So have I managed to fcuk it up?

LegacyUser

Ok so i've seen this board and the useful advice offered and decided to post my....dilemma shall we say!

Met a guy a few weeks ago, got on really well and he came back to mine, nothing happened bar me being quite drunk after a little too much wine and next day all was ok. So texting away during the week and asks me out on a date, I couldnt make it and he couldnt make the alternative i offered. Still texting away and then fizzled out!

So i decided to text at the weekend and we met up, all went well, bar the fact that i mentioned I had been on a date earlier on in the evening which hadnt gone well! I did get on grand with his friends and chemistry was definitely there, ended up slightly drunk and stayed in his followed by lazy day listening to music, watching crap tv etc.......

So that was a few days ago and havent heard anything at all. I do really like him but feel i have scuppered my chances by being overly tipsy. Im an attractive girl and considered a lady by most but have definitely given the wrong impression.

Is there any point in me sending a text to try and wangle my way out of it and let him know i am not a raging alcoholic or should i realise he would have texted by now if he had any interest.

Im usually not one for over analysing and am very take it or leave it but havent had that 'rip my clothes off now' sparks with a guy for a while.

Thanks in advance, and i appreciate brutal honesty

Marksie

have you ever thought of talking?...its what we did before texting wrecked everything.

Its a more valuable form of communication than 256 characters and really is teh best way of finding out for sure what he thinks

aye

as marksie said, call him!

i dont see what the problem is with you having a few drinks. was he drinking also?

MIN2511

Forget him and move on.....

He isn't man enough to tell you he isn't into you so he ignores you.... Don't text or ring him
You spent the night at his place, courtesy demands he texts/rings you e.t.c.

SarahSassy

Why did you organise 2 dates for he same night??????

LegacyUser

Thanks guys, but as most of our correspondance has been via text a call might seem too full on, even though we've chatted for so long face to face....doesnt make sense i know!

Im surprised at myself for being bothered but there definitely was attraction and chemistry to boot. He was tipsy too but i was probably a little worse, curse that damned vino!

AARRRGH

Unreg Unreg wrote: »

i mentioned I had been on a date earlier on in the evening which hadnt gone well

This is the killer issue for me.

At the time he thought "well she's here now so I'll make the most of it" but now he's thinking "she's banging other guys as well as me".

Certainly if I met a girl and she said that to me, any idea I had of forming a relationship with her would die.

That's me anyway, so it's possible that's the way he is too.

Unreg Unreg wrote: »

So that was a few days ago and havent heard anything at all.

He could be waiting for you to contact him

Unreg Unreg wrote: »

i have scuppered my chances by being overly tipsy. Im an attractive girl and considered a lady by most but have definitely given the wrong impression.

Nah, I think you getting drunk wouldn't be a problem for him.

Unreg Unreg wrote: »

Is there any point in me sending a text to try and wangle my way out of it and let him know i am not a raging alcoholic or should i realise he would have texted by now if he had any interest.

Do not send him an apologetic text. You have nothing to apologise for and it's a negative way to restart conversation.

Send him a friendly hello, how are you, any news, etc. text.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

SarahSassy wrote: »

Why did you organise 2 dates for he same night??????

I had arranged a while back to meet the other guy, it was an early evening thing and i went into town to meet the ladies later. Really nice guy but zero chemistry, was then texting..lets call him John...and met him in town. Definitely not something would make a habit of but just turned out that way in the end.

Thanks for the advice min, i would usually not hesitate in doing this but something makes it different this time!

Thanks Dublin Dude, do see where you're coming from but i do feel like i acted out of character and wouldnt blame him if he thought i was a wine guzzling flirt hence would not want to meet me again. Will prob send him casual message later, maybe refraining from mentioning my antics of the night and see, better to know for certain and then chapter closed! Stellar advice guys, feeling a little better already

MIN2511

^^ So her going on two dates in one night might be an issue? Right, first you are not dating and and second you sure are not dating him... If you choose to go for 10 dates in one night it shouldn't be an issue...

RedXIV

Get in touch with him and meet up for lunch or something that doesn't involve drinks. Thats your drinks issue sorted, you'll get a chance to chat, and you can suss out what he thinks. As dublindude said, the thing about the earlier date was def a bad idea, makes the guy feel like he was plan b but you might still be able to salvage this. so get in touch. NOW!

AARRRGH

MIN2511 wrote: »

^^ So her going on two dates in one night might be an issue? Right, first you are not dating and and second you sure are not dating him... If you choose to go for 10 dates in one night it shouldn't be an issue...

Would you like it if the guy you were meeting had met another girl before you, or was meeting another girl after you?

Certainly he would be right to think he was plan b.

