Meet the fockers

Strings

Just want to get people’s opinions on meeting there other halves parents. At what stage in the relationship should this be done...In a relationship for a little over a year now and have been out for meals with my other halves family around 10 times...Find this a bit strange for a guy in his mid twenties...this early in a relationship.
For me meeting parents is adding pressure to the relationship...My opinion is that when the couple are 100% committed then parents should be brought into the equation when both are comfortable enough with each other not a couple of months into the relationship...Want to get people’s opinions on this if you’re in a relationship, what age, how far into the relationship did you meet your other halves parents or do you have any intention to meet them in the near future??

Beruthiel

I take it you don't want your other half to meet your parents?

Sherifu

Strings wrote: »

do you have any intention to meet them in the near future??

It doesn't bother me if I never meet them.

anonymous_joe

It meant a lot to my ex that I meet her dad and bro (she didn't get on with her mother at all). It was something I'd have done later myself, but she wanted to do it, and it made her happy, so I went ahead with it.

If you're nervous of them meeting your parents, maybe just tell them that?

AnonoBoy

Strings wrote: »

Just want to get people’s opinions on meeting there other halves parents. At what stage in the relationship should this be done...In a relationship for a little over a year now and have been out for meals with my other halves family around 10 times...Find this a bit strange for a guy in his mid twenties...this early in a relationship.
For me meeting parents is adding pressure to the relationship...My opinion is that when the couple are 100% committed then parents should be brought into the equation when both are comfortable enough with each other not a couple of months into the relationship...Want to get people’s opinions on this if you’re in a relationship, what age, how far into the relationship did you meet your other halves parents or do you have any intention to meet them in the near future??

It's different for everyone. Some people are very close to their family and would introduce a boyfriend/girlfriend to them the same way they would introduce them to their friends. They feel happy and comfortable with the person and want to include them in their lives (which includes family life).

Others, like yourself seemingly, not so much.

You say when a couple are 100% committed parents should be brought in. Define 100% committed.

Is your other half putting pressure on you to be introduced to your family? Did you bring any of it up with the OH about spending time with his family? You've been going out for a year - that doesn't seem too soon to be meeting family.

As I said though, it all depends on how you get on with your family. In some families if someone has a new partner for a few months and they're not introduced they would be highly insulted and think they were hiding something.

I've had girls balk at the idea of me meeting their families before we'd been going out for at least a year. I've also had girls get huffy because I didn't want to meet their families after 2 months.

So - if you're uncomfortable going to dinner with his family so much then say something to her about it. If you don't want the OH to meet your family then don't introduce them - but be prepared to explain yourself because they might think you're embarrassed.

Clare Bear

I met my boyfriend's parents a few weeks after we started going out because he wanted me to meet them. I now see them all the time and it's great, I get on well with them. He hasn't met mine yet because I'm in Dublin and my family are in Cork. But I'm bringing him home for a weekend in a few weeks because he wants to meet them. I think it's nice that he wants you to get to know his family....he's obviously close to them and wants you to be a part of that. It depends on the situation, if you get on well with your parents or not etc....I don't think it's strange at all, I think you should be happy that he wants you to get to know them, he obviously likes you a lot and wants you to be included in his family life.

Dizzyblonde

OP I don't think there are rules for this type of thing - it really depends on the type of relationship a person has with their parents.We have grown daughters and they've always felt comfortable letting their boyfriends meet us - as a family we're casual about that sort of thing, and they've always been free to bring friends home anytime too. So it's never a case of 'coming for tea' formally. Also, bringing a boyfriend home never meant they were going to marry them!!!
It's not strange to have been out to dinner with your girlfriend's family if it's enjoyable -
why does it bother you?

Nevyn

Can you be 100% committed to a relationship with someone with out getting a look at their primary model for what a committed relationship is like, ie the dynamic between their parents ?

Can you be 100% committed to sharing your life with them for what ever length of time knowing that their family in impact on that and be a part of that with out guaging what they are like and how much input or interference they can and will cause ?

So you have been invited out and included as part of your partners family for dinners, I assume for family occasions, is that so unusual ?

It could well be that is par for the course for their family and it seems that yours does things lil differently, if that is the case then your partner could be wondering if they have done something wrong or if you think they are not 'good enough' to meet your parents.

