serious help fast

LegacyUser

My phone got taken during school. So my friends ask me to go to the cinema later and im going out the door and my mom tells me to take her phone just in case anything happens. After the film we went driving around town and i was getting bored so I checked her inbox. I flick through and i come on to a message saying sex....it says, i feeling ****ing sick right now even saying this.. it said yeah i want too too, i want too make love but only if we get in to a reltionship and meeting up..other stuff too that i cant remember coz im so ****ing angry that im gonna explode. i know the guys name and i wanna kill him right now.

This isnt some made up post. My mom had an affair about 5 years back, i was young but i remember my parents fighting, my dad stayed with her for me and my sister. Im 17, 18 summer...and i dont kno what to do, tell my sister, shes 21..i kno she wont belive me...tell my dad and than my family is ****ing ruined, tell no1... seriously i dont kno i just wanna explode..writing this write now my hands are practically shaking, im just home. help please

Anti

Tough one... But i think the best thing to do is confront your mother about it. But obviously just the two of you. And let her know how you feel about this situation. IF you feel to nervous to do this alone confide in your sister and both of you talk to her, but dont loose the head.

Miss Fluff

Poor you. If you can, confide in your sister if you are close to her and ask her advice on it.

Latchy

Best to maybe sleep on it before making any wrong assumptions Op .Talk with your sister later today at a more relaxed time outside home perhaps .

AARRRGH

I smell a troll. (Has anyone else noticed a lot of dodgy stories lately written in the same writing style, i.e. coming from the same person?)

If you're telling the truth and not just wasting our time, I suggest you do talk to your sister. Don't tell your Dad. I'm not even sure if you should tell your mother. It's a really difficult one. Perhaps talk to a close friend of your mothers and ask her advice.

Kelly O'Malley

Are you your mother's keeper?I realise you're upset but it's really not up to you to sort out your parents' marriage.

LegacyUser

Im no troll, im registered on here. Anyway I went to bed last night after I wrote this, well tried. I'm not going to talk to my mom about what I saw, itd be too awkward. I say ill tell my sister, she has a better relationship with her, the thing is though she takes the slightest things to heart so imagine if I told her this, she wont believe me anyway. My dad cant find out like, hell flip and go on the drink for like 3 months and prob get fired from his job like the last time. My parents have been married for over 20 years. Btw the messages were sent on the 11th of april, so maybe its already happened. If anyone thinks im making this up than your sad, why would i bother making up stuff like this.

Tigger

please answer wrote: »

Im no troll, im registered on here. Anyway I went to bed last night after I wrote this, well tried. I'm not going to talk to my mom about what I saw, itd be too awkward. I say ill tell my sister, she has a better relationship with her, the thing is though she takes the slightest things to heart so imagine if I told her this, she wont believe me anyway. My dad cant find out like, hell flip and go on the drink for like 3 months and prob get fired from his job like the last time. My parents have been married for over 20 years. Btw the messages were sent on the 11th of april, so maybe its already happened. If anyone thinks im making this up than your sad, why would i bother making up stuff like this.

i think that you should confront her.
but after that i don't know

LegacyUser

I dont know if I be able to get the courage to tell my mom 1 on 1. What can I say...I was reading your through your messenges and I came across.... Im going to my friends house at 7 30, I was planning on telling my sister today but she had work and if I had told her she would of been in an awful state going in.

So I think I'm gonig to tell my sis privately when I comeback from my friends house. I dont have a clue how I'll tell her and what will she do. My mom dropped my sister to work at 1:30 and didnt comeback till 4, I never ever questioned before what she was doing but now im thinking maybe shes with the guy. Its really making me sick inside, cant even look at her the same way anymore. Like last night I didnt come home till about 12:15 and today she was asking me where I was and what I was doing, I felt like saying wtf were you doing for 3 hours and whats up with your messenges in your phone. I have no respect for her now after her saying shell never do it again the last time. Sorry for wasting your time reading this but I just have to get it out of me, burning up.

littlefriend

If you can't face talking to your mum yourself then tell your sister. Of course she'll believe you; it'd be a bit of a strange thing for you to make up.

I don't know anything to say to make you feel a bit better but if its any help to you, the message you describe sounds fairly innocent or at least as if they aren't having a full blown affair. That and the fact that she is a] leaving his messages on her phone and b] lending the phone to you seemingly without fear kind of hints that nothing too serious is going on. Maybe she is just enjoying someones attention without actually doing anything about it? The description of the message you gave doesn't sound like she is about to leave her family and run off into the sunset w/ this guy.

