Boyfriend gets too drunk

LegacyUser

My boyfriend and i go out all the time , we enjoy our nights out .. thats all good. But when he goes out with his mates he comes home an absolute mess , so drunk he talks to himself , sometimes wets the bed and the next day never remembers not much/any from the night before ... I cant help wondering what if some girl came over and tried to kiss him and he cant remember that it ever happened ...I no i come across insecure but i cant help it. does anyone else share the same situation and how do you deal with it ?

Sleepy

Why would any girl even want to kiss someone so drunk he's likely to wet the bed?

LegacyUser

It doesnt happen all the time but it has happened that he has wet the bed , its more common than you think as i have read a previous post about it .
Im in this relationship for better and worse , this is unfortunately the latter...but i can deal with this by just making him use the loo before he goes to bed , this is not my main concern , the forgetting the night before is .

Irishcrx

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
You'd be sursprised.

OP, you need to sit him down and tell him that getting that drunk and coming home to you a mess is not acceptable, tell him that he should show a level of maturity when he is out drinking. My ex girlfriend would go out and when she got hammered she would come home and start all sorts of trouble, I tried talking but eventually I had to say enough is enough, I came from a drink troubled family and had to see it all my life so last thing I wanted was to continue seeing it.

Drink can be a major influence over peoples personalities and can control them, you really do need to know when you've had enough, sit him down talk to him, get his side of it but don't come accross as your trying to tell him what to do, just come accross as concerned which I believe you are.

Sam Vimes

ohlord123 wrote: »

I cant help wondering what if some girl came over and tried to kiss him and he cant remember that it ever happened

tbh if that happened i wouldn't care in the slightest. if he's so drunk he doesn't know what's going on and some girl comes over and starts kissing him, it's hardly his doing. it's not like he purposely cheated. it'd actually be a kind of sexual assault if he's too drunk to conesnt

Irishcrx

Sam Vimes wrote: »

tbh if that happened i wouldn't care in the slightest. if he's so drunk he doesn't know what's going on and some girl comes over and starts kissing him, it's hardly his doing. it's not like he purposely cheated. it'd actually be a kind of sexual assault if he's too drunk to conesnt

Of course she would care, if that attitude was adopted then he could go out get blind drunk and soon enough sleep with someone and then say "Oh sorry honey I got blind drunk again and can't remember so it doesn't count"...don't think that's going to cut it.

teaholic

my boyfriend was like that too, hed get so drunk hed walk into the bathroom and just aim where ever.
He learnt a very expensive lesson when he did it into my makeup box, I save up and buy No.7 or Mac which as you know is expensive.
He was made replace everything, to the tune of approx €200, (mad yes i know but this was years of saving and buying "the good stuff".)
I said thank you and if anything like that happened again I was gone. He realised how serious I was and now can show some self-restraint.

RedXIV

OP, hate to do it but i'm defending the bf here. In any relationship i've been in, if i'm out with the missus, there's a constant thought at the back of the head "mustn't embarrass herself, must stay semi sober, must make sure i don't get drunk enough to do something stupid" and as a result, while i loved being with said girl, it was impossibe to fully unwind.

But a night with the lads..... well for starters, on most nights with the lads, we'd sit around and talk for the night. No need to worry about going dancing or anything flirty. AND we'd boost the drinking level several notches because i could afford to and i had nobody who was going to judge me harshly for it.
Just because he goes home absolutely hammered is NO indication he's out flirting. As another poster said earlier, do you have any idea how hard it is to be attractive in that position????

Sam Vimes

Irishcrx wrote: »

Of course she would care, if that attitude was adopted then he could go out get blind drunk and soon enough sleep with someone and then say "Oh sorry honey I got blind drunk again and can't remember so it doesn't count"...don't think that's going to cut it.

well that'd be a bit different in that he'd be getting drunk with the intention of doing it. as long as it's totally the random girl's doing and the bloke never had any intention of kissing someone else i don't see the problem

i don't think it's possible to unintentionally sleep with someone tbh. the OP was talking about a kiss

LegacyUser

Like the other night he came home ( fair enough he was on a stag ) and he told me he got chatted up by this gorgeous girl but he said no i have a loving gf at home , he says it almost like he deserves a medal for turning her down whats that all about ? Why is in the the position that he is getting chatted up in the first place ?
Knowing that he gets chatted up and gets so drunk he doesnt remember nights out = not a happy me .

paulksnn

OP - on a night out on a stag at least, you end up talking to a whole load of people you normally wouldn't. I wouldn't worry too much about that.
And yes, we guys do like a bit of acknowledgement that we did the right thing sometimes (we're like puppy dogs I suppose you could say.)

