Don't love girlfriend, should we go on?

LegacyUser

Would apreciate some advice on this issue. Been going out with my current girlfriend for 2 years. I am 24 and she is 22. The problem is that I'm 100% sure I'm not in love with her. I never have been either. How do I know this? Because I have been in love with someone else before (another 2 year relationship when I was 17). She kinda knows I'm not in love with her though. It's one of those unspoken issues.

Anyway I know what you are all thinking - you have to break up with her man! But I'm just thinking. She is very attractive, intelligent and funny and we have lots of fun and some great times together, especially during the summer months. If we broke up there would just be boredom in the evenings/weekends (all of mine and most of hers friends are in serious relationships too).

The question I put to you is - is it so wrong to continue this? And if not why? There are no other problems in the relationship besides this (Yes I know it's a very serious one, but so long as she knows right?).

Thank you.

Wagon

Boredom isn't an excuse. You have to end this. Don't waste hers and your time.

Seraphina

staying in this relationship means missing many opportunities for both of you to find someone else you could fall in love with

Abi

SmmmmmmS wrote: »

Would apreciate some advice on this issue. Been going out with my current girlfriend for 2 years. I am 24 and she is 22. The problem is that I'm 100% sure I'm not in love with her..

^^ Here I was thinking, you are young and these things dont happen instantly. Especially when you were in love before. Stop comparing relationships, every one you have will be different. Dont expect every woman to be the same, or you've already set yourself up for failure.

SmmmmmmS wrote: »

we have lots of fun and some great times together, especially during the summer months. If we broke up there would just be boredom in the evenings/weekends (all of mine and most of hers friends are in serious relationships too). .

Then be her friend, not her boyf. You are unfairly mis-leading this girl into thinking that it must be working if you are with her. And that it could be any day that you realise you love her.

Let her down, gentley imo.

Maggie Simpson

I personally think there's no rule that says you HAVE to be in love with your boyf/girlf - particularly when you're a bit younger & not looking for a long-term relationship/commitment. I had several long-ish relationships in my 20s with people I wasn't in love with. But we still liked, respected and had fun with eachother. Being in love brings lots of expectations........

That said, if she is in love with you, then you might want to think about ending it so as not to hurt her.

Beruthiel

SmmmmmmS wrote: »

The problem is that I'm 100% sure I'm not in love with her.

Would any of us want to be with someone who doesn't love us?

Xavi6

Maggie Simpson wrote: »

I personally think there's no rule that says you HAVE to be in love with your boyf/girlf - particularly when you're a bit younger & not looking for a long-term relationship/commitment. I had several long-ish relationships in my 20s with people I wasn't in love with. But we still liked, respected and had fun with eachother. Being in love brings lots of expectations........

But sure then you're nothing more than friends with benefits. I wouldn't class that as a bf/gf relationship.

To answer the OP, from your description here...

But I'm just thinking. She is very attractive, intelligent and funny and we have lots of fun and some great times together, especially during the summer months. If we broke up there would just be boredom in the evenings/weekends (all of mine and most of hers friends are in serious relationships too).

...it sounds like your relationship is for convenience more so than anything else. Not healthy imo as eventually you will find someone you do love and it'll be harder to leave this girl. Do it sooner rather than later.

all the stars

SmmmmmmS wrote: »

The problem is that I'm 100% sure I'm not in love with her. I never have been either.

Thats terraible - but now you acknowledge it, you do something about it. Unfair to all involved to waste your time and energy on something that will be completely fruitless

SmmmmmmS wrote: »

She is very attractive, intelligent and funny and we have lots of fun and some great times together, especially during the summer months. If we broke up there would just be boredom in the evenings/weekends (all of mine and most of hers friends are in serious relationships too).

Truthfully, thats just bad - get a puppy. A person is not there to alleviate your boredom - thats just selfish. Get a dog or a hobby

SmmmmmmS wrote: »

The question I put to you is - is it so wrong to continue this? And if not why? There are no other problems in the relationship besides this (Yes I know it's a very serious one, but so long as she knows right?).

Thank you.

Besides the fact, you dont love this girl and never did, she is nice to look at and fills the time in your day - well thats nice isn't it?
Clearly the fact that this is completely inconsiderate of her feelings, and is to be honest probably killing her confidence as a person that she isn't worth loving or to be treated like a lady- you dont mention that at all..

So stop bein so selfish - be considerate of what she deserves as a woman & human being. And let her go enjoy a life where she is loved and respected as a woman,


Also, sorry if thats just callin spade a spade - but then if your are single you are making yourself emotionally available to the person who you may love very much and want to be with for the right reasons.. To continue would just be unfair to you both.

colly10

Thats bad form, your with her 2 years. Dump her now, your going to do it sooner or later so the longer you leave it the more difficult it will be for her to take, staying with her is just being selfish

Ickle Magoo

Why would you want to settle for a mediocre relationship?

