Honeymoon period?

LegacyUser

I've been going out with my boyfriend for 18 months. He's the first guy I've loved and I am mad about him. We're about to move in together also. Lately we've been having a tough time. Both of us are stressed over numerous things and didn't have a lot of time for each other so we started arguing. We acknowledged what was wrong and that everything should sort out when we move in together. I am currently in college 5 days a week and start work VERY early at weekends so I'm always tired, can't go out at weekends and am stressed with exams. Once the stress of college is taken from the equation everything will be a lot better.

We argue a lot of the amount of sex we have, or lack thereof. I have no sex drive anymore and I can't tell if I just don't want to have sex or if I feel under so much to have sex during the rare hour or two I have free at the weekend that my body just refuses to want sex. I've told my boyfriend of this and he understands but I feel the pressure is still there, mostly from me. I don't want to disappoint my boyfriend. I also have no desire to even kiss him anymore. When we first started going out we would spend ages kissing. I know that behaviour changes once the honeymoon period is over but my OH has said he misses this. The thing is I feel that whenever we start kissing he gets turned on and then he wants to have sex. Sometimes I just want to kiss. It's at the point now where kissing doesn't even turn me on because a simple 'snog' will result in my OH wanting to drag me into the bedroom and I am just to tired and stressed.

I just don't know anymore. Am I actually so stressed that I can't be bothered having sex/kissing or have I stopped fancying my boyfriend? I still love him. I love being around him and sleeping beside him and cuddling. All that stuff. But I resent that he always wants to have sex and it's putting me off him. I have explained to him all of this but the pressure is always there. I'm afraid when I move in he'll think he will be getting sex be on tap but I don't want that. I don't want to have sex twice everyday. I don't want to spend all day in bed having sex, which we used to do. When we started going out I was free at weekends and we did nothing but have sex. We wake at 12, have sex, sleep, wake up, have sex, have a shower, get some food and it would be 5/6 pm. I want to have a life. I want to do things with him that aren't sex. I enjoy sex, don't get me wrong, but I don't enjoy spending my whole day on it. I think it's a waste of a day. Once in a while is fine but not every bloody day. I don't have a high sex drive and I'm not a sexual person. We're compatible, perfect even, everywhere else except for sex. I just don't know what to do.

corcaighcailin9

Wow there's a whole lotta things going on there OP. It's normal for people to want different things in a relationship and sex is no different. When you move in together, there will likely be another honeymoon period as ye adjust to living together but that won't last forever either. You might feel differently about ye'r sex life when the stress of exams is over but it is something you should try and talk out with your OH. He sounds patient and considerate but everyone has their limit so you're probably best off explaining exactly how you're feeling.

king_of_inismac

Hi OP, sounds like a tough situation.

Here's my advice: Most guys who love their g/f will settle for less sex than they'd like, but without ANY sex very few relationships will last.

The fact that you are arguing about it means he's not happy with the current situation.

Relationships don't just work, you need to make them work. Your stress seems to be causing the problem. More stress = tired, iritable and less interested in sex.

So you need to figure out how to reduce your stress. Have you considered reducing your wkend work? Spend some quality time together, maybe a day or half a day each week that is just yours.

When you feel less under pressure, and you are getting on better, the sex drive will return.

Also, tell him how you feel and tell him your plan to make things better,. its better to be working together on these things

AngryBadger

This situation sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.

You've never had a long term relationship before, and you're moving in with your first boyfriend at a time when you're so stressed you are very nearly repulsed by the idea of sex, and you seem to think moving in together will improve things.

I don't mean to sound cruel, but I think you need a little bluntness here.

If you move in together it's only going to add even more pressure to a relationship that's already at boiling point. It sounds to me like the timing of this is completely wrong for you.

If this is your final year in college then you're going to be looking for a job once you finish, (I assume), which means you're going to have another source of stress. From your description it doesn't sound like you're great at managing your time, or your stress. So you move from college, to limbo while you try to find a job, and then onto full-time employment, which is a whole new load/type of stress. And all the while you, and your boyfriend are still arguing, which is compounded by the lack of sex.

If this isn't your final year then you have a few more ahead of you, and your course will in all likelihood only get more difficult with each passing year. Which means the only difference once your holidays are over is that you'l now be under even more pressure, but now you'll be living with your boyfriend. And as king_of_inismac has said, no relationship will last without any sex.

I think you need to look at your stress levels, maybe you should talk to someone at the college about managing your coursework, I don't know how your course is structured, but it must be possible to find a balance between college and your personal life. This kind of stress is not going to go away, as I've said your course is only going to get more difficult, and when you're finished you'll be out in the real world.

Once you've addressed your stress levels, you should sit down with yourself, and look at what you really want from this relationship. As it stands, and I don't mean this to be harsh, but it kind of seems like your boyfriend is a means for you to relax. I understand this to a point, but at the same time, as you've both acknowledged, a significant part of what he wants i.e. sex is missing completely from the relationship.

If your first priority is your college work I can completely understand, and respect that, in fact I applaud your forward thinking there. but if that is the case it does mean that you're not in a position to juggle college and a boyfriend right now. This relationship is turning into yet another source of stress for you.

One last thing, you haven't mentioned if your boyfriend is in college or working or what his story is. You need to figure out what his angle on all this is. If he's in college, he may find himself with the same problem in time, if he's working, you may find that his priorities are completely different to yours regarding this relationship and where it's going.

I'm saying this to you now because you do not want to find all this stuff out AFTER you've moved in together.

Take a look at yourself, then take a look at your boyfriend, and talk to him about hits.

I hope things work out OP.

Miss Fluff

How often do you masturbate?

The more you have sex the more you want it. So eventhough you are adamant that you are not in the mood chances are you will get really into it once you are having it and the more you have the more you will want.

You'd need to get the physical side of your relationship back on track before contemplating moving in. As a matter of interest how often do you actually have sex?

estar

tell your boyfriend how you feel. if he loves you he will understand
and accept less until the exams are over.

id say it is purely stress related, but you dont want s%x to become
just another task. it has to be special. plan one night a week
where you might sit in and spend together. where you dont
have anything else to do, and just spend it as a couple.

every person needs a night off to relax no matter what they
have going on, give yourself and your boyfriend that time.

Overheal

Just try your best to plough through all the crap until these exams are over. Only a couple more weeks!

b3t4

Op, have you told your boyfriend that sometimes you just want to kiss with it not leading to sex?

Would your boyfriend be up for giving intercourse a break for a short time but ye could do other intimate things together?

Some couple time together might do ye the world of good. How about arranging a date together? Dinner and a movie? Doesn't have to be anything too expensive but something that ye can do as a couple that removes you from yeer current surroundings.

A