As for wetting the bed, if I were you I'd put my foot down. That sort of behaviour really is unacceptable in a grown man.

NoQuarter

RedXIV wrote: »

OP, hate to do it but i'm defending the bf here. In any relationship i've been in, if i'm out with the missus, there's a constant thought at the back of the head "mustn't embarrass herself, must stay semi sober, must make sure i don't get drunk enough to do something stupid" and as a result, while i loved being with said girl, it was impossibe to fully unwind.

But a night with the lads..... well for starters, on most nights with the lads, we'd sit around and talk for the night. No need to worry about going dancing or anything flirty. AND we'd boost the drinking level several notches because i could afford to and i had nobody who was going to judge me harshly for it.
Just because he goes home absolutely hammered is NO indication he's out flirting. As another poster said earlier, do you have any idea how hard it is to be attractive in that position????

you are spot on my friend.

i go out with the GF and cant get hamered because im responsible for staying in a decent state to talk to her, have to get a taxi home with her etc....

but with the lads its just all out drinking, doesnt matter if you go home seperate, nobody is watching you drinking(unless your going slow!) you have no worries, its just carnage!

OP about the other night, i would bet that he told you he turned down a girl because you were hassleing him for getting into such bad states and probably saying to him "god only knows what you do be up to etc etc"

i go out and destroy myself with the lads but being hammered still doesnt mean you cant stop someone from kissing you, i get so drunk i cant remember things the next day too but i still managae not to walk out in front of busses etc!

LegacyUser

just for the record ! I ALWAYS end up looking after him on a night out and i never hassle him for the state he gets in , he does his own thing so do i ! He is just a messy drunk and always ends up in a worse state than me so its totally not about him not being able to relax in my company or watching what he drinks , its not like that between us ... its just i worry about him cause he isnt great at handling his drink and telling him to take it easy drinking.... well i might as well be telling him to chug his pints !!
I worry cause years ago we were fighting on a night out and he started hugging this girl to get at me and then just didnt remember a thing about it the next day ..

missmatty

king-stew wrote: »

i go out with the GF and cant get hamered because im responsible for staying in a decent state to talk to her, have to get a taxi home with her etc....

but with the lads its just all out drinking, doesnt matter if you go home seperate, nobody is watching you drinking(unless your going slow!) you have no worries, its just carnage!

I love a good mad session as much as the next person (possibly more!) but I find this post pretty pathetic. So you can only relax by getting into a state where you can't even talk to someone....

If you can't handle it don't do it. I once had to stand beside an ex of mine while he puked his ring up on the street in Dublin on a Saturday cos of a vicious hangover. It was mortifying. Also my brother peed once into my slippers when drunk, it was the last time he ever did it.

Don't get me wrong I can drink plenty and enjoy a session but when someone is pissing the bed thats a bit much if I have to sleep in it as well.

millyj

nothing wrong with going out and enjoying yourself with mates, its never healthy to spend ALL your time with a partner but getting so drunk that you lose control is out of order. My ex lived with me and sometimes would get so drunk he wouldnt come home at all, would be uncontactable on his mobile and then a couple of days later he would get texts from random girls. destroyed any trust we ever had.

RedXIV

Alright thers is different levels here of drunkeness that need to be addressed.

lets say you hit drunken level 1. this is the state where you know that the alcohol is slighty affecting you because your giddy, you do the "careful walk" when going to tha bathroom etc. you're in a state of happiness and beginning to unwind and forget about all problems.

drunken level 2 approaches. this is where peoples "drunken habits" kick in. For me it's getting friendly with everyone, determined to make more friends and reassure current ones that they are the best in the world. for some it might involve dancing, others singing, or if your unlucky, getting rowdy.

