Gone too far

RubyXI

I really don't know where to start. I've posted on here before about this but i got some unhelpful and cruel comments so i gave up for a while. But most of you guys are really great and i just dont know who else to turn to.
I'm at a total loss. I dont know where to go from here and feel like i've come to the end of the line and have totally lost the plot.
I think i have some kind of undiagnosed depression or anxiety disorder. But because of my fears of making appointments, and talking to people one to one, and talking about myself and my problems, i cant go to the doctor about it.
I'm so bored with everything in my life. It is effecting everything, my job, my relationship,.
I feel bored but i dont have tho motovation to do anything. I dont have any close friends except my boyfriend. He partially understands, but he still says i should just go out and do something if im bored, But i cant get through to him that i cant. I dont have friends to go out with anyway. And any time i do go out anywhere, i spend hours beforehand shaking and sweating.
Im not sure i can take much more of it. I dont know what to do. I've felt like this since i was 11 or 12. I'm 23 now.
Sorry for the long complaining post.

Overheal

what happened when you were 11?

millyj

you have loads going for you, friends , a relationship. There are some people who cant even say that.

If you are havign problems with anxiety, try hypnotherpy. It worked for me and I used to get debilitating panic attacks years ago when I was about your age. One session and thank god 9 years later I havent had anymore.

brokensoul

phi3 wrote: »

I really don't know where to start. I've posted on here before about this but i got some unhelpful and cruel comments so i gave up for a while. But most of you guys are really great and i just dont know who else to turn to.
I'm at a total loss. I dont know where to go from here and feel like i've come to the end of the line and have totally lost the plot.
I think i have some kind of undiagnosed depression or anxiety disorder. But because of my fears of making appointments, and talking to people one to one, and talking about myself and my problems, i cant go to the doctor about it.
I'm so bored with everything in my life. It is effecting everything, my job, my relationship,.
I feel bored but i dont have tho motovation to do anything. I dont have any close friends except my boyfriend. He partially understands, but he still says i should just go out and do something if im bored, But i cant get through to him that i cant. I dont have friends to go out with anyway. And any time i do go out anywhere, i spend hours beforehand shaking and sweating.
Im not sure i can take much more of it. I dont know what to do. I've felt like this since i was 11 or 12. I'm 23 now.
Sorry for the long complaining post.

It sounds like you are getting panic attacks.

I can understand the feelings or boredom and the feelings of being unhappy but lacking the motivation to do anything about it.

In all honesty though, it sounds like this is too much for you to deal with alone. You need to make an appointment to see your gp. There way be a physical reason for your feelings.

Aosl, and i speak from experience here, sitting inside feeling bored will only make you feel worse. You need to start to rejoin society. Tell the gp about your anxiety. The solution may be as simple as taking a herbal remedy and doing some yoga exercises.

Dont waste anymore of your life looking out the window. There is a whole world out there, i spend ten years shut away from it. Learn from my mistakes and get help as soon as you can.

RubyXI

I dont know what happened when i was 11. I know when i was 12 i was bullied by some people that i considered friends. I've always been quiet so i always got a hard time for that. But i dont think it could lead to this.
And millyj in my origional post i said that i dont have any friends

death1234567

Ring these people. might help.

RubyXI

death1234567 wrote: »

Ring these people. might help.

Thanks, I'm really not good with phone calls. Sorry i know i sound like a complete weirdo. But even making a phone call to someone in the next office at work terrifies me. I have emailed the samaritans before, but they just kept asking if i was going to kill myself and that thats what theyr there to help with

Overheal

Youve tried confiding in your boyfriend I take it? Why not ask him to make the appointment for you, and go with you to the GP? I understand your extremely anxious about making that visit but its probably long overdue at this stage. You don't have to talk to the Doctor one on one your boyfriend can hold your hand the entire time.

Marksie

What we can do here is extremely limited, apart from advice and support to help you overcome this.

Its is a blaise statement to say you have nothing to fear but fear itself.

But when you are frightened and worried of even going for help then the statement holds true.

It may appear a daunting step to actually do something about things..but it is only one step.

You have started talking here and a lot of the advice will be urging you to make and keep appointments with the relevant people... it is going to be a case of facing your fear.
Is there ANYONE who you know who can come with you, if even just for support.?

