Falling out - Meant to be going away

shabaz

I have fallen out with my sister/sisters and im just really upset as we are meant to be going to New York next Wed, and now i feel like not going, i just feel so hurt like they are all ganging up on me.

I am recently single, came out of a long relationship, not through my doing, so this was really hard thing to happen to me, im getting on and over it more or less.

At the same time of the break up i stated new job and, it has'nt worked out for me so they are letting me go next week before i go to NY I have'nt any new job lined up yet, So things have'nt been great.

And now ive fallen out with my sisters and i feel so alone.

It was over what money we all owed for the trip, i was annoyed that my sis has asked me to pay the same as them (the couples) for the trip, she then sent another txt to say sorry that i should only pay half of what they pay, but cos she had to discuss this with my other sis, i was annoyed that she originally thought i should pay fully.. and it was only when she spoke to my other sis that she then changed her mind, so I sent a angry txt to her and it started world war 3 off.

Then my other sister is taken her side and not seeing my feelings. Also they keep pointing out, that im going out too much and drinking and what not, and im like ok well you be single on your own again see how you like it, what the hell else am i going to do. They have the security of their partners to comfort them in times like this i am on my own. And its soo easy for them to argue with me, but i am on my own...

All the arguements ive had lately with different members of family im told is all my fault and im made feel im wrong, so am i not allowed to say to someone if they do or say something to upset me, im not one to hold things in and think you should say if some thing is upsetting you, but it all gets thrown back in my face.


So now i dont even feel like going to NY. Im soo upset i lost out on 2 holidays last year because of the break up of my longterm relationship, and now here it is happening all over again.

Sorry this is so long im just really upset.

thalia_13

Heya Shabaz, I know this might not be what you want to hear, but you are being unfair on your family. Obviously they care about you, they have invited you on a trip away with them, to keep your mind of things at home. You are wallowing in a bit of self pity though. So what if they are in couples and you are alone. Thats not the end of the world.

I really do understand that you are upset, and feeling lonesome, i was reading your post, and you seem to falling out with alot of family members. It can be frustrating as a sibling to see your sister hurting. It hurts to see your family hurt, and Ive no doubt your sisters do feel terrible for you.

Somehow though, in your post you have come across (to me anyways) as your preoccupied with this being alone theory, and are sniping at the sisters out of maybe some jealousy!

Your sisters are worried about you going out alot and drinking alot because of a few reasons I bet. 1) you have no job anymore so need the money, 2) they dont want to see you get drunk and meet some eejit , perhaps have a one night stand, and be feeling even more bad in yourself, and 3) drinking alot wont solve problems, it helps you to forget alright, but only for a short while.

I know where you are in your head at the moment, Ive been there, Ive done the same with my family, sniping at them, fighting over my shadow. You are in the middle of emotional turmoil, your hurt, and you are feeling alone.

Dont take that out on your family. Go to New York, stop picking petty fights over petty topics, and go enjoy yourself.! This is the the start of a new page in your life. Embrace it, enjoy yourself in NY, come home and find a new job, and get yourself sorted out.
And dont be worrying about being alone, as whats for you wont pass you, you will get over this and the Mr Right will turn up.

Also give your sisters a break. Fair enough they are in couples, but they can see you hurting, they are obviously feeling sad for you! Dont be throwing their help back in their faces. And if you dont agree with something they say and you know it would cause a fight to reply , take a deep breath, count to 10 and then reply with dignity, clarity and calm! You'd be surprised the amount of fights Ive avoided due to this!

I hope this helps! Sorry if I was a bit harsh,

sam34

shabaz wrote: »

They have the security of their partners to comfort them in times like this i am on my own. And its soo easy for them to argue with me, but i am on my own...

so, whats your point? you should be immune from people giving you well-meaning advice, or, god forbid, arguing with you because you are "on your own"?? since when has not being in a relationship been a barrier to being independent and strong. this may sound harsh, but imo you need to grow up and stop playing the "vulnerable single person" card

barbiegirl

Agree with thalia_13. I've also been there you are so hurt after the break up that everything is terrible, you're overly sensitive and think everyone has a opinion that is the complete opposite to yours. You don't want to be pitied but at the same time you want people to be gentle with you cause you are so tender. Nobody can do right for doing wrong.
Just ring your sisters, say you were overly sensitive, lets forget about it and enjoy the trip. Come home write a list of what you want from a job and start looking for it when you come home. Start concentrating on another part of your life like work and then you'll find other things start to fall into place.
Good luck cause all you need is time and to understand what you are going through :-)

mrsdewinter

As someone who plays the single vulnerable card myself from time to time, I have to agree with sam34. It's not a very attractive trait in a single woman. Better to follow Barbiegirl's suggestion. It's sensible, allows you to save face while seeking the support of your sisters, and it will help you to move on from this unpleasantness and look forward to your NY trip.
Good luck

Spud83

shabaz wrote: »

It was over what money we all owed for the trip, i was annoyed that my sis has asked me to pay the same as them (the couples) for the trip, she then sent another txt to say sorry that i should only pay half of what they pay, but cos she had to discuss this with my other sis, i was annoyed that she originally thought i should pay fully.. and it was only when she spoke to my other sis that she then changed her mind, so I sent a angry txt to her and it started world war 3 off.

So she apologised, admitted she made a mistake and yet you sent her back an angry text instead of doing the decent thing and accepting the apology. Yeah I can see why they would be a bit angry at you, maybe its time for you to try and be the bigger person and apologise for your reaction.

Maybe they are actually worried about your drinking, for financial reasons, and both physical and mental health reasons.

If I was you I would call them both apologise for your reaction, say you now realise it was over the top and you can see that they are only showing concern for you in regards the drinking. Say you are really looking forward to the trip, getting away for a while, and spending the time with them.