Taking things to heart

heavyheart

Im a sensitive person and generally do take things people say to heart and despise the thought of anyone talking about me behind my back..
e.g i was over at some girls house last weekend , a group of say 4/5 girls who have known each other a long time but one the their friends wasnt there and oh my god did they bitch about her .. i no for sure they do it to everyone .
As a result of knowing this i end of feeling defensive and i get self righteous and come across as over sensitive ... I know they bitch and people will always talk but is there anyway i could stop being so sensitive ?? If anyone slags me or anything i get very self conscious and insecure in myself... i want to move on and not take everything so personally , any advice on how i can do this ?

wylo

you need to figure out ways of bringing up your confidence, alot of info on the net about that if you google it. Now I know i cant really relate to it as much because Im a guy surrounded by lads who constantly take this p1ss out of each other, but you really really have to try and resist being defensive openly. It doesnt help anyone if someone slags you and you instantly start coming up with every reason to defend yourself. They dont meand it and will do it more if your too defensive. I know its hard to remember that they dont mean anything by it but I guess you have to keep reminding yourself.

As for the bitching, it may sound weird but alot of people(moreso girls,sorry if its sounds sexist) like bitching. They like bitching even if they dont really dislike someone. Its weird and it can do alot of unnecessary damage, but I think thats life, what age are you ? Things change when you get a bit older, and you'll end up being alot happier in yourself

heavyheart

im 25 !!! Sad i no i sound like a teenager... its just im quite a naive person and so when i hear them all bitch i get a little shocked cause there all supposed to be best friends !
But your right i have to stop being openly defensive and hold my tongue.. im only giving them ammunition against me being so vulnerable ..

i-digress

Everyone in life is different. Some people are weak physically, some people are weak emotionally. I take things to heart more than anyone else I know, but like any weakness you just have to try to find a way around it and endeavour to toughen up. Easier said than done. It sometimes helps to locate the motivation behind someone saying something nasty to you. Do they have a point? If they do, change what you're doing. If you haven't done anything to deserve the bitchiness, they're probably jealous or trying to make themselves feel superior by ripping somebody else apart. If this is the case it is *their* problem not yours. Think about your good points, and try not to think about what people say behind your back. :rolleyes:

heavyheart

Thing is i always end up thinking , oh my god what if they are serious ? How do i no they are always messing ? See , paranoia

RedXIV

The easiest way i found was to see if they are still friends with you. As wylo said, i'm a guy and all we do is take the piss out of each other, and in particular, with my groups of friends, nothing is taboo.

When i first moved to wexford, i was very sensitive, having coming from a completely different environment and thought that i'd never find friends but the realisation that, well he's taking the piss out of me but he's also just bought me a drink and invited me to his gaf on sat to watch the match so he can't hate me that much.

Girls are a bit trickier, thousands of opinions will clash here but women are an awful lot more sly than men. if men don't like people it's usually evident. sometimes it's impossible to tell with women. But use the same tactic. If one of your friends is insulting or bitchy, well an invite to go out some night or meet for lunch, at their initative, is proof they still think of you as a friend deep down

heavyheart

I think maybe its because i never really had a big group of girlfriends when i was growing up , mainly hung around with guys , and the girls i did were straight up country girls like myself where as these girls grew up in the city and no each other all their lives.
But , point taken , if they invite me round and text me then maybe im not all that bad .. hope i havent already given off a bad impression now by coming across so defensive over the weekend ...

RedXIV

You'll be suprised. The fact that you're against bitchiness will probably make you stand out as a REALLY good friend. you're on to a winner lass, you've the right ideals and all ya need is a bit of toughening up

heavyheart

RedXIV wrote: »

You'll be suprised. The fact that you're against bitchiness will probably make you stand out as a REALLY good friend. you're on to a winner lass, you've the right ideals and all ya need is a bit of toughening up

awh thanks .. you really cheered me up ...

Thanks ..

RedXIV

Another life saved! time to go put on the superman costume and strut for a bit!

ah no, believe me, you'll be grand. if not, PM me and i'll send ya a massive list of practical jokes to play on these people

quietobserver

yea id agree with red, i always went with my own thoughts on things like this, even though it didnt sit well with the people i associated with when i was young, i didnt let it bother me and now i hear more people praise my point of thinking or my view for its individuality, you cant go wrong if your true to yourself.. go for it. learnt all this and im not 30 yet