By all means keep talking through things here and see what people have to say both good and bad, you will get it all in an open forum.
But see if something that is suggested would help you to take those first steps and make an appointmant with someone qualified.

Deep down I believe you know you have to do this. The question is how do we get you to do it?
What would keep you closd enough to your comfort zone to make that step?

RubyXI

Overheal wrote: »

Youve tried confiding in your boyfriend I take it? Why not ask him to make the appointment for you, and go with you to the GP? I understand your extremely anxious about making that visit but its probably long overdue at this stage. You don't have to talk to the Doctor one on one your boyfriend can hold your hand the entire time.

I dont know. I dont want to put all that pressure on him. i even find it hard to talk to him face to face sometimes.

RubyXI

Marksie wrote: »

What we can do here is extremely limited, apart from advice and support to help you overcome this.

Its is a blaise statement to say you have nothing to fear but fear itself.

But when you are frightened and worried of even going for help then the statement holds true.

It may appear a daunting step to actually do something about things..but it is only one step.

You have started talking here and a lot of the advice will be urging you to make and keep appointments with the relevant people... it is going to be a case of facing your fear.
Is there ANYONE who you know who can come with you, if even just for support.?

By all means keep talking through things here and see what people have to say both good and bad, you will get it all in an open forum.
But see if something that is suggested would help you to take those first steps and make an appointmant with someone qualified.

Deep down I believe you know you have to do this. The question is how do we get you to do it?
What would keep you closd enough to your comfort zone to make that step?

I can only express my feelings through emails and texts and well message boards. I cannot do face to face. Cant even do phone calls. If i go to the doctor i know they would send me to a counciler or whatever, and i know i wouldnt be able to go and if i did i'd just say im fine and keep my mouth shut

Skadi

phi3 wrote: »

I dont know. I dont want to put all that pressure on him. i even find it hard to talk to him face to face sometimes.

Your boyfriend will understand. If he goes with you to a doctor or a counselor you can let him do the talking. The more withdrawn you are the harder it becomes to return to normal. If you find it hard to talk to your boyfriend, write him a letter or sent him an email. It might sound funny but for a while this was the only way i could tell my guy what i felt like cause everytime i tried to tell him to his face, i just couldn't. People are there to help, and believe me being withdrawn makes those who care worry a lot more.

RubyXI

Skadi wrote: »

Your boyfriend will understand. If he goes with you to a doctor or a counselor you can let him do the talking. The more withdrawn you are the harder it becomes to return to normal. If you find it hard to talk to your boyfriend, write him a letter or sent him an email. It might sound funny but for a while this was the only way i could tell my guy what i felt like cause everytime i tried to tell him to his face, i just couldn't. People are there to help, and believe me being withdrawn makes those who care worry a lot more.

Yeah i txt my bf if i need to tell him something. Hes no good at talkin to strangers either. He's better than me but hes very paranoid.

KyussBishop

It sounds like you may be suffering from Social Anxiety/Social Phobia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_phobia

One of the more common and most effective long term treatments for this is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy

I'd recommend going to a GP and getting a reference to a psychologist who practices CBT; this book is also very good for learning about Social Anxiety and for trying some basic CBT techniques on your own:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-Behavioural-Techniques/dp/1854877038/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1209725552&sr=8-1

lolli

Dear Op,

I am 23 and I have suffered from depression at two different stages of my life. Started in my early teens. I had dreadful problems leaving the house, I used to have panic attacks if I went outside the front door. At the time I didnt want to go to the doctor either but my family brought me in the end. My mother came with me to the doctor and both times, she offered me great support, my doctor was really supportive. People dont look down on you for these things, we all need help at some point, most people will be depressed at some point. Get someone to go with you, then the hardest part is over. You can do this. You can overcome anything.

People are mostly very understanding and supportive, if you need help just ask for it, things can only get better from there. You deserve to be happy, but in order to achieve this you need to start helping yourself and asking others for help. You arent going to overcome this by locking yourself away.

Best of luck and please do ask for help, things will improve from there.

RubyXI

KyussBishop wrote: »

It sounds like you may be suffering from Social Anxiety/Social Phobia:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_phobia

One of the more common and most effective long term treatments for this is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cognitive_behavioral_therapy

I'd recommend going to a GP and getting a reference to a psychologist who practices CBT; this book is also very good for learning about Social Anxiety and for trying some basic CBT techniques on your own:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Overcoming-Social-Anxiety-Behavioural-Techniques/dp/1854877038/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1209725552&sr=8-1

Thanx. I actually got that book, but i havent read much of it. I just get upset every time i read it. I know i should try and read it but i never seem to have much time.

