Am i too old for her??

LegacyUser

Basically I'm 26 single for the last couple of years after a couple of failed relationships.

Basically out about a month ago with one of my college friends and we got chatting to a few girls at the next table nothing too serious just a bit of banter that went on now and again during the night. My buddy had been sick but we had this night out arranged for a while but he faded about 12. So he just kinda said it as one of the girls I had been chatting too was talking to me, so she insisted i stay with her and her friends and I'd had a few so i said why not.

Ended up having a great night with this girl, Ciara. Danced had a few kisses dropped her home in a taxi and she thanked me for being a gent...

Went for a drink then during that week nothing major as I had work the next day then she said she had to get up early for a lecture too, turns out she's only 18 and a half
The people she was out with the weekend were all 22/23 so i thought she was around that age. We've been out about 5 times. She's independent and a good country girl too!
She seems very mature, we get on well and have a lot in common and a lot to talk about.

She's met a few of my friends and apart from the fact they all think she's hot they all like her but are very surprised to hear her age.

I'm pretty confused. We're at different stages in life, I've done my J1, drinking all day in college etc but for her it's only just starting.

Could it work?

Maggie Simpson

Funny - I was in this exact situation when I was 18. My bf was 26 & we were together for about a year and a half. In my case, I was too young - or maybe he was too old! We cared about eachother and got on well, had common interests BUT he got serious when I wasn't ready - talking about marriage etc. which I just wasn't ready for at 19. So, my view is that at 18 & 26 you are at very different stages of your life, regardless of how mature she is.

aye

it can work. depends on what she wants tho. I have friends who met their boyfriends when they were 18 and he was 25/26.
however, those girls didnt do their j1's etc.
but they are still together, one of the couples lives together now, so yes it can work.

Dudess

OP, continue as you're going. It wouldn't be fair on yourself to cut all contact just yet. It might fizzle out or it might develop into something. You won't know til you try. Do, as others have advised, bear in mind the different stages in life thing though. At least that might prepare you for any obstacles that do crop up because of the age difference.

Seraphina

who cares if she's only 18?

from the way you describe her she sounds like a mature and sensible (but fun) 18 year old, not a moronic airhead like most of them!

so maybe it wont go far, maybe yis wont settle down and have kids together, but for the time being, you can still enjoy eachothers company, have a few nice dates etc.

dont see the problem personally! until her age causes problem (which i don't see how it could considering she's legal) then just go with the flow

Dudess

It's not so much her age itself, rather it's the different stages she and the OP are at. If the OP was 36 and she was 28, there wouldn't be as much of a difference simply because both would be (more than likely) out of college.

But yeah, go for it anyway OP. You might regret it if you don't.

punchdrunk

as a single 26 year old having no joy in that department i gotta say you'd be mad to pass this up over age

my boss is about to turn 40,his wife is only a couple of years older than me,they're very happy with two kids so it can definitely work!

give it a shot
maybe give the relationship a three month trial,and stick a date in your diary that on that day your going to sit down,and decide if she's for you or else end it then

good luck!

biko

Sure why not. Just don't expect too much, after all she'll be wanting to travel and maybe move away and things.
Take what you can and enjoy it while it lasts.

McGinty

Hi Op

If she makes you laugh and is good fun to be with, then I think you should at least give it a chance to see you both get on. Personally I believe age is just a number, although I can appreciate how lifestyles can vary in line with one's age. I have a fellow college friend who is 21 and her boyfriend is in his late twenties and they seem happy (they are living together), so see where it goes, I often wonder are people looking for pure guarntees of longevity in a relationship or just enjoying the moment with a person because they enhance your life at that point - maybe something to think about.

Miss Fluff

When I was 19 and just starting college I was going out with a guy who was 30 (and separated with two kids). Lasted for about five months and age had nothing to do with us breaking up. If she is mature and you're not having regular cringe moments at her immaturity then I don't see why it should be a problem. If it feels right go for it.

star-pants

OP when I was 18 I kissed a guy who I thought was 22 (and I thought that was a big gap at the time) after some texting I found out he was 26 and I felt that gap was too much (for me at that time in my life, I was in 1st year in college and away from home etc). But it had been only a kiss.