Any chance this guy text her accidentally? A [girl] friend of mine sent a text to me a 8am recently saying " morning darling, thanks for last night, 69s rock".. she said she DID mean to send it to me as a joke ha ha
another time a few years ago I sent a text saying "how many times do I have to go out with this guy before I sleep with him".. I was thinking to myself God wouldn't it be really embarrassing if I sent this to my brother - and then I sent it to my brother. Cringe. He wrote back .."em I don't know - who??"

patrickolee

you weren't meant to see it. Try to forget about it, its none of your business. It's between your parents.

chuci

tell your sister and the two of you work out either to talk to your mam or to forget about it. im sure your sister will believe you why wouldn't she? i know some people think its your parents and their marriage is separate from the "family", but you and your sisters are adults and you deserve to be treated fairly.it doesn't sound like your mom is up to anything yet but tell your sister a problem shared is a problem halved, a cliche i know but its true.

StandnDeliver

there was a similar post a few months ago,the other person said it to the parent.If i were you id hand back the phone to your mother with the text open, she will know that you have seen it.
So what can she do?
a) apologise say it was nothing
b) blackmail you to keep quiet
c) tell u she is unhappy and a sob story
d) she can come clean to your dad - which she should do,she is destroying you and being a liar.

She is adult,its unfair and it sucks so much you know,but maybe its better its out in the open.At least you may have a relationship with her in the future etc.

Good luck

BaZmO*

How would you feel if the roles were reversed? Would you think your mother had any right to get involved?

LegacyUser

Just came home round 30 mins ago (and yes my mom gave me her phone again) . I my sister, opened the message and handed it to her, she look at it for like 5 secs closed it and dimissed it as if it were nothing. I said well whats happening, she said she thinks its dad's cousin and its nothing. I was pretty shocked and asked her what the hell does it mean, i told her to read the message a bit more slowley and the others but she wouldnt and she started raising her voice a bit more. My moms in the other room as this is happening.

So I ask should we confront her and shes like o and should we tell dad too while we are at it. She was like its not our business its between them, im plain shocked at how much she doesnt care. I tell her plain and simple shes having an affair and we should confront her now, both of us. She dissmisses it again as if its nothing. Than my mom walks in and asks what were talking about and why she heard me say should we confront her. She sits down and demands we tell her. I was ready too tell her but I looked over at my sis and she wasnt even looking at her. I just said nothnig and than she thought I was drunk which I'm not. I ignore her and she walks out.

It seems my sister doesnt want anything to do with it and is hoping that its not happening coz when I asked her what time she got dropped to work, she said 2 o clock, I said she was home at 4:45 and she said O I saw her shopping while I was working. I said well what about the last 3 weeks where she kept coming back very late on a sarurday and she ignored me. She just doesnt want to believe that its real, I showed her the message so she would know that im not messing. My sis has a great relationship with my mom, 2x more than me, I know that, maybe thats why she cant accept it. Atm shes watching a film as if nothing is happening. My moms in the kitchen prob wondering do we know her secret... I suppose ill wait for my mom to go to bed before I talk to her again coz shell just raise her voice again.

Like I cant forget about it, I cant just ignore what I saw.

Update my sister just went into the kitchen to get a drink, I hear my mom asking her whats wrong and tell me what your talking about and my sister said nothnig around 5 times.

I suppose my last option is to do what "StandnDeliver" said but I dont have the phone anymore she took it back. (Also I told my sis I saw the message tonight and she said you shouldnt have been looking at her messages and was like giving out to me for it, I was like well lucky I did.)

LegacyUser

littlefriend wrote: »

If you can't face talking to your mum yourself then tell your sister. Of course she'll believe you; it'd be a bit of a strange thing for you to make up.

I don't know anything to say to make you feel a bit better but if its any help to you, the message you describe sounds fairly innocent or at least as if they aren't having a full blown affair. That and the fact that she is a] leaving his messages on her phone and b] lending the phone to you seemingly without fear kind of hints that nothing too serious is going on. Maybe she is just enjoying someones attention without actually doing anything about it? The description of the message you gave doesn't sound like she is about to leave her family and run off into the sunset w/ this guy.

Any chance this guy text her accidentally? A [girl] friend of mine sent a text to me a 8am recently saying " morning darling, thanks for last night, 69s rock".. she said she DID mean to send it to me as a joke ha ha
another time a few years ago I sent a text saying "how many times do I have to go out with this guy before I sleep with him".. I was thinking to myself God wouldn't it be really embarrassing if I sent this to my brother - and then I sent it to my brother. Cringe. He wrote back .."em I don't know - who??"

No I looked at it again tonight, as much as it pained me, meet up in "wherever" and make love e.t.c. There were more messages but I couldnt read them, just made me sick tbh. This happened 11th of apr so it could of already happened or not.

dudara

TBH, I think your sister is right. This is nothing to do with you. Your parent's relationship is theirs, not yours.

LegacyUser

Update my sister went into the kitchen and I listened and heard whispering, went in and it went quite and my mom said you were looking through my messages and I said yeah whats happening and she said it was only a joke about that shed just be messing by saying stuff like hows the sex life and ****. Now we are shouting (ive been writing this for about 15 mins so far). Shes giving out to me for reading her messenges and is saying theres nothing happening and its a joke...So I said if I showed dad right now the message and said that its only a joke message would he believe it and she said remember the trouble the last time. My mom is furious atm and my sister is telling me shell suss her out over the 3 daysa dn see if shes lieing. Now I feel ****ing ****, like is it a joke, i want to read the message again but she wont give tell us. Ive read the message like 5 times but I only remember the words sex making love.

