Consumed by Apathy?

LegacyUser

Hi all, regular poster gone unreg’d here.
Let’s start from where it’s most relevant. I’m 21 and have had depression for most of my adult life. I don’t really need to be giving you much background here I feel, just need some advice.

Basically I just switched jobs as my previous employer had decided to close down the department. I work in telesales BTW. I am in my new job the last month or so but to be honest I am only here in body. I do genuinely like this job and it’s a fantastic opportunity but I can’t get myself to do anything. I only just get round to turning up for work on time. I don’t really fulfil my job description at all. Basically, a liability to my employer. The only way reason I am doing this is as a means of basic survival I suppose.

Previous to this I was after dropping out from college and moving to Dublin. I started a new job hit the ground running, again great opportunity, people and environment but after a few months found myself in complete indifference, again just a means to survive. Mind you college started the exact same way, first year: dived in head first, got a couple of A’s in the subjects I wanted for 2nd year and passed the others that were insignificant. I ended up repeating 2nd year and then giving up as I was wasting my time and money and other people’s also. In my L.Cert I was never pushed at all to do anything, just did enough to get by without really working/studying whatsoever.

I have done counselling before but for me it was a pile of $hite to be perfectly honest, not for me at the time or maybe that counsellor in particular. I was offered meds at the time by my doctor but I declined, I am open to them now though. Anything to break the cycle or just even make me feel a bit better.

What I want to do is approach my employer to get some time off or whatever to clear my head and get some help, but I’m not too sure what way too approach it and I’m very nervous about doing so. What’s the best course of action as I’m really stumped here?

Kooli

I'm so sorry to hear what you've been going through for what seems like a really long time. It really does sound like you are dealing with depression at some level, so I think it's great that you are feeling motivated to make a change at the moment.

Antidepressants can be a good temporary measure to lift you out of a low mood for a while, but I would definitely suggest you try counselling again if you want a longer term solution. Depression isn't part of you, or something you have to live with - it's something that will hopefully pass with help and time, and with it the apathy and lack of motivation will also hopefully improve.

It's a shame you had a bad experience with a counsellor before, but one bad counsellor hopefully won't turn you off the whole lot. Your GP could refer you to a counsellor (probably a cognitive-behavioural therapist), or you could go privately, but make sure the counsellor is accredited with the IACP or similar body.

If you don't feel ready for that you could start by doing some reading, like 'Mind over Mood' or 'The Feeling Good Handbook', but they lack the warmth and empathy you could get from a good counselling relationship with a counsellor you trust.

As for work, if you really feel you need the time off, you could ask your GP for advice on this if you don't feel ready to talk directly to your boss.

Best of luck with whatever you decide.

alantc

I don't really care for apathy myself.

AARRRGH

Firstly, you're only 21, so you have plenty of time to explore yourself and figure out what makes you tick.

What do you enjoy? What are you passionate about?

Lots of people hate their jobs, or feel indifferent about their jobs, or in general just zone out when they're in work. You're not abnormal there.

This is what I'd do if I were you:

1. Start an exercise regime. Exercise has been proven to lift moods. In my own experience I've noticed it clears my mind as well. Start with brisk walks at night and then take it from there.
2. Improve your diet. Reduce or eliminate processed foods and instead eat healthy, delicious food. You'll have loads more energy and in general feel better about yourself.
3. Cut out caffeine and booze, if possible. You'll be amazed how much better you'll feel getting these drugs out of your system.
4. Start studying. This should be something you're passionate about. Here's a personal example. I broke up with a terrible **** of a girlfriend about five years ago. My head was melted. I started studying Israeli history and got involved with a pro-palestinian human rights group. Two things happened. The first is I found the subject fascinating/crazy so it kept my mind active. The second is it helped me put my situation in perspective and realise how good my life is. Studying is fantastic for the mind. It'll make you more alert, focussed and calm. Calmness is a lovely side effect of studying.
5. Consider travelling or working abroad. Getting out of your environment might help switch you on.
6. Reconsider therapy. Worst case scenario it's a waste of money. Most likely, if you find the right therapist, you'll learn things about yourself.
7. Don't worry. Make a bit of an effort and things will work out ok. Try to think long term.