Also, personally, I think seeing a couple of people at the same time (especially the same day!) can come across as a bit slutty.

mickoneill30

MIN2511 wrote: »

^^ So her going on two dates in one night might be an issue? Right, first you are not dating and and second you sure are not dating him... If you choose to go for 10 dates in one night it shouldn't be an issue...

Dunno. She went out with another guy first and that date didn't go well. So she had a Plan B.

What would have happened if plan A went OK? Would she have told the first guy that she had to go out with another guy or would she have blown off the second guy? I'd be thinking that if a date told that to me. Either way it looks like that the second guy was choice number 2. That's probably fine for most guys but I'd say a lot would have a problem with it.

Edit: Ah crap. Dublindude got their before me. I hadn't read his post before typing mine (it's coincidence we were both talking about plan .

MIN2511

As long as there is no defined "relationship" i wouldn't be mad...

Seeing a couple of people at the same time is not slutty.... Some relationships work and other don't...

aye

MIN2511 wrote: »

Forget him and move on.....

He isn't man enough to tell you he isn't into you so he ignores you.... Don't text or ring him
You spent the night at his place, courtesy demands he texts/rings you e.t.c.

why does it demad he rings her, and not she rings him?

MIN2511 wrote: »

^^ So her going on two dates in one night might be an issue? Right, first you are not dating and and second you sure are not dating him... If you choose to go for 10 dates in one night it shouldn't be an issue...

of course its an issue. if you were madly interested in someone, why organise another date with someone else for the same night.

she couldnt make the first two arrangements, but when she finds time for him, it is after another date. i can see how it would be an issue.



OP i dont think you've ruined anything, just get in contact with him, see what happens. you dont need to apologise for having a few drinks.

all the stars

If you want to see him go make it happen -:)

AARRRGH

MIN2511 wrote: »

Seeing a couple of people at the same time is not slutty.... Some relationships work and other don't...

I am not saying it is slutty (I agree with you there are no "rules" at that stage of the relationship), but it can come across slutty.

Maybe she's having sex with all these other guys? He doesn't know whether that's true or not. It's a valid concern IMO.

LegacyUser

Why did you tell him you where on another date? If that was me you had told I would have walked off.

John Mason

Unreg Unreg wrote: »

Thanks guys, but as most of our correspondance has been via text a call might seem too full on, even though we've chatted for so long face to face....doesnt make sense i know!

Im surprised at myself for being bothered but there definitely was attraction and chemistry to boot. He was tipsy too but i was probably a little worse, curse that damned vino!

WTF, a phone call might be too full on? WTF, have you actually ever spoken to him? text messages are destroying relationships left, right and centre.


pick up the bloody phone and stop being such a wimp and another thing why are you waiting for him to text you (shakes head in disbeliefs - bloody text messages). why dont you jsut call him

having said, you went out on a date before you meet him and then told him. if i was him, i wouldnt be contacting you either

How Strange

^^^^ OP I'm afraid I have to agree with this sentiment. Why did you tell him about the other date? If someone said that to me I'd be offended.

So you may have f*cked up in which case picking up the phone is your best option. It may go either way for you but as you were the one who made the gaff then you have to brave it. At least you'll know where you stand.

MIN2511

OP... I know this is serious for you but i would like to know what his reaction would be so why don't you ring him and let us know what he says.
IMO he would give excuses of being busy e.t.c but who knows...

So ring him and keep us posted

Marksie

Unreg unreg wrote: »

I had arranged a while back to meet the other guy, it was an early evening thing and i went into town to meet the ladies later. Really nice guy but zero chemistry, was then texting..lets call him John...and met him in town.

So you were texting guy A while having a date with Guy B? Yes?. Repeatedly?

No wonder it was zero interest.

I am probably abysmally out of the dating scene, but if someone was texting someone else repeatedly while i was on a date with them, then it woudl be a case of getting the coats and goodnight.
Dear gods its a wonder anyone actually gets with anyone these days.

vorbis

Telling him baout being on another date is the f*ck up you made. Why on earth did you think he'd want to hear something like that. If ti was me, I'd be pretty annoyed. Theres nothing wrong with seeing multiple people but telling them is a bit iffy!

aye

vorbis wrote: »

Telling him baout being on another date is the f*ck up you made. Why on earth did you think he'd want to hear something like that. If ti was me, I'd be pretty annoyed. Theres nothing wrong with seeing multiple people but telling them is a bit iffy!

agreed, i would be a bit annoyed and wondering too.
however maybe she just thought it best to be straight from the start, which can be quite amicable.