Drunken level 2 is as far as i'd ever go if i was out with a girlfriend, and even then it's usually only drunken level 1.

Drunken level 3 hits, you start ordering different drinks because you like the sound of the name or colour of the liquid. You KNOW not half of this is going to be remembered and at this stage all you want to do is laugh and have fun. Your buddies are around and you have an insatiable desire for 3 bags of chips, a battered sausage, 2 kebabs and a roast chicken if you could get your hands on it.

This is where is usually end up on a lads night out. Drunken level 3 is for LADS only.

Then there's the horrible, life changing, legend creating state of drunkeness. Drunken level 4. This is what happens when you lose the run of yourself. usually only occurs when stupid drinking starts from the get go and the fact you get back to the right house is an achievement. you could wake up on your stairs, holding a giant plastic pig and completely wrapped in cling film and christmas tinsel. or worse. Drunken level 4 is responsible for all the "peeing in the fridge because the light looked the same" or "needed the basin beside me in case of...you know..."

Now while i'm a strong advocate for drunken level 3, which practically DEMANDS no female presence to restrict the fun, I'm AGAINST drunken level 4 as i, and i'm sure most others have experienced it and it's not good. (the pig thing happened )

LegacyUser

ohlord123 wrote: »

just for the record ! I ALWAYS end up looking after him on a night out and i never hassle him for the state he gets in , he does his own thing so do i ! He is just a messy drunk and always ends up in a worse state than me so its totally not about him not being able to relax in my company or watching what he drinks , its not like that between us ... its just i worry about him cause he isnt great at handling his drink and telling him to take it easy drinking.... well i might as well be telling him to chug his pints !!
I worry cause years ago we were fighting on a night out and he started hugging this girl to get at me and then just didnt remember a thing about it the next day ..

Should i just forget about the last part of this post , for some reason even though it happened ages ago it always sticks out in my head .

LegacyUser

ohlord123 wrote: »

Like the other night he came home ( fair enough he was on a stag ) and he told me he got chatted up by this gorgeous girl but he said no i have a loving gf at home , he says it almost like he deserves a medal for turning her down whats that all about ? Why is in the the position that he is getting chatted up in the first place ?
Knowing that he gets chatted up and gets so drunk he doesnt remember nights out = not a happy me .

Listen, if you're bf never ever got chatted up and people never checked him out would you now think....hang on.... is he a totl MINGER?

I was in similar situation on Saturday with my bf where we'd been at a friend's bday on the Friday night and he said some girl came up to him at the bar and said hello. He just said hi and turned away because he 'didn't feel he had to explain anything to her'

So what if people think he's hot enough to chat up. It fundamentally comes down to trusting the person. If you don't think he'd cheat when he's sober then why would he do it when he's drunk.

alcohol alters personalities but it's not going to make someone do something to which they've a moral objection!

millyj

he was hugging a girl just to annoy you? nightmare....that just screams of insecurities and too many mind games.....

helimachoptor

RedXIV wrote: »

OP, hate to do it but i'm defending the bf here. In any relationship i've been in, if i'm out with the missus, there's a constant thought at the back of the head "mustn't embarrass herself, must stay semi sober, must make sure i don't get drunk enough to do something stupid" and as a result, while i loved being with said girl, it was impossibe to fully unwind.

But a night with the lads..... well for starters, on most nights with the lads, we'd sit around and talk for the night. No need to worry about going dancing or anything flirty. AND we'd boost the drinking level several notches because i could afford to and i had nobody who was going to judge me harshly for it.
Just because he goes home absolutely hammered is NO indication he's out flirting. As another poster said earlier, do you have any idea how hard it is to be attractive in that position????

To quote... Nail, Hammer,Head,

When out with the Gf I have a few beers and a bit of craic but i'm always well behaved because i feel i have to be, maybe thats weird...

Out with the lads and there's been times when I haven't been able to get out of bed for 2 days afterwards

LegacyUser

millyj wrote: »

he was hugging a girl just to annoy you? nightmare....that just screams of insecurities and too many mind games.....

