Clausterphobia

nudge

Hi
This sounds funny even to me but the story is this. About two months ago I got a throat infection and ended up out of work for two weeks, then when I tried to go to back to work in Dublin (I commute on the train everyday from Kildare), I wasn't able to. I just couldn't get back on the train. Everyday the train would pull in and I would try to get on it but get immediately stuck to the spot with fear. It was completely irrational. The trains are normally so packed I have fainted or near fainted loads of times on the way to work or on the way home. I went back to the doctor really disgusted with myself for not being able to get on the train and it's some form of mental exhaustion or something. Felt really embarassed telling him about it out loud. He gave me some tranquilisers to calm me down. I was even waking up completely panicked in my sleep. This fear just came completely without warning from no-where, I even started getting afraid to go outside my own front door.
The upshot of it is that I have had to give up my very good job in Dublin after embarassingly discussing the situation with my boss. I even thought I was a nut job listening to myself. Luckily he was very understanding. I even had to stay with a relative in Dublin to finish out my months notice.

Now I am sitting at home with a big mortgage at 29, no job and a boyfriend who is working like a crazy person to support us. I just can't believe what has happened in the last two months, where this fear suddenly came from. I had a really good, high paid job and I am so annoyed with myself that I couldn't just pull myself together and get over it. I'm not really sure what to do with myself now. Anyone being through a similar thing? I am having Hypnosis to try and get over it. Thanks for listening, just needed to say it out loud to someone.

Marksie

We have a phobia forum here OP..i will transfer you.

watna

Hi OP. I'm really sorry to hear you've been having such a hard time.

Just remember, you're not a nut job. It really is more common than you think.

There's a sticky at the top of the page with some helpful links to hypnotherapy/psychotherapy. I suggest you look these up and maybe see if anything there can help you.

You don't have to suffer alone. It really sounds like you want to get it sorted out and I think this is the first step.

Is your bf being supportive? I know you say he's working to pay your mortgage. I think it helps a lot to have understanding people around you.

I know it's hard and you just want to tell yourself to get over it, but unfortunately is doesn't really work thay way.

nudge

Hi
Thanks for your reply. My boyfriend is being very supportive but money is very tight now so it's hard to know what the future will hold. Just feel quite alone at the moment with no job and no social interaction now, just me and my little doggie while my boyfriend works. I know some people will think that I have nothing to complain about but I feel I'm in a scary sort of place at the moment.
Thanks

LadyJ

Hi OP,

You remind me of myself. Sometimes I feel like I just don't know what happened to me. Life used to be easy and exciting and then suddenly, everywhere I turned, there would be a new surprise phobia for me to deal with; fear of flying, fear of crowds, fear of people staring at me, fear of walking down the street, fear of my own bloody shadow practically. All of these things just hit me out of the blue and yes, maybe subconsciously there were triggers but it's hard to pin down exactly what they were.

Anyway, I used to be a complete bag of nerves for a long time. So I went to therapy and tried to work through some of my thoughts and some of my fears. It was very hard at first and I felt extremely vulnerable, in fact, I became so in touch with my emotions that for a while I was an even bigger bag of nerves but that passed and now I'm not so bad anymore.

OP, I actually left my degree in UCD because the lecture theatres and the hundreds of people in them were just too much for me to deal with. I've never really admitted that before but it was a pretty huge factor in my decision to leave.

The problem is that a lot of people, myself included for a while, find phobias extremely humiliating. We hate to admit that something normal scares the bejesus out of us. Well, I say fcuk that! Life is scary. I am done apologising for my fears. People may think I'm a total nut job but I have come a long way. I can stand up in front of an audience and sing my way through a whole gig these days and that's a big fcuking step for me. I got on a plane a few weeks ago (something I swore I'd never do again) and I have plenty more flights to take in the next few months and that is huge. Plus I can walk down the street and be glad that people are staring at me because I'm hot as sh!t!

