I feel trapped.. or something....

LegacyUser

I'm a reg on here but have gone unregged for this.

I honestly don't know how to explain how I feel. I suppose I'm writing this because I feel very depressed for the first time in a while.

I guess I don't hit these lows all that often, but I do experience them, and I feel powerless to stop them.

Probably should give a bit of background. I'm 19 and am in my first year of college. Since I was a young teenager, and perhaps all my life, I've had various issues with shyness and dealing with people. I've constantly battled with this and I've made brilliant progress in a number of areas. Unfortunately, my shyness is still present in certain social situations and how confident/outgoing I am depends greatly on what mood I'm in/how tired I am.

I guess this shy, quiet part of my personality is the root of this "trapped" feeling I'm experiencing these days. I guess the biggest thing that gets me down is my lack of a girlfriend and not being able to see myself realistically getting together with any girl in the near future. This is primarily because I don't know many girls who are single and who I'm attracted to, and I just can't envision myself getting to know any other girls, especially any who might be interested.

Another reason I feel a bit trapped sometimes is that I'm a bit unconventional in my interests and ideas, despite the fact that I don't act weird, and find it difficult to find anyone who can relate. Whenever I find someone who can relate to my interests, they come across as weird and I don't really enjoy their company. Whenever I talk to people who are more "normal", they can never relate to any of my interests in any way. Of course there are exceptions to this, like my best friend, but people like this don't come along all that often, and it leaves me feeling a bit lonely.

I go through phases of being happy to be a bit different and thinking positively, to hating my life, envying others and being quite negative. Then there's apathy, which is my usual state.....

I have high ambitions and expectations of myself, but I never really realise them unless I really push myself, which doesn't happen all that often due to my overt apathy. I often fall into the trap of wasting any time off I have by sleeping in til mid afternoon, just going online all day, lounging around the house etc.

So em... yeah, this has been a long, rambling post that probably doesn't reflect my state of mind all that accurately(I'm not so good at expressing myself sometimes), but oh well, maybe someone will give me some kind of magic bullet advice..........

Kevster

Hey,

I am 25 now but went through severe shyness for the majority of my life. I don't particularly regard myself as shy anymore but I've only come out of it within the past two years. Even during my first year of college, I generally kept to myself and had few friends. In fact, I don't consider that I've ever had any close friends in my life at all. I've had 'acquaintances', but no-one that I'd really wish to remain in contact with forever.


It will probably take you a while to become comfortable around people - you should be aware of that fact. So, as your course progresses, I'm sure you will gradually begin to talk more to your colleagues and a friendship of some shape or form will be created.

I'm interested to know what it is you are interested in - Care to share?

Hmm, anyway, also be aware that there is no ideal to aim towards in life. As best as you can, be happy with who you are. You don't have to be like everyone else who gets pissed at the weekend. If that's what they like, then so-be-it. People like you and I can be happy, but we just have to look a bit further.

Take care my friend,
Kevin.

LegacyUser

Kevster wrote: »

I am 25 now but went through severe shyness for the majority of my life. I don't particularly regard myself as shy anymore but I've only come out of it within the past two years. Even during my first year of college, I generally kept to myself and had few friends. In fact, I don't consider that I've ever had any close friends in my life at all. I've had 'acquaintances', but no-one that I'd really wish to remain in contact with forever.

I suppose I differ to you in that I have two really close friends, and I'm good friends with a couple of people in my course. It's a small course, only 20 or so people in it, so it was easy enough to make friends.

My shyness isn't really an issue in situations with small groups of people I'm used to and am comfortable with. With people I don't know and in large groups, it's a different story, however. And as I said before, my shyness can fluctate in strange ways. I might be extremely outgoing with people I don't know one day, and quiet and reserved in a group I know well the next day.

Kevster wrote: »

I'm interested to know what it is you are interested in - Care to share?

I love music and like a massive range of different genres and artists, not many of whom people I talk to have heard of. I'm also very into computers(doing a computer related course in college) and I have a fascination with drugs(not so much taking them as reading about them, their chemistry, their effects, societies attitude to them etc.)