Meeting someones parents can be as formal or very informal it depends on how the family does such things.

I think you need to sit down and talk to your partner about the different nuances at play about this before you feel under pressure and they feel that you are ashamed of them.

RedXIV

I don't even know if i say i have a relationship nailed down at the minute with the girl i'm seeing but i can say hand on heart, the 4th time she met me, she stayed in my house for easter with all my family. and no problems i met her dad 2 weeks later (our 6th encounter)

LegacyUser

I woudln't worry so much. You've met them several times according to your post. So whats the big deal. My gf met my parents after bout 6 or 7 weeks and I met hers after bout 4 months (different county).

Personally, my family are very important to me and I like to have the people that are/could be important to me meet them and vice versa. It works both ways - I wanted my GF to meet mine and get to know them (I live it home, mid 20s) - plus now she can call over any time she likes. And I wanted my parents to meet her - so they got to know her and realise that she's important to me. Its not really that big a deal.

Deadevil129

I never understand why people make such a big deal out of this. Myself and my OH never made a big to do with meeting each other's parents, I just happened to be in his house one day just before we got together and met most of his family. Likewise, one day my OH just came over to mine when the parents were in. I didn't even mention he was comming over as "my boyfriend." I just said "Oh *** is coming over later" and left them to put two and two together as to whether we were going out or not.

chuci

i knew my other halves parents before him but when i met them as his girlfriend i was a bit nervous as i hadn't seen them for a few years. but still saying that i met them about 3 weeks into our relationship. and it was grand altogether. my oh came to collect me for our2 and date and met my dad but saying that he knew him. still though on other relationships i really wouldn't consider a year a rash decision on meeting the family. it depends on where you and the other half live relative to your family and how long you would have to stay. how well you get on with your family etc.

angeldelight

My bf met my parents within a month I think and I met his a week or 2 later... I was 19, he was 20 at the time. I get on really well with his mam and sister, to the degree where I was at an ann summers party in his mam's house and stayed over while he went out with his mates.... It'd be weird for me if I didn't know them. I'm included in every family event and I'm extremely fond of his family. He gets on well with my mam and dad, to the extent they bring him back presents from their holidays!! I'd find it strange if the people in my life who are important to me didn't know each other

chuci

angeldelight wrote: »

I'd find it strange if the people in my life who are important to me didn't know each other

very very well said.

Rattlehead_ie

angeldelight : Good Point.

to me the other half meeting my parents is not the biggest thing and I dont think my parents build it up to be either. I do understand other ppls opinions that this is a big step but from personal experience to me its not really.If it was to happen in the 1st month or 6 months later doesnt make a difference. I would find though after a year or more that its odd that the situation hasnt raised itself that you would meet the other halves parents.

Bob the Builder

In my house, both the brothers (20 & 21 years old) introduced the girlfriends within the first month, but in both cases, havent yet being introduced to the mother and father "in-law" on the other side.

It's not a major thing really, unless the relationship is really serious IMO.

CathyMoran

I introduced my now husband to my dad about a week after our first date - to be honest, I trust my dad and I wanted him to sus out my then boyfriend. I met his parents after about 3 months. I do not see the big deal in meeting the parents. In the end of the day, my partner would have to get on with my family or else it would be a deal breaker.

Puffin

If the relationship is just casual, there's probably no need to meet them. But if there is even the smallest chance it will get serious, it's probably a good idea to meet them sooner rather than later so you can see what your potential spouse/life partner grew up seeing.

In another post someone wrote:

'I don't see anything wrong with venting about the girlfriend, even to other family members. I never said anything to my brother's wives, but the rest of our family shared our dislike for them privately amongst ourselves.'

If that type of behaviour was considered a 'norm' in any family I was anywhere near, I'd want to know about it

LegacyUser

I met my other half's parents about 2 months into our relationship, we are now together about a year and live together, travel home and stay in each others houses to visit every 2 months, we both get on very well with each others families. Depends on how close you are to your family I suppose, we both are still (mid 20's both of us) and its important that we visit since we dont get the chance to see them much anymore, its great for both of us.

It depends on your situation, to what extent you want to be involved with his family, or he with yours

Eppie

To be honest , I don't think it's that important whether you meet the parents or not. It's your relationship, not theirs.