Love, Sex and Monogomy

Tigrrrr

I fiind these three topics quite fascinating, and I'm interested to know how many people still regard the tradition of one partner per person as the best or only valid relationship model.
It would also be interesting to hear opinions on love. Do you believe in "true love" á la Disney, where something called fate brings people who are "meant to be together", together?
What is sex for? Procreation? Love? Or is it just that it feels nice, like drinking outside in sunny weather, or eating chocolate?

In my opinion, our way of thinking in relation to these matters has been established to keep some sort of social order in our communities.
Personally, I practice monogomy. I don't know why. I would be hurt if my partner kissed, or slept with, another man, but I'm not sure why. I wouldn't care if it were coffee.
Yet I think this is very illogical. What's the difference between sex and a handshake in terms of personal relationships?

I love my partner, but in reality I can see that fate didn't bring us together. Something vague called chance did, we came upon one another by accident. Love, in our case, means liking each other a lot, mentally and physically, sentimental attachment even. If my partner died or left me, I'd probably get over it. Do other people feel differently?

And marriage. Why marry? Apart from inheritance, what does it actually mean? Marriage is a disposable contract, it really doesn't mean a whole lot, keep people together, or enrich love (that I can see). A

nyway just some ideas, I'd like to hear what you think. Sorry about all the questions, it's quite a huge topic.

Macha

Well then you'll find this video fascinating (& the rest of the site is great as well):

http://www.ted.com/index.php/talks/view/id/16

AngryBadger

For me "love" is not some cosmic divination, It's about finding an undeniable attraction to someone, which is a foundation for building a relationship absed on trust and mutual respect. However there is an aspect of love which i can't explain, there is some kind of X-factor which you will only feel with certain partners.

This won't happen with just anyone, and I personally feel too many people these days are involved in relationships based on "compatibility". I take a logical approach to most situations, I'm not at all religious in the "jeebus is coming back"-sense, and yet I have to acknowledge that there is some intangible element to a relationship that makes it work. It's not enough to be "compatible" in terms of wealth, education, looks, interests and so on. Sure you can build a pretty solid partnership based on those things, but it's not going to be a very satisfying relationship. i think nowadays this is a mistake many people make. Because none of us wants to wind up alone, because we feel pressure to have a partner, because sometimes our esteem is so low we're desperate for ANY kind of affection, and so we compromise the integrity of what we think is important to a good, healthy relationship.

But for me, love has to be there. The way you talk about your current partner Tigrrr, honestly, it kind of sounds like you think "Ah sure they're grand, but if anything happened I'd just head to the pound and get a new one". My humblest apologies if that's not the case, but I couldn't imagin being in a relationship where I could be that flippant about my partner.

To add credibility to this statement, the one and only woman I've ever truly felt something I would consider "love" for was about 6 years ago, I've had plenty of brief flings, and casual encounters since then, but i've never met any other woman who made me feel the way she did. And I'd never met a woman who inspired that kind of feeling in me before her. All I wanted to do was be with this woman, I didn't care if that was watching a movie, chilling in bed in the morning, or battling flesh-hungry hordes of zombies, i just loved spending time with this woman. The best part was, she felt the same. Of course the obvious question then is "But Padraic, why did things end if that was the case?" But that's another story.

Anyway, my point is that I personally believe there is something more than mere "compatibility" in what makes a good partner. Admittedly you could argue that what I term "love" is just an extremely high level of compatibility, I mean the woman I spoke of was everything i could ever want in a woman. Her curves were generous, her skin was smooth, and her smile was brighter than the sun. But she was also very strong, not in an "in-your-face" way, but she knew what she wanted, and while she wasn't going to fight with you over it she also wasn't going to settle for anything less. And lastly, she loved the way i wanted to protect her, to be able to take care of her.

I've met plenty of women over the ensuing years who shared some, or all of these traits. But I haven't felt that spark again. So in short I do believe that love is a powerful element without which no relationship can truly blossom.

In terms of polygamy. Like I said above, for me a relationship is built on love and mutual respect. In my mind polygamy would be like saying "I've met a second/third/fourth person that I feel exactly the same way about, so I'm bringing them into our relationship", and I believe that kind of attitude diminishes the relationship. In fact i don't even understand how that might be possible. If I get involved with someone romantically, I'm giving them access to me that NO-ONE else has. Granted we're all different, and other people may have no problem giving that access to all and sundry, but for me that's something incredibly special, and I simply haven't met several people at the one time that I wanted to share that with.

Also, if i did have a partner, and I suddenly decided to bring someone else into the relationship, I would see that as being so dis-recpectful to my current partner. And why would anyone want to be in a relationship where they keep diminishing the importance of each love by bringing more people into the circle?

I once commented to a friend that the only way I could ever engage in any kind of group sexual activity would be with a woman I knew there was zero chance of any kind of romantic shenanigans. I simply couldn't fathom sharing a woman i loved with anyone else.

Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but for me the bond between two people who really, truly love each other is some incredible, i can't find the right words (and that's saying something!), and I can't imagine a willingness to settle for anything less.

Macha

^^ Great post, AngryBadger

As for why your relationship ended, that situation always reminds me of the lyrics of a Patti Smyth song: "Sometimes, love just ain't enough"