Kevster wrote: »

Hmm, anyway, also be aware that there is no ideal to aim towards in life. As best as you can, be happy with who you are. You don't have to be like everyone else who gets pissed at the weekend. If that's what they like, then so-be-it. People like you and I can be happy, but we just have to look a bit further.

Well, I am partial to going out the odd time and getting pissed ,but I understand the sentiment.

Kevster

Hey again

Try me with some of the music that you are interested in. I have a diverse taste in it too and appreciate how it (i.e. - music) can so effortlessly lift me from a depressive mood like nothing else can.

I used to go out also at your age but I learned that I never really enjoyed it. I was also doing computers at your age but ended-up leaving it! I'm now on the verge of getting a degree in Biosciences.

Do you find that you have intense interests in life - like, things that you devote a lot of your time too and end-up learning everything there is to know about them?

Kevin.

i-digress

I know exactly how you feel. I've never felt 'normal', and like you fluctuate between feeling happy to be different and unique and other times feeling i'm missing out on something that everyone else isn't. I also have high aims and expectations for myself but have to push hard to achieve them, my default is to lie around reading books and doing very little.
You're lucky to have two friends who understand you. I joined groups that surrounded my interests, and I met my fiance through that on a historical field trip. If you try and do similar you may meet someone special through that.
The most important thing is to try and be happy. Do things you like doing, spend time we people who's company you enjoy, life is short. And try not to compare yourself to other people. Like riding a motorbike, if you keep looking at what other drivers are doing you'll crash into something. Concentrate on your own route.

daveywavey08

You're just a bit shy that's all. There are lots of losers like you around. Basically, you need to just come out of your shell and do a fair bit of boozing. The booze will give you the confidence to chat to women when ya go out. I know I'll be scalded for this and I know it's only a short term solution, but it will give you the kick start you need to get your sorry ass into gear.
Join a gym and pump some iron too. Nothing like test to give you that bit of self-confidence.

daveywavey08

xx

Kevster

daveywavey08 wrote: »

You're just a bit shy that's all. There are lots of losers like you around. Basically, you need to just come out of your shell and do a fair bit of boozing. The booze will give you the confidence to chat to women when ya go out. I know I'll be scalded for this and I know it's only a short term solution, but it will give you the kick start you need to get your sorry ass into gear.
Join a gym and pump some iron too. Nothing like test to give you that bit of self-confidence.

hmmm....unfortunately, there are also a lot of arrogant pricks around like you. I certainly wouldn't suggest to the person who started this thread to look up to you as the ideal. In fact, you are anything but the ideal, and your genetic code should not be allowed to be propagated.

Kevin.

i-digress

daveywavey08 wrote: »

You're just a bit shy that's all. There are lots of losers like you around. Basically, you need to just come out of your shell and do a fair bit of boozing. The booze will give you the confidence to chat to women when ya go out. I know I'll be scalded for this and I know it's only a short term solution, but it will give you the kick start you need to get your sorry ass into gear.
Join a gym and pump some iron too. Nothing like test to give you that bit of self-confidence.

He isn't a loser. He needs to be happy in himself, not mask unhappiness. There's nothing wrong with being a bit different and feeling a bit lost.

daveywavey08

I'm just trying to give the chap advice. If he wants to stop having to pull himself off every night for the rest of his life and have someone else to do it, then he should listen to my advice. PM me if you need serious help, not from losers like Kev. I'll take you under my wing, ma boy.

Gordon

daveywavey08 wrote: »

You're just a bit shy that's all. There are lots of losers like you around.

Go away troll. Banned.

Kevster

Yeh, I just looked at all of the other posts that he has made on the website. I hope he had his fun expressing his true mind. Maybe he has a problem of his own and this was his way of releasing tension of some sort.

To the starter of this thread, don't bother paying lingering on what daveywavey08 has said. It was not an attack at you,

Kevin.

