Awkward situation with old friend

LegacyUser · 17-04-2008 9:33am #1

I have an awkward situation I could really do with some guidance on. The other night a group of us went out, a friend visiting from abroad, her friend from Cork and a very old friend of mine (lets call him John for simplicity's sake). We had a great night and ended up back at my place listening to sounds etc. I had a lot in common with the guy up from Cork and we ended up chatting a lot. There was nothing in it, just interesting conversation.

John had drank a fair bit and was quite drunk. He became quite jealous of me having conversation with this guy and was making snide remarks etc. At the end of the evening when everyone was going to bed, i gave John a sleeping bag and offered him the sofa. He became very arsy and said that if he couldn't sleep in bed beside me he was going home. Needless to say he walked home that night.

John has been a good friend of mine for almost twenty years and I have never had an inkling that there was anything more than friendship. I feel very awkward and I know I have to talk to him. The thing is I really don't know how to approach this. Any advice welcome. Thanks in advance

Beruthiel · 17-04-2008 10:02am

If it were me, I'd just ask him what was wrong with him the other night. He seemed a bit 'off'.
See what he says to that and proceed from there.

LegacyUser · 17-04-2008 10:58am

Beruthiel wrote: »

If it were me, I'd just ask him what was wrong with him the other night. He seemed a bit 'off'.
See what he says to that and proceed from there.

Thanks for your advice but my problem would be how to"proceed from there".

LadyE · 17-04-2008 11:20am

Do you think he may have a "thing for you" - he may have wanted to sleep in your bed so that no-one else can?

Deffo ask him, it will eat you until you do. Ask him why he behaved liek that?

Weidii · 17-04-2008 12:09pm

Talk to him.

Let him know that you're not into him in that way (I'm presuming you're not) but that you want to be friends with him. Let him know that that sort of behaviour is not on.

Wagon · 17-04-2008 12:16pm

It's unlikely he would develop feelings for you after 20 years of friendship... He may have just wanted to sleep somewhere comfortable, and you talking to your man was pissing him off cos he thought it would take away somewhere nice to sleep. Drink makes people stupid, I've demonstrated plenty of idiocracy while on the batter. Just have a word with him. Best you can do really

Tar.Aldarion · 17-04-2008 2:05pm

Sounds like he likey you...

LegacyUser · 17-04-2008 4:44pm

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

Sounds like he likey you...

Thats whats stressing me!

Overheal · 17-04-2008 6:03pm

Wagon wrote: »

It's unlikely he would develop feelings for you after 20 years of friendship... He may have just wanted to sleep somewhere comfortable, and you talking to your man was pissing him off cos he thought it would take away somewhere nice to sleep. Drink makes people stupid, I've demonstrated plenty of idiocracy while on the batter. Just have a word with him. Best you can do really

Drink reveals stupid people.

So this other guy (can we call him Steve for simplicity) that you were having the conversation with: where does he fit in? Did he leave that night as well?

Its possible he has always harbored a bit of a liking to you, it may just have came out that night for whatever reason. All you can do is ask him to clarify his feelings. If not, then shelf it. If he only brought it up after 20 years and some drinks then I somehow doubt its very serious.

Tar.Aldarion · 17-04-2008 8:10pm

worriedperson wrote: »

Thats whats stressing me!

Sucks if he does and if he does there is nothing either of you can do about it so no point stressing.

Faith · 17-04-2008 8:15pm

To be honest, I didn't get anything from your post to suggest that John is attracted to you. I've shared beds with loads of my male mates, and I've known them a hell of a lot less than 20 years. Why shouldn't he share your bed assuming A) it's a double or bigger, and

there wasn't already someone else in there with you? If you've been friends for that long, you must be really close. I wouldn't see anything sexual there.

Secondly, maybe John just wanted to chat to you and got annoyed that you chose this other guy over him?

I think you're taking a huge leap when there's no need, tbh. I'd just ask him why he was in such a bad mood the other night.

Abi · 17-04-2008 8:34pm

I think what has happened here is, this guy has always had a thing for you. In the past, Id say he was probably afraid to say anything about it to you in case he risked your friendship. I also think that he has been holding onto this for so long that after a few too many, and watching you in action, getting on like a house on fire with someone else - then the green-eyed monster decided to rear its ugly head. Id say hes mortally embaressed about it. But because there has been no reciprocation of feelings, hes going to put it down to drink and not reveal his true feelings if you dont ask about this in the right way. Its a defence-mechanism to avoid exposing his true feelings and getting hurt.

If you want to hold onto the friendship, approach with care. Ar.se hole-ness aside, Id say hes licking his wounds now.

Overheal · 17-04-2008 8:56pm

Faith wrote: »

To be honest, I didn't get anything from your post to suggest that John is attracted to you. I've shared beds with loads of my male mates, and I've known them a hell of a lot less than 20 years. Why shouldn't he share your bed assuming A) it's a double or bigger, and there wasn't already someone else in there with you? If you've been friends for that long, you must be really close. I wouldn't see anything sexual there.

Would a lot of people consider that behavior normal? This issue threw me for a loop not too long ago so I'm just wondering

Maybe I just have some intimacy issues but the idea seems odd to me.

Anyway the way John supposedly passed the comment it didnt sound like that at all (personally)

Tar.Aldarion · 17-04-2008 9:55pm

It depends on the people as to whether it is normal. The last time I did that I woke up with my current girlfriend.

Apart from that I wouldn't have ever thought it odd.

The snide comments with how he acted does say he likes you to me, maybe he always did but his exterior is cracking. It always does when you drink, so if he was hiding it then the time it would come out is when he is drinking. Faith may very well be right but in my opinion he does like you just based on how I would and have acted. If I did what he did then yes I would be failing to hide from you that I liked you but other people may be different.

If he does like you be careful about keeping your friendship or you will lose a good friendship. I lost some and regret it now, I advise against it and doing anything rash.
You live, you learn.

Awkward situation with old friend

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