His insecurities or mine ?
He has never ever done anything like it since but my father cheated on my mother their entire marriage and eventually walked out on us and although ive never ever had a boyfriend cheat on me it always still at the back of my mind...

Overheal

Red XIII (the XIV is a lie) wrote:

do you have any idea how hard it is to be attractive in that position????

Yes. Yes I do.

I think the only problem you have here is bed wetting to be honest. If you don't like the fact that he drinks thats fine; but if its because you think he's out cheating on you, well, like Red says.

Irishcrx

RedXIV wrote: »

Alright thers is different levels here of drunkeness that need to be addressed.

lets say you hit drunken level 1. this is the state where you know that the alcohol is slighty affecting you because your giddy, you do the "careful walk" when going to tha bathroom etc. you're in a state of happiness and beginning to unwind and forget about all problems.

drunken level 2 approaches. this is where peoples "drunken habits" kick in. For me it's getting friendly with everyone, determined to make more friends and reassure current ones that they are the best in the world. for some it might involve dancing, others singing, or if your unlucky, getting rowdy.

Drunken level 2 is as far as i'd ever go if i was out with a girlfriend, and even then it's usually only drunken level 1.

Drunken level 3 hits, you start ordering different drinks because you like the sound of the name or colour of the liquid. You KNOW not half of this is going to be remembered and at this stage all you want to do is laugh and have fun. Your buddies are around and you have an insatiable desire for 3 bags of chips, a battered sausage, 2 kebabs and a roast chicken if you could get your hands on it.

This is where is usually end up on a lads night out. Drunken level 3 is for LADS only.

Then there's the horrible, life changing, legend creating state of drunkeness. Drunken level 4. This is what happens when you lose the run of yourself. usually only occurs when stupid drinking starts from the get go and the fact you get back to the right house is an achievement. you could wake up on your stairs, holding a giant plastic pig and completely wrapped in cling film and christmas tinsel. or worse. Drunken level 4 is responsible for all the "peeing in the fridge because the light looked the same" or "needed the basin beside me in case of...you know..."

Now while i'm a strong advocate for drunken level 3, which practically DEMANDS no female presence to restrict the fun, I'm AGAINST drunken level 4 as i, and i'm sure most others have experienced it and it's not good. (the pig thing happened )

This is so true, Level 4 is a scary place in my time there I have destroyed a toilet bowl, killed a budgie (Accident went flying into the cage) , pissed all over myself, jumped off a shed , slept on top of a car , fallen down a stair case...I could go on...the rest of the time I just enjoy it level 3 is the one to be at AVOID 4.

LaVidaLoca

Just becuase that kind of behaviour is considered normal in Ireland does not make it alright.

In most other countries in the world this stuff would be considered far beyond the pale of acceptable behaviour.

It's only us that shrug off stuff like this by saying "Ha ha he's a legend!"

Tell him you're not happy with it, you have every right to.

Secondly, drunkeness is not an excuse for cheating on your girlfriend. Though it sounds as if Mr Floppy Trousers wont be getting much of a chance to do that anyways.

RedXIV

LaVidaLoca wrote: »

Just becuase that kind of behaviour is considered normal in Ireland does not make it alright.

In most other countries in the world this stuff would be considered far beyond the pale of acceptable behaviour.

It's only us that shrug off stuff like this by saying "Ha ha he's a legend!"

We're not in other countries, we're in IRELAND. People are constantly talking about the need to observe other people's customs in different countries, even if we don't approve. Watch the discovery channel and watch how people are treated. The fact that the irish are pretty much forgiven for getting overly drunk is universal. I'm sure in contrast to other countries, you might disapprove but then you should move to one of these "acceptable" countries.

But you'll have to remember that, and i've done a good bit of travelling in my young years, NOWHERE has a general population who are as easy going and helpful and friendly than the irish. A bit of drunkeness is an acceptable trade in my opinion for that kind of reputation

LaVidaLoca

But Ireland has a major alcohol problem not just a "bit of drunkeness", and its about time we stopped saying "Ah sure we're grand".

We're not grand at all.

RedXIV

AHA! got ya now! it has recently been said on the magic box (tv) that England actually has a worse one!

