advice

fingerone

My boyfriend and I broke up around two months ago. We were having problems, he wanted a few weeks space and said he was suffering from depression. I am doing my final year in college and said that I could not deal with him been distance for a few weeks and the fact he would not get help for it. We met up a few times after initial break up to work through the issues and both decided we both needed to compromise. Then when he heard that I met up with my ex he went mad and said he could not be with me. I told him he was completely over reacting because I never cheated on him and never would and never hid the fact that I was meeting up with the ex.

I thought he used it as an excuse as he did not want to compromise in the end and I asked him and he said it was not an excuse. I have not heard from since him and miss him. My friends have said to move on but they are going to be bias but then again they could be right but would like to hear opinions from others who know neither of us but the problem mentioned above. I know both of us are stubborn and do not know if I should get in contact with him or it is just pointless?

RedXIV

Being frank and honest lass, it sounds like he's jumped on this opportunity to seal the deal and end it for good. Thats the impression i received anyway. Dependin on how he's dealt with jealousy in the past, you might get a better answer. If he's never had jealousy issues, it sounds like just an excuse to me. If he has, maybe he's had a bad day and overreacted.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

My guess is that it's a bit of mispaced paranoia brought on by the depression, which has obviously left him in a very insecure place.

There's nothing wrong with making a few polite enquiries as to how he's doing, but I'd certainly keep things at a distance. You've both got a bit too much on your plate at the moment to contemplate working out a difficult relationship.

Have you any mutual friends you could talk to?

Mimikyu

This post has been deleted.

LegacyUser

Sounds like an excuse to me. Not because he doesn't want to compromise, but because he's done with the relationship for other reasons. And instead of being a man and just staying it, he's come up with this excuse - trying to make you feel guilty to assuage his own guilt.

As your friends are saying, it's over, move on it. Try your best not to think about it anymore, and have no more contact with him.

Marksie

He is pretty much using your meeting with the ex as another nail in the coffin. A little self justification to hold onto.

In the end, what do you want to do? You say you are stubborn so will you just wait and see how it goes.?

If you relent a little and call him, you will be able to guage by his reaction what he feels. If the answer is still in the negative, then move on.

Creachadóir

Is he on medication for depression? If so, maybe you need to give him that space he wants. Apparently it's a bad idea to be in an emotional relationship when you start to go on anti-depressants.

fingerone

He was not on medication last time I was talking to him and when I advised him to get help, he refused. He said that he does not know why he gets depressed but just continues on a normal. I have never known anyone who has suffered from depression so I do not know if thats a normal reaction for some one who is depressed?

Answers to the other questions asked earlier, we have no mutual friends met him through work. He was never jealous of my other ex boyfriend who has a girlfriend but for some reason is jealous of this ex boy friend.

I would just like to thank those of you that have replied its really insightful to hear others opinions and very helpful.

Creachadóir

I'm going through a similar situation with my ex. He says he is depressed and needs space and has some other issues as well. He says he is going to go to the doctor/psychiatrist about it all. However, I don't think he has gone yet, as he told me he'd let me know when he does go. It's very confusing for me But I have been advised by a friend who is a psychiatric nurse to stay clear for a while for my sake and his sake until he goes through counselling a some anti-depressants. He said we were breaking up due to his fear of commitment initially...then this came out as well as something else that I think is odd. It has left me wondering if we broke up because of the depression or something else. Good luck with it! She said it is very common for people to try to hide that they have a problem/or be in denial and to refuse to get help. I don't know, but I think trying to make him go could cause resentment. He has to realise/decide himself.

Skadi

Is he jealous of that particular ex-boyfriend because you still have a good relationship with him?

It is normal for people who get depressed to try and ignore things and get on with life. Nobody likes to feel weak and going on anti-depressants does not seem like a solution if you are able to deal with. He probably just needs a good friend to talk to rather than seeking medical advice. If you keep pushing for him to get help then you are just pushing him away rather than trying to understand him.

I would suggest trying to stay in touch, just to let him know that you are still there and you still care about it. It is probably times like this that he needs to know he has a friend, rather than someone who is trying to make him commit.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

sphynxster

i think you need to move on and see what else is out there, life is too short

fingerone

After taking everyones advice into account, I have decided to move on and not contact my ex boyfriend. I had considered contacting him as some of ye suggested but on reflection have decided it would not be healthy for either of us. Thanx again.