If you have connected with this girl and she with you - then why not give it a go? If the age doesn't bother her or you (really) then you'll only regret not trying it out. It may not work, it might - but there's only one way to find out.

00112984

Depends on the two of you, really.

I had just turned 19 when i met my boyfriend who was 26 at the time. Six years on, we're getting married.

There are ways of making thing work.

holly1

If you are both happy about things go for it,girls are more mature than guys so Im sure she knows whats what(think of her as 20/21).

LegacyUser

Hi op,

Speaking from having been in a similar experience to yourself. When I was 24 I start going out with an 18 year old who was very hot (Lets face it a lot of girls that age are fairly hot). But I fancied her so much that I let it cloud my judgement. Anyway we got into a relationship and it was'nt until a year later I realised what a mistake it was, mentally we were on 2 completly different wavelengths. She was insanely immature, even for an 18 yo.

All I am saying is go for it if you want, but be careful (if you want a relationship) that you aren't reading her maturity level wrongly because you fancy her. In my opinion it is rare to find it in girls that age.

Good luck!

chuci

op go for it if things are going well. why not. let it be a bit of fun for the time being see how things pan out.

Liam Byrne

I've been with a 28-year-old (and with someone even older) and both very immature and childish, while one of my potential in-laws is 22 and is WAY more intelligent and mature than either of them.....

If there were a choice between someone like her and someone who - on paper - is older but more like the other two, I know which I'd be happier (and saner ) with !!

It's not the ACTUAL age that counts; it's the mental age, confidence, life experience; plus, if it's likely to go somewhere, lifestyle and goals in life.

There's a chance that I might even be heading towards kinda the same boat as the OP, but in my case it'll be likes/dislikes, interests/things in common, conversation, "the spark" and stuff like that that decides the outcome, not the number on the birth cert(s).

the_syco

younguns wrote: »

She seems very mature, we get on well and have a lot in common and a lot to talk about.

She's met a few of my friends and apart from the fact they all think she's hot they all like her but are very surprised to hear her age.

Duuuuude. I fail to see the problem. You get on well together, and she's hot. What more can you ask for?

You prefer someone your own age, but which you have nothing in common?

Grab this chance whilst ye can. If it fails, you were with a hot little number. If it doesn't fail, you have someone you connect to. win-win, my friend.

You f**king bastard! Fair dues, sir, fair dues. May it go well for you.

Calibos

This is actually quite topical for me at the moment.

About 10 years ago I worked with the most amazing girl. Absolutely stunning and a great personality too. I pretty much fell for her big time.

The kicker is though that she was 17 and I was 22 at the time. I never did anything because of this. I rationalised that despite how I felt about her, that what she might have felt for me was probably just a schoolgirl crush anyway.

I said to myself I'd give it another year or two till she was 19-20 and I was 24-25 when the age gap wouldn't mean as much and hopefully she might still fancy me. Well it never happened. Drifted apart through work and socially and never got to make a move on her. Anytime I met her after that she always seemed to be with a boyfriend and in a relationship.

Even though its not like we were ever together. ie not like getting over an ex or anything...well it took me ages to get her out of my head and move on. I just couldn't imagine feeling the same about anyone else and well..............

Opened up the evening Herald on Friday and there on the diary page, "Pic of So and so attending such and such event"....

Well there she was. Looking more stunning at 29 then she did at 19 even. All the old feelings came flooding back. Sad or what?? It was then I realised that actually......I never had felt the same about anyone else since.....and I never even went out with the girl :rolleyes: Gettin' worried at this stage. I ain't getting any younger but while I have really liked a lot of women I've been with since, I just never really fell for any of them. Never had a relationship that lasted mre than a few weeks. All a bit 'Meh' in the end. Dammit! The standards bar was set too high in my young mind back then obviously and I have mentally sabotaged myself ever since when I think about it. I guess I should post in personal issues too about my 'Relationship issues'

All this over a girl who if anything probably only had a fleeting schoolgirl crush on me. I'll never know though because I never did anything about it.