Ireland is NOT the worst place to go drinking. everyone knows about the likes of Ibiza and Crete where all you CAN do is drink. We're not actually as bad as media makes us out to be.

JavaBear

Ah we're grand really though

LaVidaLoca

Just because England also has an alcohol problem doesnt mean that we dont.

Ibiza and Crete are holiday Islands full of British/Irish/German people on holiday, they hardly reflect the mainstream of Spanish or Greek culture now do they?

We are as bad as the media makes us out to be. If you'd stay sober for 5 minutes you'd see that plainly. Dublin on a Saturday night is like a scene from Dawn of the Dead.

Anyways Ill probably get booted for being off topic.

Suffice it to say OP that your boyfriend may have a drinking problem and you might wanna talk to him about it.

buckfast4me

I think your nagging will drive him away OP.

LegacyUser

buckfast4me wrote: »

I think your nagging will drive him away OP.

What nagging exactly ??? Maybe try reading the thread before posting .

LegacyUser

Hi Mods

I posted a reply earlier just wondering if its gonna get posted or did i say something wrong in it ? It was a few hours ago ...

NoQuarter

LaVidaLoca wrote: »

Suffice it to say OP that your boyfriend may have a drinking problem and you might wanna talk to him about it.

bahahaha, get....a.....grip!

drinkin problem because you go get hammered with your mates, someone call a taxi for the PC brigade!


LONG LIVE DRUNKEN LEVEL 4!!!!

Marksie

ohlord123 wrote: »

Hi Mods

I posted a reply earlier just wondering if its gonna get posted or did i say something wrong in it ? It was a few hours ago ...

Sometimes the mods are busy..real life and all.

Overheal

Marksie wrote: »

Sometimes the mods are busy..real life and all.

Pfft. You should know better :pac:

His insecurities or mine ?
He has never ever done anything like it since but my father cheated on my mother their entire marriage and eventually walked out on us and although ive never ever had a boyfriend cheat on me it always still at the back of my mind...

Try not to hold your father's actions against your boyfriend's.

stackerman

ohlord123 wrote: »

I worry cause years ago we were fighting on a night out and he started hugging this girl to get at me and then just didnt remember a thing about it the next day ..

What a plonker !! He's childish, not knowing when to stop drinking and acting like above, Get rid !

Toots

helimachoptor wrote: »

To quote... Nail, Hammer,Head,

When out with the Gf I have a few beers and a bit of craic but i'm always well behaved because i feel i have to be, maybe thats weird...

Out with the lads and there's been times when I haven't been able to get out of bed for 2 days afterwards

That's fair enough if he's going out, getting ossified and then going home to his own/a partner in crime's house, but if he's coming home to the OP in a complete state then this is not cool and I can totally see why she's angry. I mean sleeping in the bed with your OH and the next thing he pisses himself and she's supposed to justify that with 'ah well he was out having a laugh with the lads???' :eek:

If he's still living at home or in his own place, then she should probably just leave him to it if she's not having to look after him and deal with his mess. But if they live together then this is not on! I've never come home to my BF like that, and never would. There were one or two nights after we moved in together when he came home so drunk I had to hold his hair while he puked for the night, but seriously he paid for it the next day and he knows he'd be taking his life in his hands doing it again However if I'm not there and as long as he doesn't hurt himself or break anything I don't mind. I don't think the issue here is about the OP nagging her BF, but he should at least have the self control and respect for her not to get so off his face if he's coming home to her, cos then she's got to deal with it!

DD

ohlord123 wrote: »

But when he goes out with his mates he comes home an absolute mess, so drunk he talks to himself, sometimes wets the bed and the next day never remembers not much/any from the night before

Jesus, how can u share the bed with him after the drinks? Is he doing it a lot?
I would leave right away this type of p*g, what's wrong with the people lately, why can't they have only few drinks.......it' beyond my understanding

AARRRGH

Get this image blown up poster size and put it on the wall -

http://www.hivandhepatitis.com/2006icr/ddw/images/cirrhosis-liver.jpg

He'll cut back on the booze.

King of Kings

LaVidaLoca wrote: »

Just becuase that kind of behaviour is considered normal in Ireland does not make it alright.