GrumPy

He doesn't suffer from "depression", :pac: and it certainly didnt end as described. :rolleyes: Infact, the OP (original poster) actually apologised cause she knew what she did was wrong. But when she seen this wasn't working, she used "oh well, we only met up, your just jealous" as a form of closure when she realised the boyfriend wasn't accepting the apology.

Well thats my two cents anyway. I know my opinion seems unusually specific, but I believe the ex boyfriend metioned is indeed me.


EDIT:
And if college is as important as it is, which the OP has mentioned, (OP said exams were important and the problems in the relationship put pressure on the whole issue) then why choose a couple of weeks BEFORE said exams to try contact him again? Classic sign of someone who is confused/not sure what they want imo.

Bob the Builder

It looks like both of you have your deformities, which is natural, but you are not working through them, so it's quite useless..

..to me, it appears your fella has jumped on the last boat sailing east, and left you to your own thoughts.

Just do your exams and forget him...

GrumPy

What has me confused is the purpose of the thread? Genuine request for advice? Or some kind of gameplan knowing her fella was going to read it and know it was her?

Either way, more classic signs of instability/not knowing what she wants

fingerone

Firstly I never apologised to you, I said that you over reacted and if you think thats an apology, you are seriously deluded. More importantly, your an outright liar! You told me on the beach face to face that you were depressed which you now deny. If your feelings towards me had changed you should of been honest and not say that you needed space and blame been depressed! That is downright cruel and nasty! As cafecolour said that 'instead of being a man and just staying it, he's come up with this excuse - trying to make you feel guilty to assuage his own guilt'.

I was genuinely worried about you and you played on my feelings. You got what you want and I got my answer. Get over yourself I did not know you would see it, it was anoymous did not mention your name or mine. I am not posting anymore comments on this cause you know deep down you treated me badly by not been honest and that is what is getting to you not that i seeked advice when I was confused and worried about her depression, which you now admit you frabicated!

Lastly I would like to apologise on both my behalf and for his for this public display, if I knew this would happen I would not have posted this for advice. At the time I was truly confused but not any more I have seen my ex boyfriend's true colours.

GrumPy

fingerone wrote: »

Firstly I never apologised to you, I said that you over reacted and if you think thats an apology, you are seriously deluded. More importantly, your an outright liar! You told me on the beach face to face that you were depressed which you now deny. If your feelings towards me had changed you should of been honest and not say that you needed space and blame been depressed! That is downright cruel and nasty! As cafecolour said that 'instead of being a man and just staying it, he's come up with this excuse - trying to make you feel guilty to assuage his own guilt'.

I was genuinely worried about you and you played on my feelings. You got what you want and I got my answer. Get over yourself I did not know you would see it, it was anoymous did not mention your name or mine. I am not posting anymore comments on this cause you know deep down you treated me badly by not been honest and that is what is getting to you not that i seeked advice when I was confused and worried about her depression, which you now admit you frabicated!

Lastly I would like to apologise on both my behalf and for his for this public display, if I knew this would happen I would not have posted this for advice. At the time I was truly confused but not any more I have seen my ex boyfriend's true colours.

I was never depressed, got into moods once every blue moon, do not suffer from depression. :pac: And your so immature, now your making a show of the whole thing drama style on the bloody internet! :rolleyes: I know I shouldn't bother replying, but the reason I did in the first place was to try straighten out the story, and again I have to clear something up. I aint a liar, YOU are the one lying, I see you didnt mention you breaking down in tears saying sorry, actually using the words "I am begging you" so I would take you back. My feelings never changed for you, and I never used the whole issue as an excuse to get rid of you, you forced the relationship this way. I never lied or "fabricated" anything. Wait, you were worried for my feelings after I was forced to end the relationship? Strange, your the one who cant let go and leave me the **** alone. I cared loads for you. But you need to stop being immature and trying to contact me, texts with problems with computers only I could fix, msn asking me was it an excuse, etc... Go away seriously. Cant believe you are doing this now before your exams!! You are outrageously foolish and confused to do this now. It's just plain retarded!! Seriously, let it go, it's all closure for you. I was perfect for you, treated you well, and when rocky waters hit, you meet up with your ex boyfriend! You were in the wrong!!

cson

Lads in fairness, is PI the right place to be having this out?

GrumPy

cson wrote: »

Lads in fairness, is PI the right place to be having this out?

of course not, apologises, but had to be said.

Anti

Would the pair of you fecking eejits stop being such immature drama queens and sort your problems out like normal people ? Stop argueing here, i dont like seeing both sides of the story, i want it all one sided with plenty of finger pointing and smiting !

Marksie

Well now as you two are obviously in contact. The thread is redundant.
PM is the place.