What next? Please help.

LegacyUser

Some of you may remember me from previous posts.

I don't know where to start this time. My boyfriend left last night. I had thought things were so much better, but he obviously didn't feel the same.

I came home from work and fed my son, put him down for a nap and made my dinner. He seemed quiet so I asked him what was wrong and he told me that he didn't want to be with me anymore, said he doesn't see a future for us anymore and has been feeling like this for at least 9 months!!! My son is 8mths old BTW. He says he's not attracted to me anymore.....even though our sex life is good, or at least i thought so.

He then packed a small bag and left. I did the worst thing I could have done, I begged and pleaded for him to stay. I couldn't help it I was just so upset, practically hysterical.

He has my car, keys to the house and keys to my mothers house. I stayed with my mother last night as I didn't know what else to do. She's livid, and I'm doing everything in my power to stop her getting involved but she can be a bit overbearing at times....possibly one of the things that made him leave?

I just don't know what to do next, please help me.

Xavi6

Wow that's a really tough situation to be in with a young child. Really sorry to hear that.

I know things might seem rough right now but I would try calm down and give him a couple of days space to think things through. He clearly has some issues that need addressing.

When he has had his space it is important that you sit down and discuss these issues, if not for the sake of your relationship then for the sake of the child involved.

Kelly O'Malley

I wouldn't worry about the keys thing.When the smoke clears I'm sure you'll get them back.At least he had the decency to tell you to your face what he was doing - even if not very nicely - so many come home to a note on the fridge.
A relationship changes when a child enters the picture and a lot of men resent the focus being shifted from them to the child.
Looks like that's what happened here.Understanding why he left probably won't help you much now but in time it might.
All you can do is wait and ,for your baby's sake, stay as calm as possible.
Try not to get angry - I have the strongest feeling that this relationship is fixable - he is hurting as much as you are right now but if you do something silly in anger now you will regret it later.
Better stock up on tissues too - you'll need them in the next few weeks!

Marksie

My advice is simple at the moment. Just keep posting and talking here. It is raw and painful at the moment adn thinsg are too in your face to think clearly.

IN writing stuff down and taking time to try and organise thoughts then it will clarify somewhat.

Dealing with the practicalities with you and your child are what are immediately important right now. Get that to some semblance of normality and then you can begin to think about the emtional impact..which i am sure at the moment is completely devastating you.

Its a hard time and you have my best wishes

rohe

Hi

Was just wondering how your doing???

Have things gotten better??

Remember your not alone

You want a chat or just an ear so to speak just pm

Best of luck

marti101

just wondering how are you doing did you hear back from him.let us know as we are thinking bout you

LegacyUser

Well alot has happened in the short space of time since my last post.

I'll try to keep it as short and factual as possible.

He left on the monday night. On tuesday he came home after work and apologised for leaving the way he did, but that he still felt the same and wanted to seperate. Follow 4 days of crying, talking, begging, not understanding and basic turmoil.

On friday he said he was going out for a work party, but I had a niggling doubt, I discreetly asked my friend who works in the same company to suss it out for me. He said there was a night out but he wasn't sure if my BF was going and said he'd check it out. At about 11.30pm that night my friend came into the pub I was in and told me that my BF had turned up at the work party with another girl, he introduced her to his workmates and they left and went somewhere else in town. Just after I was told this my bf calls me and asks me if I would be home to pick up the baby from the babysitter before 12, I told him no and that he was to go striaght home. I also went home at that stage.

I arrived home a few mins before him and after he put the baby into his room I calmly confrtonted him about the girl. He admitted it and told me she was just a friend he'd met through another friend about 7-8 weeks ago and that nothing happened and they just met up to talk....alarm bells are screaming in my ears at this stage, and he is very very drunk. I asked him calmly if I could meet her to confrim all this and he agreed, I then asked to see his phone and he refused.....a big arguement followed which ended in him walking out again.

Saturday morning, he came home. He apologised for the night before and tells me that the story about the girls was a lie and he was afraid in his drunken state I wouldnt believe the truth. His new story, which he swears is the truth is that he had met her in a pub the week before at his friends birthday, there was a group of lads and a group of girls, all very innocent. She got his number from one of his friends, and texted him during the week, he told her he wasn't single and left it at that. When he was in town on Friday she called him to see if he wanted to go for a drink, he told her he was in town and he was going to a work thing. She came to the pub where he was waiting for his friends, then claimed her friends had ditched her and would he have a drink with her while she waited for them. When he rang me to see if he could stay out was when he was going to meet up with his friends (this part I know is true).

After all this I just broke, I couldn't take any more, I told him to pack his bags, give me the keys to my house, my car and my parents house and leave, that I'd be in contact about access to his son. He started packing, after a while I found him sitting in the kitchen crying, saying he's made a huge mistake and doesnt want this. After a lot of talking we decided to give it another try, I told him that it would take a long long time to build up the trust that he destroyed.

Am I a fool? Is he making an eejit of me?

Sorry for the mega long post....i'm so confused. I've left out loads of little bits that are linked into this story but it would have taken forever to tell otherwise.

bored and tired

perhaps he was the eejit for wanting out in the first place and now realises it?

Some men can be real children when babies come on the scene, its like having another toddler under your feet wanting attention and sulking if they dont get it.

I would be careful to ensure that your bf wants to be in the relationship and not just at the home for his son.

Can you check his phone when he is asleep, calls made received and messages sent, if he has already deleted them than you know there is more to the story than he has told you. If this new female friend is indeen new, then her number will have only popped up a couple of times.

Some might say checking his phone is out of order breach of trust etc., but he broke the trust not you and how can you regain trust in him without all the facts.

Lastly he damaged the trust in your relationship not you, YE both need to communicate and maybe go to councelling, but HE needs to know that every move he makes will be scrutinised until there is some trust between you, he doesnt deserve it, it needs to be earned back from the fruits of his labour,

JuliusCaesar

bored and tired wrote: »

Some men can be real children when babies come on the scene, its like having another toddler under your feet wanting attention and sulking if they dont get it.

Some might say checking his phone is out of order breach of trust etc., but he broke the trust not you and how can you regain trust in him without all the facts.,

I wouldn't advocate this. You don't trust him & either you learn to trust him again or you don't. Do you have a sense of honour? Could you live with yourself if you did this? Then don't. If you don't ffine....