Can you be friends with you ex?

Lipraloof

Interested to hear people opinion on this. Is it really worth the hassle? Is their always gona something there? Opinions much appreciated!:cool:

Creamy Goodness

totally depends on the situation of the break up tbh.

suzy5978

definatley yes.depends on how you broke up.i was friends with a few exs but had to cut all contact because my new bf wasnt happy.

Lipraloof

suzy5978 wrote: »

definatley yes.depends on how you broke up.i was friends with a few exs but had to cut all contact because my new bf wasnt happy.

Well consider she broke up with u and is back on the scene trying to make up. Ive no interest in getttin involved again even tho id like to cause I know it won't work. So should I tell Im not interested in being friends or should I just bite my lip say notting and at least be friends with her? Better than notting?

suzy5978

you see in my situation we both knew that we wernt going to get back together so it was even terms.but your ex wants to make a go of it you say?id probably just have a bit of time apart and see how it goes.hope this helps! ---sorry just seen that she broke up with you,id still say let the air settle and then see if yous can still be friends.

I really think it depends on the people and how far the relationship went. If you were dumped and very much in love well i wouldnt suggest it being a good idea as you need time to move on. Thats harder if they are always around. You should know yourself.

wylo

I really dont think so,it was a disaster for me years ago and I see it being a disaster with other friends.

Chochese

If you don't want to be friends, you should tell her so but take into consideration how much she would mean to you as a friend. I suppose it would depend on how long you were going out together. I was going out with my ex for 2 and a half years when we finished, but I realised that I couldn't not be friends with someone after being so close to them for that long.

I do have to add though, even though we're close friends now, there was a 8 or 9 month period when we didn't talk and didn't get on so well, but both of us came around and it's great to have a mate who knows me so well.

Kelly O'Malley

Of course you can be friends with exes.Who knows you better?

It takes a couple of months to get over the sting of the split but after that they're the best opposite sex friends you can have.NO SEXUAL TENSION! You've been there done that.Aint going there again!

If you didn't LIKE the person what were you doing with them in the first place?

My exes (as a 50+ single I've a few of them) are my BEST friends - their wives too!

wombat

Kelly O'Malley wrote: »

Of course you can be friends with exes.Who knows you better?

It takes a couple of months to get over the sting of the split but after that they're the best opposite sex friends you can have.NO SEXUAL TENSION! You've been there done that.Aint going there again!

If you didn't LIKE the person what were you doing with them in the first place?

My exes (as a 50+ single I've a few of them) are my BEST friends - their wives too!

I'm with Kelly there - My most recent ex was invited to my wedding, I'm invited to hers and with the exception of one short lived and somewhat terrifying relationship with a girl who was using me to make her psychotic boyfriend jealous I'm still close to anyone I went out with for any length of time.
That said, they were all healthy relationships, the crazy girl was one I couldn't get out of easily without risking a beating or someone being cut (me most likely) so it boils down to whether they're exes because of an amicable separation involving growing apart or realising you weren't right for each other or whether you realised that you were moving house soon and she'd never find you.

Abi

This only works so long as you both genuinely feel no sexual attraction for each other anymore. But there is usually one or the other that seems to not have enough closure, if not both.

Thats what makes it difficult to maintain a friendship in the aftermath. The fact of the matter is, both know each other on an intimate level. Unless you are inhuman, the emotions during the event tend to re-visit you.

RedXIV

I've never had a relationship end and me not get on with the ex still.

1) They know me too well to forget about it
2) We never ended on anything serious like cheating etc
3) I'm too lazy to hold a grudge

In fact i'd say to this day that two of my best friends in the world are ex's.

Kelly O'Malley

Nothing to do with inhumanity.

Everything to do with honesty...

Overheal

if it ends amicably, sure. When one of you still harbors feelings for the other: shit happens.

Susannahmia

Lipraloof wrote: »

Interested to hear people opinion on this. Is it really worth the hassle? Is their always gona something there? Opinions much appreciated!:cool:

OOOh imo no way, if I break up with anyone I cut off all contact. If I didn't I would probably never fully get over them. I have seen too many weird situations between people who decide to be friends after, it almost always ends up in weirdness and tears.

topper75

I have a bit of experience with this and think that it is too awkward. If you had feelings before then they will be there to some extent. If you are serious about moving on, then trying to stay friends is delusionary at best and dangerous at worst. I thought I succeeded in doing this in the past with 2 girls, but in reality I always had some feelings and would have been better off leaving it. That is not to say you should hold a grudge, but simply that friendship is not a good idea. It is naive really.