Marksie

phi3 wrote: »

I dont know. I dont want to put all that pressure on him. i even find it hard to talk to him face to face sometimes.

I amsure he wouldn't se as that, he is your boyfriend, he will support you.

lolli

Op, the first step you need to take to get yourself better is admitting that you need help, then asking for it. You cant just sit back and think that you will just get over this.. I suffered from Social Anxiety Disorder and depression, it was tough. I am still not the most confident person in the world but I can now talk to people, go places, go out. You need to ask for help. I'm sure your boyfriend would be happy to help you, i'm sure that he wants you to feel good about yourself. Your relationship will also improve once you start feeling better about yourself.

RubyXI

Thanks for takin the time out to read and reply. At least i know that there is something wrong, and i know that i should see a doctor. Maybe little steps will eventually get me to a doctor. I dont hold much hope to be honest. Sadness and fear is all i know. No, i dont want to live like this but i may have to.

lolli

Op you dont HAVE to live like that. We all have things we are afraid of doing, you just gotta push yourself a bit and do it. Do you want to live the rest of your life in fear?

RubyXI

lolli wrote: »

Op you dont HAVE to live like that. We all have things we are afraid of doing, you just gotta push yourself a bit and do it. Do you want to live the rest of your life in fear?

No i dont want to live like this, of course i dont, but the process of getting fixed could be worse. I dont want to continue with life at all if its like this , cos this isnt a life. Its merely an existance

lolli

My dear, I know how hard it can be, but first of all you need to get it out of your head that you cant go to the doctor, the simple fact is you NEED to go a doctor to get this sorted out. I've been there done that, I know its hard but trust me hun its something you need to do and it will help you get better. Please ask someone to go with you for support, its hard to go on your own but if you have someone who can support you it will make it that bit easier. You need to do this for yourself darling, you are the one who needs to take the first step. We can offer you all the advice in the world but you are the one who needs to act on it.

RubyXI

lolli wrote: »

My dear, I know how hard it can be, but first of all you need to get it out of your head that you cant go to the doctor, the simple fact is you NEED to go a doctor to get this sorted out. I've been there done that, I know its hard but trust me hun its something you need to do and it will help you get better. Please ask someone to go with you for support, its hard to go on your own but if you have someone who can support you it will make it that bit easier. You need to do this for yourself darling, you are the one who needs to take the first step. We can offer you all the advice in the world but you are the one who needs to act on it.

I dont want to bring anyone. I think it would be better i do it alone. It will be bad enough to have to say stuff to a doctor without having an audience too. I cant do that,

justsomebloke

have you tried putting "online counseling" into google to see what comes up, you maybe able to find someone to help go through your problems via an online method thus you don't actually have to talk to them

Marksie

phi3 wrote: »

I dont want to bring anyone. I think it would be better i do it alone. It will be bad enough to have to say stuff to a doctor without having an audience too. I cant do that,

The person doesnt have to come in with you phi3, juts go with you to the appoinment for support.

You are tiotally correct in one thing. Life isn't about large leaps, but frequently about small steps.
Take those small steps one at a time and you will be amazed, when you look back how far you will have come.

Velvet Vocals

I think you've done really well so far, since you posted this you've realised that it is a problem and that you need help. Thats one of the biggest steps.

You you could try taking everything in really small stages, like tomorrow make the decision that you will make an a appointment with your GP and just think about that.Don't actually make the appointment, just think that you've made the decision and that's great. Then the next day source the phone number and maybe plan out what you'll say when the person answers. Write it down if you need to. The day after that plan to make the call in the afternoon and prepare you self for the call in the morning. Then make the appointment.
And so on, take everything really slowly and be prepared and that way you are in control of whats happening and there's no stress about time pressure or anything.
Once you see your GP you may well be referred to a councilor but hopefully your GP will be good enough to make the appointment for you. But if not you'll be able to make that appointment because you've already done it before.
I think the main thing here is that you've got to start seeing things in small steps, don't look at the big picture. I noticed earlier you posted that if you go to the GP you'll just be referred etc, you said that because you were looking at the big picture and assuming what will happen.
So remember, everything in small steps and you be able to take those steps.
Good luck!!!!

