Don't know what I should do...

LegacyUser

Ok so I'm 18 and in sixth year right now and it's basically decision time for what path I want to take in life. Basically, I'm conflicted about whether I should stay where I am or move away from home to somewhere big, say Dublin, for college. Basically, if I stay where I am I'm afraid everything will stay the same as it was for me in secondary school which wasn't very good. I was very shy and bullied during my first few years of secondary school. I recovered from that and made a small group of friends over the last few years but they aren't the type of people I would truly like to be friends with and I can't really be myself around them. I'm not really involved in any extracurricular activities and I'm pretty depressed and just not really happy with how my life is in general right now.

It feels like if I stay here I'll just go on being friends with them for the next 4 years, living at home, living my boring life, seeing the same old people every day and never be able to be myself, always being expected to conform to the expectations of those around me.

I would like to take a total change of lifestyle. Move away, meet new people, get a job, get involved in some new activities, not be afraid to be me. I want one part of my life that I can look back on and think that I had a good time. This all probably sounds really pathetic but yeah anyway... what should I do?

ModeSkeletor

Go to Dublin, I have experienced life in a small town and the difference when living in a large city is unreal. More so I would imagine for introverted people like yourself.

wylo

I think youve already answered your own question, there are so many people in your situation. I bet you if you move away for college you will be a changed man within a year. You'll meet so many people also in your situation, i really say go for it.

RedXIV

Don't pick a college because of location. Pick the course you like the sound of the best and go wherever it's offered. If i had gone where everyone was going, i'd have ended up in Dublin. Instead i took a course in carlow instead and had a blast, met my current gf and found myself happier in life.

Trust me on this, doing something that makes you happy in college is going to introduce you to more people that have similar interests and reagardless where you are, you'll have more fun if you LIKE what your doing in college

irish_boy90

I guess I am somewhat in the same boat as you. Course I want is in Dublin. Should be good.

Sunn

What makes you think a change of location will affect your thought process?

I know people who have flown have way around the world "searching" for a better life and didn't find it.

Its all in your head, if you want to change, you have the choice to. The location shouldn't and isn't a factor.

On saying that, leaving for somewhere isn't a bad idea but aslong as its for the right reasons rather than escaping "boredom" and "friends".

Balmed Out

Sunn wrote: »

What makes you think a change of location will affect your thought process?

I know people who have flown have way around the world "searching" for a better life and didn't find it.

Its all in your head, if you want to change, you have the choice to. The location shouldn't and isn't a factor.

On saying that, leaving for somewhere isn't a bad idea but aslong as its for the right reasons rather than escaping "boredom" and "friends".

So very true. Have seen loads of people go for a change of place to overcome their own problems and it normally doesnt work. Face your shyness or whatever yourself. Theres nothing wrong with moving but dont expect it to change your world you need to learn to be at ease with who you are first.

ModeSkeletor

Just in general, there are a lot more people in cities which usually results in a larger group of people who you can "connect" with. People similar to you, who understand you, etc. Definitely true for me anyway. I have lived in both a small town and Dublin.

mahamageehad

if you think you need to go for it do! But like was said above dont pick your college course based on location thats jst stupid. Im living in Co.Tipp n am in da same situation as you kinda and iv decided to go to college in cork nxt yr. I jst tout mayb dublin was a lil 2 far away even tho the courses r quite similar! However none of my friends are going with me they've mainly all decided to go to limerick and im kinda scared about doing it but at the same time i know that its something i need to do!!

Hope that helped!!

Keano

Go for it OP thats coming from someone who never did it!

I imagine it wont be easy at the start but in years to come you will look back and realise what a great decision you made

Dark Artist

I came from a small down down the country to study in Dublin, and even though it's scary going up, it's well worth it in the end. Trust me, it'll turn your life around.

pookie82

I know people are saying change your way of thinking not your location etc but in my experience (and almost everyone I've talked to) going to college allows a freedom that could never quite be attained in secondary school. In college you're far more likely to find like-minded people and the general level of acceptance for different types of people in third level education, as opposed to second, is far greater.

I know alot of people who were top-dog in secondary school and realised that when they went to college life was about alot more than make up and clothes. They soon realised that their shallow "in-crowd" in school really was just a fake little world which is unsustainable in the real word. Likewise I've seen people who were miserable in school and even bullied like you were, who felt like they didn't fit in and never would, come to college and find people who were acccepting of who they were, and had a great time.

So my advice would be to give it a go. If it's a big college chances are you'll meet loads of people you can connect with and you'll find that you're alot happier than when you were stuck in a small town with the mentality that goes hand in hand with that. I think you'll regret what might have been for a long time if you don't give it a go.

chuckles30

I would say - move away from where you are to whatever town/city has the course you want to do. You will make new friends and you will be able to start afresh without anyone knowing your history of bullying etc. It is very scary.......I did it, but it is well worth it. You will meet people through your course, through sharing accomodation and through activities. Of course you will meet people that you won't want to be friends with too but overall it will be a good and positive experience.

MizzLolly

Hey there

I'm from a small country town too - hate the place, the people, the fact that everyone's so narrow minded and that they all know your business.

I moved to Dublin when I was 17. It was the best decision I ever made and I don't think I'll ever look back. Of course Dublin has it's downside too but from living in the country for so long, I can honestly say that since moving here I have met some very genuine people. People who I can't imagine not having in my life. Being in a huge college with nobody I knew was the best thing I could have done. It meant that the friends I found were truly my friends, not simply people I hung around with because we went to primary school together.

The country can be a very harsh place to live in, it's a fish bowl society where suicide rates soar and rumours and gossip are rampant. Wouldn't be the most tender place I've seen anyway.

I can't tell you what is best for you but from my experience, moving up here has given me a new lease on life. Any of my friends who moved to a new place have said the same thing. The ones who remained in the country are still miserable, still pretending to like eachother and still pretending that they didn't hear the nasty rumours flying around about eachother.

You will find that by moving away alone and being independant you will become far more open minded and more comfortable in your own skin. Considering you feel that you 'can't be yourself' at the moment, I think that it would be good for you to move. You'll recover from all the bullying and realise that you're just as valid and worthy as anyone else.
Good luck in the LC

Boston

Sounds like you've made you're mind up to go. Theres nothing left for you at home.