This kind of thing happens to a lot of people. It really does. In fact most people try to hide it because they are afraid of looking crazy so they live with these terrible fears and suffer in silence just to save face. Their lives must be hell. Once you can say that you are afraid of something then you can start to deal with it. Do it in your own time though and don't let anyone rush you. It isn't easy. Far from it. But honest to God, if I can get on a plane then we're all saved. If I can do that then I can do anything and so can you, trust me.

Hypnosis may or may not work for you but don't give up. See a therapist and get to know yourself better. Learn about your fears and then learn how to deal with them. It's hard work but it pays off.

Best of luck.

mickrourke

nudge wrote: »

Hi
Thanks for your reply. My boyfriend is being very supportive but money is very tight now so it's hard to know what the future will hold. Just feel quite alone at the moment with no job and no social interaction now, just me and my little doggie while my boyfriend works. I know some people will think that I have nothing to complain about but I feel I'm in a scary sort of place at the moment.
Thanks

It's really crap when panic attacks start taking over your life, I know. I pm'd you on this, but what you are really afraid of is the panic attack and not claustrophobia. I know it may be hard to understand but you never had a problem on a crowded train until a few months ago when you had a panic attack and because of that you associate crowded trains with the panic attack and that feeling is so bad you have avoided them ever since. A natural resonse but the problem with panic attacks is that they tend not to confine themselves to one situation, such as being on a train, but start to link to any situation where you feel trapped or where you cannot get out of without causing a scene (such as in a lift, meeting, car) and this will raise your anxiety to the level that you could (or do) have a panic attack again and all of a sudden you start to avoid all those places not just crowded trains. It just takes over your life and all your decisions suddenly become very difficult, such as going for a drink with friends in a crowded pub.

The thing is, and you said it yourself, it is completely irrational. For example, how many people have died as a result of over-crowding on a train in Ireland or wherever? None probably. Faint yes, die, I don't think so.

Anyway, read those links carefully that LadyJ posted and it should help you. Any questions just ask or PM me.

MysticalSoul

Hi Nudge, I too can relate. I have never liked crowds, but has become increasingly difficult over the past couple of years. I have become a lot better at putting myself in uncomfortable situations. I get the DART to and from work, and if there are no seats, I need to be near the door, as otherwise I feel panicky. Also crowded shops, if I get a sense that I am being boxed in I need to get out. Upstairs in HMV on Grafton Street on a Saturday afternoon is highly anxiety provoking for me. I find certain things have helped me - if my blood sugars are low, I am more likely to feel a sense of needing to escape; if I am tired, feeling vulnerable, the same applies. Now I am able to put myself in uncomfortable situations, and don't feel the sense of needing to get out as often - maybe once every couple of months. I have become aware of how my body physically responds. Have you heard of the fight or flight response? It is where if you feel threatened you either retreat or go in head on to tackle it.

MollynOlly

Guys,
I was reading all your posts, really reassuring to hear people with similar issues, mine are panic attacks too. I haven't been really bad in three years, which I am delighted with myself about, but I recognise some of the symptoms and fears you guys have. At my worst, I too was very irrational. AT the time, I had just left a job, and it just came over me on a holiday. I was 'encouraged' to move on, from the job, so i resigned, but it was stressfull at the time, and i suppose i took it badly and the panic attacks were the outcome. I honestly believe that its stress that triggers these physical/mental attacks, of feeling out of your depth, and internalising your stress. Recently i have been having a stressfull time in my job, and I am starting to have all these symptoms, 3 years on. I was paranoid and nervous and jumpy, and just feelings i havent had in years. i Have left the job and as soon as i did, i havent had a symptom at all. I didnt realise it , but i do think its related. Sometimes we don't know what our issue is, i was plodding along thinking, ah yeah im happy in this job, when i wasnt and it showed in my symptoms..
I would like to pursue the cognitive behavioural therapy thing to re-learn how to deal with things if i get like this again, but i honestly believe that your body responds to stress.

Also i have to agree, if my blood sugar is low i am jumpy too and nervous.