was about to give her the bad news she stopped him and said '' listen (John, paul george whoever) i have somthing to tell you ,this is very hard for me and i have mulled over it for weeks but ....i;m sorry but it.....it........it's over ''

Wonder how he would react in that scenario ? As i say , just curious

WooHoo..?:pac:

Aurora Borealis

Velvet Vocals wrote: »

maybe call round to her house but suggest that you go for a walk or drive or something. so that you're near to her home but you wont be interrupted.
I'm with everyone on this, don't bring the stuff, it's too harsh. I can see why it might be a good idea not to have to see each other again too soon, but it would be so hurtful to have all your stuff handed back to you right after you've been dumped.

Best of luck man! Its nice that you're looking for advice on how to do this, shows that you really respect her!!

+1

jenga-jen

Don't bring her stuff!!!

Let her calm down and the dust settle before the swap unless its stuff either of you can't do without.

I recently felt me and my (now ex) bf needed some space from what we were both saying/feeling.

I took my stuff out of his house. That act offended him so much that he decided we were over and he couldn't love me anymore. So if you've any hope of being friends tread carefully.

Not same situation just saying that there's a lot of emotion tied up in the stuff you guys have swapped around over your time together.

Also g'luck, it's hard but i'm sure it'll ultimately be for the best.

RedXIV

latchyco wrote: »

Just curious but i wonder if just as OP was about to give her the bad news she stopped him and said '' listen (John, paul george whoever) i have somthing to tell you ,this is very hard for me and i have mulled over it for weeks but ....i;m sorry but it.....it........it's over ''

Wonder how he would react in that scenario ? As i say , just curious

Happened to a mate of mine. He pretended to take it hard and hung his head. she felt terrible and went over to console him and let slip that two of her friends really thought he was a nice guy.

3 days later, my mate set up his current relationship with one of these girl, still going strong too

berno17

latchyco wrote: »

Just curious but i wonder if just as OP was about to give her the bad news she stopped him and said '' listen (John, paul george whoever) i have somthing to tell you ,this is very hard for me and i have mulled over it for weeks but ....i;m sorry but it.....it........it's over ''

Wonder how he would react in that scenario ? As i say , just curious

I don't know if "woo hoo" would quite be my reaction! I would probably explain how I had been feeling too and say that I agree with her and that as much as I want it to it's just not working. It's been a fun year but it's run its course.

Thanks for the advice everyone, you've made a very difficult and heart-wrenching task that little bit clearer. I think im going to pick her up and we'll go to her local park, it's within walking distance for her to get home incase she doesnt take it too well.

Thanks again folks.