Frelance

OP,
I have no experience with anxiety so il offer you what little advice i can.

you obviously have good social skills if you have got a boyfriend, many can't manage that! I dont know much about your situation but the workplace can be a great place to make friends, just start out easy and in general act interested.

After you have sorted out your anxiety problems this will all come alot easier.

Good luck

Overheal

So Phi3, why is it you have trouble talking with people?

I mean, if youre worried about them having a poor opinion of you thats in all reality no reason not to go to a doctor. For one thing doctors are duty-bound to keep your secrets and for another you dont ever have to see this person again after the fact.

It turns out Phi that the great thing about most situations is that you will either never see the people around you again or nobody is going to remember any of it by next week. When everyone is 11 or 12 sure we pick stupid things to make fun of and remember until something else happens. but into your 20s who cares anymore?

Arty Darcie

What you have is called "Panic Disorder" or also known as social anxiety disorder. I was diagnosed with this at the age of 15 by then i was friendless an outcast at school and had turned to self harm.
i got treatment known as congnative behavioural therapy through the Lucena Clinic it involves various relaxation techniques and climbing ladders to reach your goals and conquer you fears.I am now 17 and my life is finally starting to turn around,I have a bf whom i love very much and a few close friends who i can trust.The most important thig is having confidence in yourself. Believe and you can achieve.In the mean time I strongly suggest you look into some therapy, i have this month been discharged and am i totally different person.


Really hope this helps.

RubyXI

Arty Darcie wrote: »

What you have is called "Panic Disorder" or also known as social anxiety disorder. I was diagnosed with this at the age of 15 by then i was friendless an outcast at school and had turned to self harm.
i got treatment known as congnative behavioural therapy through the Lucena Clinic it involves various relaxation techniques and climbing ladders to reach your goals and conquer you fears.I am now 17 and my life is finally starting to turn around,I have a bf whom i love very much and a few close friends who i can trust.The most important thig is having confidence in yourself. Believe and you can achieve.In the mean time I strongly suggest you look into some therapy, i have this month been discharged and am i totally different person.


Really hope this helps.

thanks. ur lucky u got it sorted now. i didnt realise there was something wrong wit me till a few months ago.

Arty Darcie

I just thought i was a freak. It's easy to blame yourself but it's never your own fault. All you need to do now is take the first step. It all goes up from there i promise.You are not alone in this.

RubyXI

Arty Darcie wrote: »

I just thought i was a freak. It's easy to blame yourself but it's never your own fault. All you need to do now is take the first step. It all goes up from there i promise.You are not alone in this.

i'll think about it. i dont think i can do counseling though

Arty Darcie

Well you can't be helped if you aren;t willing to help youself thats all i know

lolli

Arty Darcie wrote: »

Well you can't be helped if you aren;t willing to help youself thats all i know

I agree with this. Lot of people have offered you opinions but you dont seem to be willing to help yourself and change things. It can be hard, but if you really wanted to change these things you would force yourself to do them for the sake of your own sanity.

RubyXI

lolli wrote: »

I agree with this. Lot of people have offered you opinions but you dont seem to be willing to help yourself and change things. It can be hard, but if you really wanted to change these things you would force yourself to do them for the sake of your own sanity.

Im going to try.

I got like that once. Was terrible. Anytime I was in an enclosed surrounding/packed area I would feel weak and light headed and a sudden fear I couldn't pinpoint. But one thing you should always remember is that there are ways out of these things. And you should go about these before it gets any worse for yourself. A person should not live like this.

Discuss it with your boyfriend. Txt him and tell him. Hell, even send him an email telling him your problems. If you can talk to him about it, it could be a stepping stone to talking to a professional, who can give you the help you need.

lolli

phi3 wrote: »

Im going to try.

Good darling, i'm glad to hear it. I wish you all the best.

Overheal

texting is expensive and slow: use gmail/gtalk or msn

lolli

Overheal wrote: »

texting is expensive and slow: use gmail/gtalk or msn

Where have you been!! most networks offer free texts now

Overheal

And I just figured that out only a few hours ago thanks!

but why dig into your text allowance for such a long discussion?