LegacyUser

Whilst there's nothing wrong with 'dating' more than one person at a time, turning up on your date with the 2nd guy and rubbing it in his face was perhaps not the best thing to do. No matter how much I liked a girl, if she turned up on a date with me and started jabering on about how she'd just come off a date with another guy, then i'd think that she was attention seeking, immature and, quite frankly, slutty.

Reading that reply back - it was never meant to be a character assasination! I'm sure you never meant to send out that kind of message, but that could well be how he viewed the whole situation. I wouldn't have contacted you again if it was me.

MIN2511

If he asked... she told him the truth... he should be able to deal with it!

The general view on this from all responses is if you are texting/talking to a guy/girl don't text/call other people?????

aye

MIN2511 wrote: »

If he asked... she told him the truth... he should be able to deal with it!

The general view on this from all responses is if you are texting/talking to a guy/girl don't text/call other people?????

not really.
i think its more the fact that it was the same night.

AARRRGH

If you are on a date, and the other person is texting/calling some other person (who is a romantic interest), the only thing that can do is make you feel unimportant.

I would classify it as very rude.

If you do it outside of the date, that's grand.

St Bill

MIN2511 wrote: »

If he asked... she told him the truth... he should be able to deal with it!

The general view on this from all responses is if you are texting/talking to a guy/girl don't text/call other people?????

The OP is asking why the guy she's interested in hasn't called her back.
She told him she'd been on another date before meeting him....if I was in that guy's position, I would've felt the OP wasn't all that interested in me, hedging her bets as it were. She might as well have told him 'I don't really know what I want, but you'll do for the moment'. It probably wasn't her intention to give that impression, but that's the impression I've gotten from what she's written.

OP if you're interested in him, ring him, ask him how he's getting on. If you hear nothing back, then let it go.

valleyoftheunos

OP I think your mention of the other date is whats at issue here, not your tipseyness.

You are fully in your rights to see as many people as you like at the same time, even on the same night if you wish and as you say it was a long standing arrangement. Still it was a bit of an unfortunate slip that you mentioned it.

He may well have gotten the impression that you aren't very bothered about him, you had a terrible date and he was your back up. understandably he may not feel under much obligation to get in touch with you as he may think you aren't very interested in him.

If you are still interested drop him a line and try and let him know subtly that he is your prefered option!

Wagon

If i was me i wouldn't call you back. It's the whole seeing someone else earlier in the day thing, especially after you've been texting to this bloke for a while. It's like you were interviewing people.

But that's just me. Give him a call and get your answer, see how things go. Don't get your hopes up though and at the very least, don't make the same mistake again in future.

LegacyUser

437470w3hgldgdg wrote: »

Whilst there's nothing wrong with 'dating' more than one person at a time, turning up on your date with the 2nd guy and rubbing it in his face was perhaps not the best thing to do. No matter how much I liked a girl, if she turned up on a date with me and started jabering on about how she'd just come off a date with another guy, then i'd think that she was attention seeking, immature and, quite frankly, slutty.

Reading that reply back - it was never meant to be a character assasination! I'm sure you never meant to send out that kind of message, but that could well be how he viewed the whole situation. I wouldn't have contacted you again if it was me.

Thanks for all the advice guys, just to fill in a few gaps, (havent quite got my head around how you clever people who use multiple quotes). I was definitely not texting him while in the other guys company, as i said it was evening so did wait till the date was over.

Secondly, i know where most of you are coming from and im raging i let it slip and told him, this is where the vino comes into play!! Darn it! Funnily enough the exact phrase he used was 'am i plan B'!!!!!

But surely none of this matters because it was his house i was in the next day so he should know who im interested in! And after spending the day together, that would make it pretty clear i would have thought?! And its still the tipsy thing bothering me because he probably has the wrong impression, but now after reading a little he probably thinks im a slut too?! (which i most definitely am not btw) Oh god!

Still not sure about the phone call, yes ill need to add wimp to the list but have resigned myself to a short but sweet message and failing a response, a lesson learnt!

So i am pretty sure i have managed to fcuk it up but will keep you posted

How Strange

Unreg unreg wrote: »

Funnily enough the exact phrase he used was 'am i plan B'!!!!!

But surely none of this matters because it was his house i was in the next day so he should know who im interested in! And after spending the day together, that would make it pretty clear i would have thought?! And its still the tipsy thing bothering me because he probably has the wrong impression, but now after reading a little he probably thinks im a slut too?! (which i most definitely am not btw) Oh god!

Unfortunately OP, he may just think you are a s1ut.

I'd get in contact today or tomorrow and then if it doesn't work out just chalk it up to experience and you'll know never to mention double dating again.

I think we've all put our size nines in it on early dates and it usually happens when you're interested, well for me anyway, as I get more nervous if I like them so I tend to talk way too much without engaging my brain.