LegacyUser

You can definitely be friends with an ex but it depends. Im still best friends with my first boyfriend. We have a laugh and no feelings involved whatsoever. Its very important to ensure there are no feelings in the way. Another ex I would have liked to have stayed friends with but he didnt like my OH and used to get moody if I mentioned him.

Kelly O'Malley

Reluctantly have to admit it -much as I hate to - the 'No Way voters' have a point.It depends on the maturity of the individuals how well a post-relationship friendship will work and the foundation for the former relationship.

The younger and/or dafter the two halves are the less likely it is but even then I think - with a long enough 'dust settling' period - it is still too valuable a potential for a good friendship to be thrown away.IF the partner was someone that was genuinely liked in the first place.

If they were just a 'leg over' that one had no respect for there's little chance they'll be more likeable after the split up...

kittensoft1984

depends on the circumstances of the break up.

Im still really good friends with one of my exes.

In fairness though, it was a mutual break up so there was no hard feelings on either side.

If there was i doubt you could remain friends.

Femelade

every case is different, i would be on speaking terms to a few of my ex's. My boyfriends ex caused alot of trouble for us as she got extremely jealous and after 6 years of them being apart, the moment i started seeing him she decided they should be friends. I didnt think so, and he didnt either,took her a while to realise that though.

helimachoptor

Like most people here OP, it depends on the situation.
2 of my serious ex's we broke up badly and didnt speak for a long time. Which was what was needed as we had to get over each other.

Now though we have the odd email etc catching up. These people were an important part of my life for a long time and its good to see how they are every now and again.

Dark Artist

Personally, I ended with my ex on bad terms, and we live in the same house so I'm stuck with her for another five months. We're apart two months now and I'm still finding it impossible to get over her or consider her a friend.

So I guess it depends on whether you end on good or bad terms.

Kelly O'Malley

You haven't had a chance to let the dust settle Artist.What a horrible situation you're in.Congratulations for not having committed murder yet!

Time and distance and you'll feel differently.

Wibbs

Only if it's mutual, both of you have moved on(usually in other relationships) and enough time has passed. Otherwise no. If one of the people is stil holding a torch for the other then someone will get hurt or not heal.

Creachadóir

I wish I could stay friends with my ex because we were good friends before we got together.

Nothing bad happened during the break-up, but I'm too hurt to be friends now. To be honest, I don't know what we'd talk about, because too many subjects would really be off limits.

Initially, I felt bad because he's going through a rough patch. However, post-breakup, I think my rough patch is worse than his, so I need space.

Maybe we can be friends again. However, although I'm not a jealous person in general, I can't imagine feeling ok when he moves onto someone else...which is not helped my regularly meeting him in our only local nightclub since it happened.

So in summary, I guess some people can be friends. I guess it depends on age and circumstances. If both parties want to be friends, it could probably work out. However, I'd say that in the majority of cases where one person was dumped, that it'd be too painful for a long time.

GrumPy

Wouldn't be cool with it tbh. Even if I was in a new, better relationship.

Rattlehead_ie

It can tottally work as long as, as the others have said, the break is in somewhat good terms. It does work well and you can make a great friendship out of it

pretty*monster

I'm very good friends with some of my exs but I've very much in favour of a (long) cooling off period before friendship should be attempted. I had a boyfriend a couple of years ago who broke up with me and wanted to remain friends and just could not accept that I needed at least a month of not seeing him to cool off and get him out of my system before I could handle going for frindly pints and all that lark.

LegacyUser

Yes you can be friends with your ex. Myself and my one ended very badly, us arguing and fighting all the time and both going through severe bouts of depression brought on by this. It didn't help that we were living at the same house as well.

It's nearly 2 years on and we are better friends than we've ever been. My current girlfriend doesn't mind it too much as she knows how bad it got for me and that I don't want to go back to that ever again.