If you can have everything you want in a woman & have the marvelous feeling of being head over heels why would you settle for anything less? There is nothing wrong with being friend & f-buddy if you both know that's all you are to each other.

chuci

stop wasting your time and hers. cop on if the situation was reversed think you would appreciate her going out with you because ye had fun together and you were good looking.cop on and be fair to your girlfriend.

Blisterman

I have to say I disagree, with the previous posters.
If you're both happy, what's the problem?
It's not like you're going to be looking to get married at 22 and 24.

colly10

Blisterman wrote: »

If you're both happy, what's the problem?

Because he is going to have to dump her at some stage, the longer he leaves it the harder on her its going to be. I've been in his situation, I would have prefered to continue the relationship but I dumped her cause it wasn't fair on her.

Blisterman

What I Meant was, she's 22, she hardly thinks they're going to be together the rest of their lives. Most likely, things would change eventually, and they wouldn't be happy together anymore.
But if they're both happy now, I don't see a problem. Why break up?

buckfast4me

I think if his gf knew his intentions and she was alright with that then theres no problem. If she doesn't know its not really fair on her.

Captain Darling

Dont become a moral tale. Think this through to its very last. Dont make this decision and then discover that you really wanted to be with her all along!!!! This happened to me.

I'd be very dubious about this 'love' thing, dont throw something away which sounds fairly decent because you want a romance novel relationship.

This ideal seems very far from reality when you are sitting at home on the hand pump! Think man, think!

chuci

op if you know your girlfriend doesnt expect this to be a forever thing then maybe explain your feelings to her?she might be cool about it?

Chinafoot

Personally I wouldn't want to be with someone who's reason for staying with me is that he'd be bored at the weekend otherwise.

However, you said this is an unspoken issue in your relationship. You need to talk to her about it. Is she in love with you? If she is, is she happy to stay with you knowing you don't feel the same?

If you don't love her yet want to stay with her out of convenience, what happens when you meet someone that you do fall for? Depending on how your girlfriend feels, she could quite possibly get very hurt.

You need to try to see things from her perspective. Also I would have to disagree with Blisterman when he said "she's 22, she hardly thinks they're going to be together the rest of their lives." If she's in love with him she most likely does think it's forever. That's what being in love feels like.

OP, have a talk with your girlfriend. It's only fair to let her have a say in what happens here.

spinandscribble

maybe she doesnt love you either? did you assume she does? if you both dont love eachother then fine be together but if she does love you, dump her. she deserves someone who doesnt just see her as a boredom filler.

Redpunto

I dont think being bored in the evenings and weekends is a reason to stick with someone, for both your futures break up with her. That break up will bring with it opportunities for both her and you.

all the stars

Blisterman wrote: »

But if they're both happy now, I don't see a problem. Why break up?

She don't know that he's just passing time with her coz its easier to stay with her than get a life... also, im equally glad im not your other half if you think this is ok -

MissHoneyBun

I think what you're doing is very cruel.
Honesty and respect are essential in any relationship.
You have neither

muboop1

does she love you?
if so then its unfair...
you arent giving her what she deserves...
everyone deserves somebody who loves them...
even you! yes its comfortable, but u are ruining the possibility of something better for both of yous...
just my opinion...

Mazeire

OP what you are doing is very unfair and cruel. It may be easier for you to think that she sees no long term future in it but no one spends two years of their life invested in something without seeing some sort of future in it.
If you like her and respect her as mucg as you say then why would you want to see her being forced to live a lie?
TBH I think you know she could have someone else in a heartbeat and your pride can't take that. If you are bored in the evenings find a hobby. Stop f**king this girl over because your are too lazy and/or insecure to get a life for yourself.

Quirkyduck

Ok...I have just been dumped, nearly two months now...we had been going out a year and a half and were soo inlove, then suddenly he changed his mind...Im hoping its the LC!! But anyway on to you...please stay true to yourself, DONT!!!! Tell her you never loved her but also dont give her anyhope either, explain the suitation and if your heart lies with this other girl...put it this way I'd love to think my love will come back to me!! There's also no point and leading her on, there's going to be someone who loves her more out there too yano?? Just let her down gently. The only other piece of advice I can give you is to tell her now and ty wotk on it together, thats something I would have loved to have done....

DD

SmmmmmmS wrote: »

Would apreciate some advice on this issue. Been going out with my current girlfriend for 2 years. I am 24 and she is 22. The problem is that I'm 100% sure I'm not in love with her.
The question I put to you is - is it so wrong to continue this? And if not why?
Thank you.

I guess you answered yourself ...read it better