I save mine for getting in touch with people i havent seen in ages... might have to post on that later actually :rolleyes:

Moss

phi3 wrote: »

I really don't know where to start. I've posted on here before about this but i got some unhelpful and cruel comments so i gave up for a while. But most of you guys are really great and i just dont know who else to turn to.
I'm at a total loss. I dont know where to go from here and feel like i've come to the end of the line and have totally lost the plot.
I think i have some kind of undiagnosed depression or anxiety disorder. But because of my fears of making appointments, and talking to people one to one, and talking about myself and my problems, i cant go to the doctor about it.
I'm so bored with everything in my life. It is effecting everything, my job, my relationship,.
I feel bored but i dont have tho motovation to do anything. I dont have any close friends except my boyfriend. He partially understands, but he still says i should just go out and do something if im bored, But i cant get through to him that i cant. I dont have friends to go out with anyway. And any time i do go out anywhere, i spend hours beforehand shaking and sweating.
Im not sure i can take much more of it. I dont know what to do. I've felt like this since i was 11 or 12. I'm 23 now.
Sorry for the long complaining post.

You have to go to the doctor. You know yourself thats what you have to do. Start by making the appointment. Maybe your boyfriend will support you and help you go. Either way you have to do it. You have been suffering with this problem for over ten years and now you feel you can't go on. I suffered from depression and anxiety for years as well before finally getting help. I'm so glad I did, but I know how hard it is. Once you get through that first visit it becomes much easier to get help. After a few visits you'll see it a perfectly normal.

Anxiety is torture. Please go to the doctor and then post back here when you have done it.

JuliusCaesar

Moss wrote: »

You have to go to the doctor. You know yourself thats what you have to do. Start by making the appointment. Maybe your boyfriend will support you and help you go. Either way you have to do it. You have been suffering with this problem for over ten years and now you feel you can't go on.

+1
If you find it difficult to talk about it, then bring a letter with you which you can hand to your GP in which you say pretty much what you've said here. It'll open the discussion for you. She/he'll be able to go from that.

lolli

Your doctor will also be able to tell you where to go to get councelling, you will need councelling to get over this. I took antidepressants and they really helped me. You will get there. I did. There are so many people out there who have been through the exact same thing.

RubyXI

lolli wrote: »

Your doctor will also be able to tell you where to go to get councelling, you will need councelling to get over this. I took antidepressants and they really helped me. You will get there. I did. There are so many people out there who have been through the exact same thing.

I know ill have to wait n see what the doctor says but i was thinking, maybe she could give me antidepressants or something first to get me a stage where i might be more capable of seeing a counceller. But maybe it doesnt work like that. I told someone about it last night. Via text of course. Someone from work. I think i can trust him.

helpme2fixit

Hi there,
just reading about your problem, and all the answers people have given you.. all given great advice, you sound as if you need help!! But I am wondering, surely you have a Mum & Dad???? or other siblings, that you could talk to about this!!! Have you tried talking to them.. do they give you any comfort or advice or even offer to go with you to the doctors???:o

RubyXI

helpme2fixit wrote: »

Hi there,
just reading about your problem, and all the answers people have given you.. all given great advice, you sound as if you need help!! But I am wondering, surely you have a Mum & Dad???? or other siblings, that you could talk to about this!!! Have you tried talking to them.. do they give you any comfort or advice or even offer to go with you to the doctors???:o

I dont have that kind of relationship with my family. Yes they would helpif i asked but im not cool with it.

helpme2fixit

phi3 wrote: »

I dont have that kind of relationship with my family. Yes they would helpif i asked but im not cool with it.

Can you tell us, What was your child days like?? did you have a good time growing up or not!! just wondering if there is an underlying problem that has been festering!! I strongly advice you to go and see your doctor with your BF.. and get help, it might only be a simple problem and could easily be fixed! you wont know unless you go.. Good luck..;)

RubyXI

helpme2fixit wrote: »

Can you tell us, What was your child days like?? did you have a good time growing up or not!! just wondering if there is an underlying problem that has been festering!! I strongly advice you to go and see your doctor with your BF.. and get help, it might only be a simple problem and could easily be fixed! you wont know unless you go.. Good luck..;)

Im very different from all my family so i always lived by how they like things instead of my own ways. I was constantly hiding things from them I dont really know why. Just didnt want them realising i liked things they didnt. I know it makes no sense. So iv kinda always been like this.