General Question: Looks & Personality

Scráib

Here's a general question that's been bugging me for a few weeks now:

Do you believe that there has to be some physical attraction between a couple for a relationship to begin and work? Personaly I believe that there has to be some element of it somewhere, that it's just bred into us by evolution.

As a case in point I've a friend who's personality is pretty close to my own, who all my friends think is a cracker but as for myself I don't feel any 'Oo-aar! I wanna ROIDE 'er!' feelings towards her, and who I think might have a thing for me. I however don't really feel a spark for the girl. Based on personality alone would I be only hurting her if I were to respond? My gut feeling says I would.

seahorse

I'd listen to that gut feeling if I were you. Trust me, you need the spark.

Having said that though, you havent mentioned how long she's been in your life? Since you describe her as a friend I am assuming you've known her years or months at least? I'm asking this because if it's a very new friend you're talking about sometimes the spark can come at you out of nowhere; that's what happened with me and my current partner - we'd known eachother about a month or so and I'd been seeing him every day (same college course) and one day I just looked at him sitting beside me in the canteen and it hit me like a sledgehammer and the only thing I could think was 'Jaysus, how did I not notice he was a ride before now!'

RedXIV

spark is def needed but that isn't down to just looks. I've met stunning women that i'm just not attracted to. on the same token, girls who alot of people wouldn't be impressed with have appeared devestatingly attractive thanks to the "spark"

ciakee

Yup you gotta have the spark. I had this thing with a guy I knew. He's gorgeous to look at, the kinda guy that everyone is like wow....amazing, but for some reason there was no chemistry between us, I mean I found him attractive but it just wasn't enough. I even went back a second time months later because I kept thinking "come on this guy is too good looking for this not to work" but it just ended up a disappointing mess. My advice is go with your gut. Everyone generally knows within a very short time of meeting someone else that there's a spark or there isn't....you just feel it.

JuliusCaesar

seahorse wrote: »

I'd listen to that gut feeling if I were you. Trust me, you need the spark.

Having said that though, you havent mentioned how long she's been in your life? Since you describe her as a friend I am assuming you've known her years or months at least? I'm asking this because if it's a very new friend you're talking about sometimes the spark can come at you out of nowhere; that's what happened with me and my current partner - we'd known eachother about a month or so and I'd been seeing him every day (same college course) and one day I just looked at him sitting beside me in the canteen and it hit me like a sledgehammer and the only thing I could think was 'Jaysus, how did I not notice he was a ride before now!'

and sometimes it comes when you've known a person for ages too. I knew a guy for 2 years - he was in the same gang - didn't particularly like him. Then we all went away for a weekend......our eyes met and boom! We were togehter for 4 yearrs after that.

Liam Byrne

Would've previously agreed 100%, but that spark can mislead you too, and land you in all sorts of ****.

Basically, if there's a bit of both there, you're sorted.....the reason it's called a spark and not a "boom!" explosion is because once an explosion is over, there's SFA left, whereas a spark has the potential to light a flame....

If there's nothing there of that nature, let it go for the moment; you never know - down the line it might happen.....

cowzerp

If your not attracted to your OH then i'd imagine the sex life would be non existant leading to all sorts of problems in a healthy relationship-there needs to be attraction, it could be something you see but other people dont though!!

seraphimvc

generally speaking,OP,let me tell you what a mad scientist thinks lol

The 'spark' is just a very natural biological reaction which occurs mainly due to hormones stuffs of the two of you,of course that would be depends on many factors too,like your taste on wimmin hair style,eyes,nose,b**bs,ar*e etc

BUT,in 21th century,we can love freely ,to maintain a relationship ,obviously a biological reaction wont be enough for that.and that is what the problem between a couple nowadays normally .love become fast food service while too many people merely pursuing the 'spark' feeling.

so,eh,what i mean is ,i admire the understanding ,the bond linking two hearts deep down between a couple .gravity brings you together (the spark,the fate thingy),while understanding makes the love lasts

and trust me once you fall in love you wont mind hows she look like .meaning that the look doesnt necessary mean everything ,but does matters at some point .depends on your 'standard' on women and how much do you know what you want ,i believe that's the real happiness .if you manage to do that in reality lol

enough mad scientist talk while for myself i like to talk and listen.i will want to know more about the women i am interested (the spark,depends on different elements turn me on),be my friend first .if things turn out well ,eventually,she will be my best friend and lover:D hehe,some say i am greedy!

of course the sh!te above doesnt include casual encounters....so this is all my rubbish words threw out during my stressful exams preparation week,hope that helps!

Goodluck OP!

LegacyUser

Don't do it. She's not a shoe you can feel free to try on and see if she'll fit.

I was friendly with this guy before. Found him attractive and very nice. Thought to myself, "Feck it I'll ask him out on a date!". He said "Yes" and I thought "Yesss!"

Anyway we had two dates both of which went very well and then he asked me to be his girlfriend. After a month of going out he decided to call it a day. He confessed he never saw me as anything other than a friend but felt I was the nicest girl he'd met in a long time and had wanted to give it a go. He enjoyed my company etc etc. Basically no spark.

Cue me feeling like utter crap and my self esteem rushing itself down the confidence toilet. Lovely.

I was left very confused as tbh based on what he'd said/done I had felt assured he found me attractive... After that I found it very hard to fully believe guys when they would approach me. When I think about it I still feel about 2 inches tall

chuci

trust your gut feeling. there just has to be a spark.