What should I do-VERY worried....?

Karlrove

Hello, I've recently read a few posts on here related to my problem...Im 25,going out with a girl for 2 months..realy like her,shes 26. Anyway we didnt have sex for first 6/7 weeks due to different reasons. Anyway,Ive had problems getting and keeping an erection during sex.
It's happened on a few occasions and its on my mind alot now,niggling in the back,Im very worried about it, and it's something I've talked to her about,she seems okay about it but it's not on in my opinion...she's attractive and I dont know why I get worried now before we try sex...i kinda panic...it's definitely built up...I kinda fear I wont be able to perform or something i feel it could be psychological.
I really want things to work with her because we get on so well,but im worried she could get fed up with this carry on because sex is important.
I really dont know what to do,maybe see my gp.
Any advice from girls, or lads who this has happened to would be great. By the way,this hasnt happened to me before with other partners beside the odd time due to alcohol! I cant really talk to anyone else about it like family fiends because its embarassing. Thanks for reading,Karl

Kold

Sex under pressure isn't great. You need to relax, she needs to help you relax.

LegacyUser

Kold wrote: »

Sex under pressure isn't great. You need to relax, she needs to help you relax.

Once you start worrying about this it's a very slippery slope, you'll be worried it'll happen again which invariably will cause it to keep happening. I had a similar problem the first time I tried to sleep with my current girlfriend. When it happened the next time too I was really freaking out, but I talked to her and said how worried/anxious I was about it, and she was fine with it. We agreed to spend a night together playing around but NOT having sex, no matter what. This seemed to remove a lot of the nervousness I had, as I felt that I wasn't being put on the spot and that I didn't need to "perform". We had a great night that night, and our extended foreplay did wonders for me. The next night we started out the same way, just fooling around and enjoying each other, and I had no problems getting and maintaining an errection.

I think you need to stop worrying about it and just focus on other things; I know my most enjoyable sexual experiences with my girlfriend have, for the most part, not involved actual penetration. Don't go to bed thinking that that's the goal of the whole experience; sex should be an enjoyable experience that involves exploring your partners body. I'm sure after a night of foreplay/oral sex/whatever takes your fancy you'll have gotten out of the vicious circle of worry and be back to your normal self

Hope this helps

Kelly O'Malley

Stop thinking about the need to perform.

What turns most ladies off is a man who's penis driven anyway!Cuddle.Talk.Listen.If it's meant to be it will happen.What's the rush?

She'll love it if you're in bed with her without wanting sex!

Relax and get to know her.

wombat

You *might* want to consider seeing a doctor or a shrink about it if it doesn't resolve itself. There are medical reasons it can happen, not generally terribly serious but difficult to overcome, stress is a huge one for starters.

nkay1985

If this has never been an issue with you before, it's probably not a big deal.

My advice would be this:

Starting today, don't do anything. Set a minimum time during which you don't try anything together (maybe 7 days???). And most importantly do not give into the temptation of "loving yourself" no matter how bad it gets.

After only 2 or 3 days you'll be waking up with serious wood and by the time a week passes you'll get up on a gust of wind! And when the opportunity then arises with this girl you'll have no problems at all.

Marksie

OK, try and get out of your head in this. You are worrying about performance and until you stop then it will continue to be an issue.

If you have seen several threads on this issue, then you will know that penetrative sex is juts a small part of lovemaking.

it can be as intimate, sensual and pleasaurable to have hours of "fore"play without penetrative intercourse. Actually its more so tbh.

Again...make the experience the whole thing, not the end point. When you realsie just how small a part of lovemaking teh actual pentration is..for both of you. Then your erection will return.

Karlrove

cheers for the replies guys

BJC

Kelly O'Malley wrote: »

Stop thinking about the need to perform.

What turns most ladies off is a man who's penis driven anyway!Cuddle.Talk.Listen.If it's meant to be it will happen.What's the rush?

She'll love it if you're in bed with her without wanting sex!

Relax and get to know her.

Nothing personal Kelly but I hate that "if it's meant to be" idea.
Karl, this is a problem and you can solve it, abstaining from sexual activity for a few days is definitley one good way but it might not fix the problem in the long run.
I suggest talking to her about it like some posters advised before me. I had the same problem with a girlfriend before. Enjoy yourself and fully explore her body, that definitley helped me, try not to let your mind wander, remember you are having sex (or whatever) with someone you're really into and how damn good it is!