Difficult colleagues

leadh

I'm hoping that some of you out there will have some thoughts on a situation I found myself in today. I began a new job a couple of months ago. There is a large workforce and therefore there are some people I have gotten to know better than others. Today I was sitting beside a girl I have had a good few chats with and another whom I have only spoken to two or three times. For ease of telling the story I will call the first Marie and the second Kate. Kate told Marie about a social event happening on Saturday that she is involved in organising. Marie replied that she would love to go and that 'I must get your number, sure I could pick you up on my way in'. (They live relatively close to one another). They proceeded to discuss what they would be doing and how it would be a laugh. Then Kate spoke across me to call another girl and invite her along also. Marie then left as her break was finished. Kate continued to speak loudly to the other girl who was unsure about coming and tried to convince her to come. I just sat there feeling invisible.

I know that all of this sounds very juvenile but it has really upset me. I cannot think what I have done for this woman to so blatantly exclude me. I previously got a bad vibe from her when I met her first thing in the morning but I naturally assumed that she was just not a morning person or had personal reasons for being dismissive of me. As it happens I will not be around this weekend and would not be able to go. What upsets me is that I feel like I'm about twelve and I'm being excluded by the playground bullies. It is important to me to get on with colleagues and I was under the impression that Marie and I were not exactly friends but friendly. Of course I know that I'm overthinking this but.......arrrrrrgggghhh! There are plenty of genuine people where I work and I will just have to get over it. Just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to do this. I plan on smiling and saying hello when I see her next but I will definitely avoid sitting near her again. Any thoughts folks?!

Sorry for the rant!
Leadh

MIN2511

Join the club, you work with them. Don't take it personal!
Where i work we go out on a friday and everyone is very social but come monday morning they pretend they never had a discussion with you...
It's sad and i hurts but really there isn't much anyone can do about it


SORRY

Keano

leadh wrote: »

I'm hoping that some of you out there will have some thoughts on a situation I found myself in today. I began a new job a couple of months ago. There is a large workforce and therefore there are some people I have gotten to know better than others. Today I was sitting beside a girl I have had a good few chats with and another whom I have only spoken to two or three times. For ease of telling the story I will call the first Marie and the second Kate. Kate told Marie about a social event happening on Saturday that she is involved in organising. Marie replied that she would love to go and that 'I must get your number, sure I could pick you up on my way in'. (They live relatively close to one another). They proceeded to discuss what they would be doing and how it would be a laugh. Then Kate spoke across me to call another girl and invite her along also. Marie then left as her break was finished. Kate continued to speak loudly to the other girl who was unsure about coming and tried to convince her to come. I just sat there feeling invisible.

I know that all of this sounds very juvenile but it has really upset me. I cannot think what I have done for this woman to so blatantly exclude me. I previously got a bad vibe from her when I met her first thing in the morning but I naturally assumed that she was just not a morning person or had personal reasons for being dismissive of me. As it happens I will not be around this weekend and would not be able to go. What upsets me is that I feel like I'm about twelve and I'm being excluded by the playground bullies. It is important to me to get on with colleagues and I was under the impression that Marie and I were not exactly friends but friendly. Of course I know that I'm overthinking this but.......arrrrrrgggghhh! There are plenty of genuine people where I work and I will just have to get over it. Just wondering if anyone has any advice on how to do this. I plan on smiling and saying hello when I see her next but I will definitely avoid sitting near her again. Any thoughts folks?!

Sorry for the rant!
Leadh

The one part of you post that stands out is that she speaking loudly to a colleague - this implies she loves to be heard and loves the sound of her own voice! Forget about her...

seamus

Without much more info, it may be something that's not organised through work, so if this girl doesn't know you she may not feel comfortable inviting you along. She probably knows the other two girls very well and so is happy to invite them, but if you've never gotten to know her, then she may just feel weird inviting you.

I know plenty of people who'll invite all and sundry to any party, but plenty of other people like to keep it "friends only". I don't think it's a blatant attempt to exclude you, it's just incidental that she considers your co-workers to be her friends.

leeroybrown

I can't really see a problem to be honest. Learn to live it. Why should your new co-workers have to go to go behind your back to make their plans to avoid upsetting you?

Coffea

I was in a similar situation a few years ago.

I used to work in an office with three women in their mid-20s and they used to constantly organise nights out and go for lunches together without ever making any effort to include me. In fact, it was VERY obvious that I wasn't welcome to join them!

The three of them regularly used to start laughing for no apparent reason. I presume that this was because they were sending jokes to each other by email and discussing the latest office gossip or their plans for nights out etc.

At that time, I had just moved to a new area and was living on my own so the only daily social interaction I had was with those three little b*tch*s! Fun, fun!

Of course, these people weren't obliged to be nice to me just because we worked together but they were going out of their way to make me feel excluded. They wouldn't even speak to me unless it was work related. They wouldn't even say hello or goodbye to me..

I don't really know what my point is.. I just wanted you to know that the same thing happens to other people and it's not just you.

If I were you I would come into work next week with some eleborate stories about your weekend and all the fun you had. Ask your colleague how her party/social event went and then tell her about your wonderful weekend. That's what I would do anyway just to wind her up and show that you weren't bothered about not going along to whatever 'do' she didn't invite you to.:)

Seriously, don't worry about her.. she's not worth it and at the end of the day she's only a work colleague.