Now heres something which will prob say shes telling the truth, the dumbass I am the message I read about them meeting up in a loctaion was from a friend and was for a funeral, the others were from a number with no name which I persumed was from him. Dif numbers.. im too confussed now, ill write back again later.

hungryhippo

dudara wrote: »

TBH, I think your sister is right. This is nothing to do with you. Your parent's relationship is theirs, not yours.

+1.

I don't see why you think you have a right to "confront" your mother. You are not your mother's keeper & this is really none of your business. She is not answerable to you.

My advice would be to live your own life and let your mother live hers.

CamillaRhodes

hungryhippo wrote: »

+1.

I don't see why you think you have a right to "confront" your mother. You are not your mother's keeper & this is really none of your business. She is not answerable to you.

My advice would be to live your own life and let your mother live hers.

I'm not saying I've got any better advice, but would you guys feel this way if the OP was talking about two friends rather than his parents? i.e. he found out his female friend was possibly cheating (again) on his male friend? Would it not be understandable that he would have some loyalty to that male friend and be concerned about him getting hurt again, even if (strictly speaking) their relationship is none of his business?

OP, I'm not suggesting that you should jump right in to the middle of your parents' relationship issues, though it seems you're already involved at this stage. I wouldn't suggest telling your Dad, and I would go easy on your Mum a bit - you don't know the full details or facts yet. Try not to lose the head entirely. But I do understand why you're upset - I've been there and know how devastating it is.

The other thing you've got to keep in mind is that, either if there was something going on and both your parents knew about it, it would still be 100% up to them to resolve it. If I was you, I would try to talk to my Mum about it calmly. Give it a day or two if you're too upset now, but try not to let your thoughts harden in your head - you might still be wrong about all this. Then, when you're able to talk to her calmly, sit her down and tell her why you were upset, what the circumstances were of you reading the texts, etc. And ask her calmly what the hell is going on. Judge her reaction. She may be telling the truth, and your paranoia has just set your mind in a certain direction (like reading the text about the funeral incorrectly). Listen to your Mum and try to give her the benefit of the doubt. I really hope she'll be open and honest with you and you'll believe her, whatever she tells you. If she tells you there's been something going on, some innocent flirting or whatever, communicate to her how hurtful this is to you (her family) and how hurtful it would be to your father, her husband.

Please don't, know matter what, start thinking about telling your accusations to your father. This will not help anyone.

Final thing: I don't mean this to sound at all patronising, OP, I'm sorry if it does. But you are quite young, and I remember how emotionally I used to respond to things when I was a teenager, particularly issues involving my family. Please try to calm down, take deep breaths. Go for a walk. Maybe talk to a good friend about it, someone who you know is generally calm and rational and things like this. Getting so worked up only confuses you further, upsets you further, makes it harder to resovle the issue with your mum without fighting with her... You'll find a way through this issue, but getting frantic and upset won't help any of you.

Good luck, and have a big hug. As I say, I know how it hurts dealing with issues like this in your family, but you'll get through it.

sunnyjim

hungryhippo wrote: »

+1.

I don't see why you think you have a right to "confront" your mother. You are not your mother's keeper & this is really none of your business. She is not answerable to you.

My advice would be to live your own life and let your mother live hers.

Yes, but what about his loyalty to his Dad?

It's a betrayal to his father not to let him know. What if his Dad finds out that the whole family knew about her antics, but no-one told him?

LegacyUser

Good news, my moms not having an affair lol, I'm stupid and read the situation the wrong way. Like a poster said at the very start it might be a joke message and now I believe that it is. My mom texted him saying hows the sex life as a joke and he said its going good and that he doesnt want to get in a relationship (not the exact wording up the text but that sums it up).

See what I saw was a message saying for them to meet up which is my dads cousin and 3 of them went to a funeral or something. And than I saw the message saying no I dont want to get in a realtionship and I put 2 and 2 together and obviously got everything mixed up. And yes the numbers were different

Everythings fine now except of my mom being mad at me for looking at her texts!! We didnt tell my dad about the message becuase he'll do what i did but 50x more so we didnt want to go through that.

Thanks everyone for the replies, it helped me to rant about it and get it off my chest.

Beruthiel

dublindude wrote: »

I smell a troll. (Has anyone else noticed a lot of dodgy stories lately written in the same writing style, i.e. coming from the same person?)

Either keep your troll comments to yourself or report the post.
B

biko

Thanks for the update. Hopefully this will to show not to jump the gun and that if you had talked to your mother it wouldn't have come to this.
Image if you would have told your dad like you wanted!