Fcuked it all up...

LegacyUser

I never finish anything or stick with anything in my life, jobs, courses etc.

Today I've done it again...

I fcuked up big time by quitting something that I shouldn't have.

I've hurt my parents and my boyfriend and I hate upsetting them.

I really want to move away to start over, is it a bad idea?

I think its just what I need...

Marksie

Not much to go on there, but some general questions;

What makes you start something and then quit?

What makes you think that if you moved away it would be anything other than the same outcome, i.e you will quit at that and go back?

What in fact happened to cause this post?

Now if you can begin to answer the first question you can begin to see where the whole issue of not seeing things through to the end comes from

For example.
is it initial enthusiasm then an i cannot be bothered once the first flush wanes?
Is it not seeing clearly what effort is involved?
or
Is it more personal, fear of failing or looking at the end so you quit before it gets to that stage coulod be one.

If you start thinking about the why you do it? Then you can begin to deal with the issue

r3nu4l

Moving away rarely changes anything unfortunately, mostly because all you are doing is bringing the same behaviour patterns to a new geographic location. Travelling can be cathartic and even mildly therapeutic for some people...but far away pastures are often greener, grass is greener on the other side, etc, etc. Add your own clichés at will.

You need to modify the behaviour patterns causing this self-destruction. Perhaps a good Cognitive Behavioural Therapist would be able to help you. They can usually identify the thought patterns you have by completing a number of tests, questionnaires and by talking through scenarios (past, present and imaginary) with you.

The good news is that it is possible to change. It does take work. I used to become overwhelmed by work and start missing days etc. By burying my head in the sand and refusing to tackle the issues, they simply grew bigger. In my head, someone else would eventually have to take over the task I'd been given and I could start something newer with the intention of completing it. That's not how it worked out. Instead, the problems got bigger in reality and worse in my head. Organisation is the key that helps you unlock the door of the prison you are in (Really bad cliché alert!!! ).

Honestly, look into seeing a CBT if this is a repeat pattern of behaviour. If you don't want to do that, get some books on time management, organising your life etc. Every little thing you achieve in the day is a success and a step forward from where you were five minutes ago. Write 'to-do' lists, tick tasks off as you complete them. If you did something that wasn't on the list, add it to the list and tick it off as well. It feels good watching a long list disappear

Good luck!

LegacyUser

I'd rather not go into a lot of detail but basically I had been waking up at 4am, and had a constant feeling of dread when thinking about work. Not because of anything bad happening there. Its just happened in quite a few jobs I've had.

I left a job half way through my first day once because of a panic attack!

Is it not costly to get therapy?

I don't want it to seem like I am running away from my problems but I would like the chance to get a frseh start somewhere I can be a new person, where no one knows me.

anonymous_joe

Therapy might be cheaper than losing those jobs?

I had something similar when I was doing my leaving, and it took a while to get over it, but I really should have gone and gotten help, rather than leave things as they were. Try and get your family and bf to support you, they probably will.

Marksie

Whats more important your bank account or your wellbeing?

You can if you choose run away to pastures new...but remember you cannot run away from yourself. That is where the issues are lying...

r3nu4l

Did you quit your job? The reason I ask is that many bigger workplaces will actually cover the cost of stress therapy if it is work related... might be useful.

Overheal

fcuked wrote: »

I'd rather not go into a lot of detail but basically I had been waking up at 4am, and had a constant feeling of dread when thinking about work. Not because of anything bad happening there. Its just happened in quite a few jobs I've had.

I left a job half way through my first day once because of a panic attack!

Is it not costly to get therapy?

I don't want it to seem like I am running away from my problems but I would like the chance to get a frseh start somewhere I can be a new person, where no one knows me.

Is it the fear of failure or the worry of finances that has you so stressed out? If I had to guess (which i do) that panic attack you mention leads me to think its the fear of failure.

Success and Failure are never pre-determined: they are as definitive or vague as we choose. Life: It's not a Video Game; there is no Scoreboard there is no Game Over there is no Reset. But, it is very, very hard, to lose.

Once you start looking at one of your goals as the End All Be All thats when you'll have problems: once you start seeing your failing your Exams as the end of your life/the end of the road thats when you're going to fail, or quit, or run away from having try.

Beruthiel

fcuked wrote: »

Is it not costly to get therapy?

What does that matter if it helps you get your head together and teaches you how to face your problems instead of running away from them.

Moving away for a fresh start will not work, your initial, underlying problem will travel right along with you.
Face it and sort it out, otherwise you're in for one very miserable life.
Surely a few quid on therapy is worth preventing that?