Sqaull20

daveywavey08 wrote: »

You're just a bit shy that's all. There are lots of losers like you around. Basically, you need to just come out of your shell and do a fair bit of boozing. The booze will give you the confidence to chat to women when ya go out. I know I'll be scalded for this and I know it's only a short term solution, but it will give you the kick start you need to get your sorry ass into gear.
Join a gym and pump some iron too. Nothing like test to give you that bit of self-confidence.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article1092628.ece

Kelly O'Malley

Ever heard of creative visualisation?Be worth your while finding out what it's about.And using it.An excellent book on the subject I came across recently is The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.There's a website too - http://www.thesecret.tv

quietobserver

the secret is also available on audio format, worth a listen many many times, you will always get some message from you. Also bear in mind that your 19 you have loads of life to live, when i look back to when i was 19 i can remember how i thought things would go, things always change and most oftenfor the better. Work with the changes, id be with the last poster on this and read that book or the audio cd "the secret". might be what you need.

highlydebased

OP.....I know too well what its like. But as others have said theres no need to feel a compulsion to conform to an ideal, or to be like anyone else. I realised that. I'm not quite like anyone else to say the least, I have unusual views and opinions, and take an unusual stance on life. I'm different in social situations, I do different things. Life is yours- live it your way.

LegacyUser

Kevster wrote: »

Try me with some of the music that you are interested in. I have a diverse taste in it too and appreciate how it (i.e. - music) can so effortlessly lift me from a depressive mood like nothing else can.

Lol, I hate this question, there's no definite answer. I guess I just strive to find more and more different sounds. At the moment I'm into a lot of ambient stuff like Aphex Twin or Brain Eno. Was into a lot of no wave stuff for a while there. I love music from the 80s/90s alt/post punk scene in the US and I've gotten into a lot of stuff from that era in the UK too. Used to be a big prog rock fan, and I've gone through phases of liking certain types of metal too. I also love psytrance and some other forms of dance music, most recently electro house. Oh and experimental electronica, I love that.

Kevster wrote: »

I used to go out also at your age but I learned that I never really enjoyed it. I was also doing computers at your age but ended-up leaving it! I'm now on the verge of getting a degree in Biosciences.

Heh, I love going out, but not so much to mainstream places with mainstream crowds, that I don't enjoy. I like dancing but don't like the way dancefloors in most clubs are so sexualised and seem to exist for the sole purpose of drunken guys trying to pick up girls. Though anywhere I go that I like seems to only have people who are a few years older than me, which is annoying.

As for computers, I reckon I'll keep em up, but who knows.

Kevster wrote: »

Do you find that you have intense interests in life - like, things that you devote a lot of your time too and end-up learning everything there is to know about them?

I find I have intense interests in life, would love to devote loads of time to them and become really good at them, but always seem to lack the drive or organisation to pursue them actively.

i-digress wrote: »

You're lucky to have two friends who understand you. I joined groups that surrounded my interests, and I met my fiance through that on a historical field trip. If you try and do similar you may meet someone special through that.

Hopefully... lol.

One of my problems is finding groups which surround my interests.

daveywavey08 wrote: »

You're just a bit shy that's all. There are lots of losers like you around. Basically, you need to just come out of your shell and do a fair bit of boozing. The booze will give you the confidence to chat to women when ya go out. I know I'll be scalded for this and I know it's only a short term solution, but it will give you the kick start you need to get your sorry ass into gear.

Lol, you speak as if I haven't been boozing for as long as everyone else my age.

Kelly O'Malley wrote: »

Ever heard of creative visualisation?Be worth your while finding out what it's about.And using it.An excellent book on the subject I came across recently is The Secret by Rhonda Byrne.There's a website too - http://www.thesecret.tv

???

I'll give it a watch I guess....


I probably should point out that I'm not a painfully shy, total recluse. I'm quite outgoing at the best of times, but I find myself very shy in certain situations. And I find that when I'm not shy, I still never can seem to find anyone who can relate to me(though as I said before, there are exceptions).

While I appreciate the sentiment, I find comments like "Life is yours-live it your way" to be a bit meaningless. I suppose my problem is not that I'm trying to live life according to how other people think I should, but rather that I'm trying to live life my way in a world that isn't very suited to living life my way, if that makes any sense

I'm not so depressed anymore, I'm wondering whether my situation was/is actually bad enough to have warranted a PI post(I was just very down at the time), but it's nice to talk about your feelings and thoughts now and again I guess

Kelly O'Malley

Good for you teh.I've a strong feeling you'll be just fine.We all have low spots and this way of venting them looks like it's worked for you.Go get 'em tiger - what a dull world it would be if we were all sheep...