In most other countries in the world this stuff would be considered far beyond the pale of acceptable behaviour.

my god - you'd drive a person to drink with you moral high horse.
go join the green party and leave us in peace.


BTW - what countries? There is this notion that ireland and the Uk is a haven of drunken debauchery (they are ) unique to the globe. most places I've travelled have had similar "lets get wasted attitude" - with the exception of france and spain I've a tough time thinking of another country that doesn't over indulge.

and you're comment:

LaVidaLoca wrote: »

Suffice it to say OP that your boyfriend may have a drinking problem and you might wanna talk to him about it.

talk about over reaction.

I'm going to ask the mods to take away your boards name cos it's obviously a mistake.

AARRRGH

^-- I think it's fair to say if you are getting so drunk you regularly piss yourself and can't remember things, you've got a problem. Certainly his drinking is affecting his life and those around him. Not good.

NoQuarter

dublindude wrote: »

^-- I think it's fair to say if you are getting so drunk you regularly piss yourself and can't remember things, you've got a problem. Certainly his drinking is affecting his life and those around him. Not good.

yeah a bladder problem and a memory problem, not a drinking problem!


nobody is condoning pissin in the bed, were trying to say that just because he cant remember the night before doesnt mean he's off cheating!

DIRTY69

ohlord123 wrote: »

My boyfriend and i go out all the time , we enjoy our nights out .. thats all good. But when he goes out with his mates he comes home an absolute mess , so drunk he talks to himself , sometimes wets the bed and the next day never remembers not much/any from the night before ... I cant help wondering what if some girl came over and tried to kiss him and he cant remember that it ever happened ...I no i come across insecure but i cant help it. does anyone else share the same situation and how do you deal with it ?

My girlfriend drinks too much... maybe we should hook them up, and I'll take you out for a coffee sometime!? Seriously, ya I have had to deal with this myself. Very irrational behaviour. Might be in the pub watching the match, both of us, and she would get 2-3 drinks while I finish 1.... I mean I'm not the fastest drinker in the west but still! A lot of arguements, crazy behaviour, tears, anger ......I guess at the end of the day, my advice would be that there could be an underlying reason. Hopefully there is one which ye both can understand and discuss. Try and understand each other better then maybe you'll know why he gets so drunk.

LaVidaLoca

BTW - what countries? There is this notion that ireland and the Uk is a haven of drunken debauchery (they are ) unique to the globe. most places I've travelled have had similar "lets get wasted attitude"

Thats right, dear. Denial will work every time. Did it ever occur to you that this 'notion' as you describe it, might be so common because its actually, um, true?

You obviously haven't travelled anywhere outside a little bubble of Irish pubs scattered across the continent. Most everybody but the Russians, some parts of the former Eastern Bloc and some of the Germans drinks less than we do. Get used to it.

And to the poster who suggest I join the Green Party. I dont have to, even Fianna Fail admits we have a drink problem. Thats why they're passing an (ill-advised) bill to try and deal with it.

We are far ahead in our drinking of every European country. Dont beleive me, check this out:

http://www.finfacts.ie/irelandbusinessnews/publish/article_10006077.shtml

and outside Europe probably only Russia drinks more or equal to us. Im not sure if were the world's drunkest country, but we are certainly up there. And denial is no way to deal with it.

LegacyUser

Are we talking about countries here or what i actually posted about ???
He doesnt go out with his mates that often in 4 years he has wet the bed maybe 5 times.
What i was basically asking for was if any one else had a partner who went out on the lash and generally woke up not remembering the night before and if i had anything really to worry about about these lads nights out?
I dont think i remember asking if Ireland is a drink abusive country ......

Beruthiel

Get back on topic people!
B

LaVidaLoca

My fault. Was just cautioning you against posters who would apologise for his behaviour by saying he's just "havin' a laugh wid de lads"

It's possible he has a problem with booze, or it's possible he just gets smashed once in a while. But if he's regularly pissing the bed and has no idea where he's been (say once a week or every two weeks), it might be cause for concern.

Either way, being smashed is no excuse for acting like an ass. You have a right to be pissed off, and you should tell him so.