mid life crisis of sorts

freezer502

Hello everyone,
Im just looking for some advice, i finished up college two years ago in the UK and had a lot of friends when i was over there and never had a problem with having lots of friends in the past. I have been working in dublin now for the last two years and seem to have lost contact with many of friends both at home and abroad for many differant reasons on my part mainly due to laziness in keeping in contact on my part. I have been single as well now for the last year and a bit too and think that my circle of friends is so small now that i will never meet the right woman as i have not been gettin out too much since i left college.Does anyone have any advice?

Sherifu

You can always take up new activities, make new friends. It just takes a little effort on your part to get out and about.

freezer502

ya thats the obvious answer alright and i have been tryin to do that but has not been a great success on my part.

Dudess

That's not a "crisis" - that's something that affects many, many people, so remember you're not alone.

Well you've learned the hard way that you have to make an effort to stay in touch with people - not lecturing you, it's a mistake many of us make. But value the friendships you have now. You say you have a small circle of friends - that's better than none at all. Be more pro-active in organising nights out, activities etc. You say you're not getting out much? Why not? What's stopping you from going out with the friends that are here? What about getting to know workmates, housemates? Then you'll get to know people through them. Boards itself organises great social events. Do you take part in any activities outside of work hours - e.g. sports?
Forgive me but since I only have your opening post to go by, it doesn't seem like you make much effort with regards to social activities.

Oh, and "mid life"... what age are you? Since you were at uni over in the UK up to two years ago, I'm inclined to believe you're not quite middle-aged (in and around 45+) just yet...

DD

Sherifu wrote: »

You can always take up new activities, make new friends. It just takes a little effort on your part to get out and about.

Sherifu can always be a good friend if u want

freezer502

ya im 25 not a mid life crisis but i have seen my circle of friends dwindle drastically, first reason was i moved house when i was 18 then i moved to the uk to go to college, when i moved back to ireland after 4 years away many of my friends had moved also and i didnt keep in touch but when you are in a differant country it aint that easy. I dont really socialise with my flatmates but it seems to me that they stick to there own friends a lot. i dont really have any friends in dublin bar one or two and they are in relationships which can be awkward if i meet up with them for drinks.

shoegirl

I think this happens to us all at some point in our lives. When you go to school and college its like there is some ready made social life there you can tap into. Its harder though, when you go to work and have to fend for yourself.

What I do suggest is join Sports and Social clubs on the job - a marvellous way to get to know others, especially from outside your immediate department, get involved in your local community.

Now there is one more point I pick up on - you say you came back from the UK. Much as people tend to forget, the culture there is slightly different, and sometimes you can find it hard to readjust when you come back, I know I did, even though I was there for a much shorter period than you. You just need to look around all the time for new ways to bond, and sometimes give people a chance.

Lastly, I have to say, because of my previous career, which I've long since changed, I used to spend a lot of time patronising people who didn't really have much interest in me. I know you may feel you didn't bother keeping in touch with people, but sometimes people don't keep in touch with you. Then after a few years, the odd person started to look me up. I got back in touch with those special few, and even recently, spent a wonderful holiday with a friend I used to hang round with 9 years ago who I hadn't seen for 7 years, she has looked me up and "found me" again at least twice - believe me, now at the grand old age of 35, I really appreciate people who can do that. Hang on in there and you will find that you'll slowly start to make real friends and there will be people there for you.