Don't think she's married because she still has her maiden name but tbh I don't think I could approach her 10 years later and make a gob****e out of myself. "Eh, yeah, I never got into a serious relationship in the last 10 years because I wanted to leave the door open for 10 long years for you". She'd run for the hills and think me a freak"........but just imagine if destiny brought us together after all these yea..............[Slaps self across face] "Snap out of it"

Don't look back like I am now with pathetic regret for letting a few years age difference get in the way.

GA361

Eight years.Thats nothin.At 20 years my Great Grandmother married my great grandfather,who was 50!
But then again,this was the late 1890s.

the_syco

Calibos wrote: »

I don't think I could approach her 10 years later

Why not? Make a bebo page, find her on bebo, and send a "OMG, just came across your profile" message to her.

Faith

I don't think the age difference is an issue, but the different life stages are. My friend started going out with a 28 year old when she was 18. They were madly in love, but he was her first boyfriend, first everything really. He'd already had long term relationships, worked, had several degrees, travelled the world, and she'd done none of that. They broke up after about a year or 18 months because he wanted to get married and she didn't. That's the main problem you're going to have eventually.

STUBBORNGIRL

Any relationship will work if the chance has been given by both parties. Age is only a number and unless you can realise that then you may unfortunately jeopardise the best thing that could happen to you!

Take a chance - go with it, what is the worst that could happen - it doesnt work out!! big deal - move on and experience other relationships! Take chances! too many people are dying with the regret of not having done things - dont let this be you!

I do wish you every happiness though you really sound like a genuinely nice guy and lucky the girl who meets you! (even this 18year old )

Calibos

the_syco wrote: »

Why not? Make a bebo page, find her on bebo, and send a "OMG, just came across your profile" message to her.

Already found her page on Bebo Profile isn't public though so could only read the first few lines. I feel like a right Cyber stalker even doing that though

I did actually think of setting up a bebo page myself but would it not be painfully obvious cyber stalking. ie "Page created - 07/05/08" and then "Message from X received- 08/05/08"

Hmmmmm, maybe use my bro's page to PM her, "OMG Just saw your pic in the Herald and chanced my arm that you might be on bebo, wow blast from the past. Howaya doin'. Jaysus you look fabulous. Can't believe its 10 years....etc etc...blah...blah"

That way, it doesn't look like a set up a page specifically to contact her

valleyoftheunos

OP just today I read an advice colum about exactly your situation.

You may know it, its Savage, Love written by Dan Savage, not only is he very funny, he gives excellent advice on all matters love and sex related, check it out

http://www.avclub.com/content/node/79170

In short, be good to her and look after her without being overbearing and recognise the liklyhood that even if it does work out in the short or mid term its unlikely to work out in the long run. Keep that in mind and you'll be ok.

Sleepy

Calibos wrote: »

Already found her page on Bebo Profile isn't public though so could only read the first few lines. I feel like a right Cyber stalker even doing that though

I did actually think of setting up a bebo page myself but would it not be painfully obvious cyber stalking. ie "Page created - 07/05/08" and then "Message from X received- 08/05/08"

Hmmmmm, maybe use my bro's page to PM her, "OMG Just saw your pic in the Herald and chanced my arm that you might be on bebo, wow blast from the past. Howaya doin'. Jaysus you look fabulous. Can't believe its 10 years....etc etc...blah...blah"

That way, it doesn't look like a set up a page specifically to contact her

Or you could just set up the Bebo profile and message her in a couple of weeks...

Calibos

Sleepy wrote: »

Or you could just set up the Bebo profile and message her in a couple of weeks...

logged in on my bro's profile (should never have told me his login and password )

and because her profile is not public the only options are 'Report Abuse' etc and 'Add as Friend' which I assume needs verification/acceptance on her end before I could even PM. Hardly seems spontaneous and non stalkerish then really does it?

ie. along the lines of the_syco's advice, "OMG, just came across your profile...................
a few weeks ago, added you as a friend, waited weeks after you said to yourself, WTF does this guy want after all these years, and you finally clicking "Accept as friend"..............

arrrgh

Dammit, why did I have to see that photo in the paper. Hadn't thought about her in donkey's years. Wreckin' my head now but its just..............she was such a lovely girl, and my god, she is more stunning now at 29 than she was at 19 :rolleyes: