New relationship

EdwardDWood

Hi. Long time reader, first time poster. I've recently started seeing this girl, and things have been going pretty well. There are, however, one or two issues that have me a little worried. The first issue is resolved, even though it was pretty up in the air for a while. I was involved in a feud with a few mates that got pretty nasty. Nothing violent or anything, but it wasn't pleasant. The girl I'm seeing saw that it was affecting me and was worried it would affect her too. I kept her well out of it and things have settled, but I cant help thinking maybe she'd be a little wary.

The second issue is that I have a female friend I hang out sometimes. We go see movies or grab something to eat, very casual. We've known each other for years, and other than her asking me out a few years ago, which I turned down, there's never been anything between us. We're just friends. But the girl I'm seeing did ask me if anything's going on. I told her of course not, but she said that she's worried I'm a little 'dodgy.'

Now, things so far have been going great, and I really like this girl. She's intelligent, great fun, beautiful, and I really think things could go well between us. But I am worried she doesn't trust me. I've never lied to her or done anything to give her any reason to distrust me. I know there's nothing I can say or do to make her trust me, but does anyone have any advice as to how I might talk to her and, ya know, maybe help put her mind at ease? Sorry if this is a bit long winded, I just really want to give all the facts and get some advice. Thank you!

Rev Hellfire

She sounds like hard work to be honest.
I suggest you sit her down tell her this is how it is and if she doesn't like there's the door.

Cathmandooo

Why not invite her along with your female friend? I hate the thought of losing friends or having to cut down on them just cos you're with someone. Bear in mind relationships often dont work out and you'll be left stuck with no friends if you avoid them because of her.

Having said that I can well imagine it being quite difficult to balance the two when you're that close to a female friend. Try to imagine how you'd feel if it was a male friend your gf was going out for a bite to eat with and off to the cinema with, and add that he asked her out in the past. I can imagine you'd probably be quite jealous when she sees him.

Trust has to be earned, you're not gonna convince her by just telling her that she can trust you. Show her.

EdwardDWood

Thanks for the replies. I'd have absolutely no problem asking her along with my friend. Sure, if things go well, they'd meet at some point anyway! The girl I'm seeing hasn't been in many relationships, and she's been screwed over once or twice, so I cant really blame her for being cautious. But I've nothing to hide from her and I'd never hurt her, so I guess I'll just have to work on the trust thing. I'll definately suggest she come along next time I see my friend.

diamondp

Hi Op. thats good advise from cathoo but imo Rev hellfire is talking out his bum. get the girls together and you never know they could become great friends. its worth a try.

Das Kitty

When I met my man he had lots of female friends. He made a point of me meeting them. We're both still friends with all of them after 8 years. God, he has fabulous taste in women.

As for the aggro with the mates, that can be a little scary early in a relationship when you don't know the other person very well. As long as it doesn't keep recurring she'll get past it once she gets to know you properly.

EdwardDWood

Thanks for the replies guys. Das Kitty, I've taken steps to make sure the feud doesn't infringe on our relationship again. And I am eagre for her to meet my friend. I think they'd get on well. I'll talk to her later on and hopefully it'll all go well!

MIN2511

Hello there, it's always hard to have a close female friend and a gf... I tried to have a male best friend and a bf and that didn't last...
I thought they would get on, but they were jealous of the attention... it was quite messy and i had to choose(i chose the bf and that got me no where)
I hope your case is different though... goodluck!

LaVidaLoca

the ladies have a radar for these things that the lads dont.

Maybe your 'friend' actually still fancies you, and your new-GF is well able to see it, and she understandably, doesnt like it?

aye

EdwardDWood wrote: »

The girl I'm seeing hasn't been in many relationships, and she's been screwed over once or twice, so I cant really blame her for being cautious. But I've nothing to hide from her and I'd never hurt her, so I guess I'll just have to work on the trust thing. I'll definately suggest she come along next time I see my friend.

sounds like she's just a little insecure to me.
some girls have a belief that guys can be friends with girls cos we are all just walking sex addicts.
you just need to give it time, make sure to spend time with the new gf, and build up her trust.
bringing her to see your mate should be fine, will prob settle her worries a bit.

dont stop seeing your friend just cos you have a new girlfriend. the new girlfriend needs to accept you are adult enough to be friends and just friends with other girls.

UnregGirl

Beware of bringing your gf along with your female friend too much or it could make her feel uncomfortable or like a gooseberry every time she wants to spend time with you. And if you've been friends for years and she's been company for you through out your single years then she doesn't deserve to be dropped just because this new person doesn't like it. As for the feud thing with your mates. Well, it depends what 'measures you've taken' to avoid this infringing on your relationship. If you've taken measures to resolve it, fair play to you and that girl will obviously realise She's on to a good thing. However, if you've done what my 'best friend' has done and told me in a text never to contact him again, and left the situation unresolved cos he too has found a new interest in his life and is prepared to cut off the mates that stuck with him through his single years, well, let's just say that won't earn you a lot of respect in anyone's eyes. Relationships and friendships are tricky things, and like one poster said, if the relationship fails then you could very well be left with no one.

the GALL

or the next time she's over show her what you've written here and the reply's you've got. Us lads dont have a problem with having a 'harem' of lady friends but the wimmin dont see it like we do. It could be the catalyst to start the conversation that needs to be had. If your only starting out it's v.hard to lay the cards on the table for fear of rejection etc etc and as you've said she's bein messed about before.

EdwardDWood

Once again, thank you everyone! I had a chat with her tonight, and laid all the cards on the table. She agreed to come along with my friend next time, and she believes me when I told her we're just friends. I also have no intention of dropping any friends for this girl. While I really like her, I don't think it'd be smart in any way to just drop everyone! Glad I had the chat with her. She seems to have taken it pretty well. Thanks for the advice everyone!

SarahSassy

I suppose a new boyfriend having a 'nasty feud' with his friends would 'concern' me.. I know its strictly none of her business but loyalty would be a big thing for me.....

Kelly O'Malley

I am still 'best mates' with most of my exes and their wives/girlfriends.Usually their new significant other is wary to say the least about having me around but I have a method for putting them at ease.I totally ignore the man,focusing my attention on the new lady.I NEVER talk to him in front of her about past times,whether they be things he and I were together for or not.I never see him without her being around(in early days at least)I make a point of finding time to spend with her without him being around.Works a treat and I've been bridesmaid a few times(God those HORRIBLE dresses)