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Don't fit.

  • 16-04-2008 11:08pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I pretty much hate my life and I'm kinda through with it. I can't get any sort of a break when it comes with connecting to people, I don't feel like I'm of any consequence or make any sort of difference - basically I could die tomorrow and it wouldn't really matter. This can't be what life is for, just one day fading into another, endless, puctuated briefly by disappointment, sorrow, guilt. I can't stand it, and I can't stand to be by myself when it happens. The worst thing is I'm far too cowardly and perhaps inwardly hopeful to kill myself. I throw the idea around alot, you know, listen to songs about it but I couldn't ever do it. I'm pathetic in almost every regard. And I feel like a ****ing change already. I need a break, something to go right - and even know I'm coming across as an asshole, because I'm upper middle class and have never really been stuck for the pre-requisites for survival (and then some) - food, shelter, a bunch of ****-hot luxury consumables. I have a family too, I love my dad, he's a good man, and my brother, but it's getting so hard to exist here around them. I just don't ****ing fit. I feel like Ginsberg when he wrote 'America'. I've given you all, and now I'm nothing. I have no friends, and the people that come closest to being classed as friends I hate myself for sharing company with. I cannot dictate attachment on my terms - and why not? So many other people can. Why can't I be them? Why can't I have a beautiful life? Why am I a whiney ****, there are orphans starving and dying of AIDs every day whereas I can't work my suburban lifestyle into something resembling contentment. I ahte my life and what has become of it.


Comments

  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    You sound pretty angry.

    Why not start all over again?

    I know a yank who came to Ireland and changed everything about himself. In the US he was nerdy, shy, nervous, weedy. When he came to Ireland he recreated himself as the "cool" type who's really into the music scene etc. It worked out really well for him.

    I suggest you do the same. Move to Australia or somewhere like that and start over.

    In the meantime some therapy and being a bit nicer to yourself would go a long way.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 175 ✭✭Gemini Sister


    Yep. Agreeing with previous poster. You have a youth-related illness. Therefore it would be easy to say 'grow up'. However I'm not actually saying that. Try doing something first. Something that has nothing to do with suicide. Cause you, buddy are not suicidal. :D


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 175 ✭✭Gemini Sister


    However. In answer to your problem. GO TRAVELLING.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 175 ✭✭Gemini Sister


    But not australia. Its full of Irish.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 28,691 ✭✭✭✭drunkmonkey


    don't kill yourself....

    go get some dice....write down 12 things you want to do or be tomorrow.....roll the dice.....do what the dice says....surrender yourself to them....

    best of luck with your new random you.......


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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I'm not exactly young. People are dismissive though, it was wrong for me to expect something different here.


  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators Posts: 3,072 Mod ✭✭✭✭OpenYourEyes


    yeah, going travelling, or moving somewhere for a fresh start would both probably help in your quest for a fresh start alrite!


    Alternatively, might i suggest you get a job? this will allow you to get out, and maybe away from the people you dislike so much. it will also offer you the opportunity to meet new people who you might prefer to those you already know.Finally, you will have some hard earned money, which i know i used to always look forward to spending! a sense of satisfaction, and something to look forward to!

    also provide a platform for any travelling, whether short or long term, that you decide to do!


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 86,729 ✭✭✭✭Overheal


    HateMyLife wrote: »
    I pretty much hate my life and I'm kinda through with it. I can't get any sort of a break when it comes with connecting to people, I don't feel like I'm of any consequence or make any sort of difference - basically I could die tomorrow and it wouldn't really matter. This can't be what life is for, just one day fading into another, endless, puctuated briefly by disappointment, sorrow, guilt. I can't stand it, and I can't stand to be by myself when it happens. The worst thing is I'm far too cowardly and perhaps inwardly hopeful to kill myself. I throw the idea around alot, you know, listen to songs about it but I couldn't ever do it. I'm pathetic in almost every regard. And I feel like a ****ing change already. I need a break, something to go right - and even know I'm coming across as an asshole, because I'm upper middle class and have never really been stuck for the pre-requisites for survival (and then some) - food, shelter, a bunch of ****-hot luxury consumables. I have a family too, I love my dad, he's a good man, and my brother, but it's getting so hard to exist here around them. I just don't ****ing fit. I feel like Ginsberg when he wrote 'America'. I've given you all, and now I'm nothing. I have no friends, and the people that come closest to being classed as friends I hate myself for sharing company with. I cannot dictate attachment on my terms - and why not? So many other people can. Why can't I be them? Why can't I have a beautiful life? Why am I a whiney ****, there are orphans starving and dying of AIDs every day whereas I can't work my suburban lifestyle into something resembling contentment. I ahte my life and what has become of it.

    Personally, you don't sound ready to give up to me. You've got plenty of spunk and you have identified a lot of issues within yourself. Its a start ;)

    I felt similarly this time last year. I was sick of the way things were going for me; I was an ass-hat and had a superiority complex; hated the way I looked and for a while I just lived in the box that was my room; leaving only for Work and Tesco; purposely avoiding contact with anyone around me and taking to a lot of drink and smoke. Music was the order of the day, plus cheap TV re-runs and video games. I left a modelling scalpel at my computer desk... I never used it, but I did fight with the idea many times. It just never seemed worth it though.

    One day a week short of easter though I just got fed up of being fed up with my life; I got fed up with being in the box. So that night I gave it a complete wash down, tidied my appearance and got my things ready for the next day and I had the best sleep in months. When I woke up, I got out of bed, took a shower, put on some fresh clothes made myself a hot breakfast and I cleaned up after myself and I went in to class. I spent the last 2 months of the year catching up on the 3 months I went missing for and I passed the first time around: kicking the ass of 90% of the class that had been in the whole time (all of whom had to repeat in august :)).

    I imagine you're going through a similar process at the minute. One day soon you'll get up, be sick of it, and through action - be done with it. From then on you won't quite be the same person anymore: you'll be a much stronger character than that.

    Once you get yourself up out of the box you'll be better able to act on all the things you've identified as issues while you were in it. Just build up a bit of Escape Velocity and then you'll be ready to go in no time.

    If it doesn't fit: find new clothes. And if God gives you lemons... then you FIND A NEW GOD.

    Best of luck.

    BTW Dublindude isnt talking about me... I almost thought he was but then he started going on about 'cool' and 'music'... pfft.


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 12,382 ✭✭✭✭AARRRGH


    dontfit wrote: »
    I'm not exactly young. People are dismissive though, it was wrong for me to expect something different here.

    If I am understanding you correctly, you have just played the victim card.

    Although you may not feel it, you are still in control of your life and you still have the ability to do something great with your life.

    Would you consider getting therapy?

    What are you willing to do to get happy and move forward with your life?


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 991 ✭✭✭aye


    don't kill yourself....

    go get some dice....write down 12 things you want to do or be tomorrow.....roll the dice.....do what the dice says....surrender yourself to them....

    best of luck with your new random you.......

    yes the diceman is a good book, but i dont know if it's a good lifestyle choice.


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  • Closed Accounts Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭I am pie


    You need to take time off work asap. Go somewhere which will allow you to think clearly and be prepared to be very honest with yourself.

    Write down all the things your feeling, separate all things which you consider to be negative. Write down all the things you consider to be positive.

    First, work on all the things which you consider to be positive. Dont be nihilistic, there are some in there, no matter how small. Build on them ,work out how to increase contact/involvement/interest in these positives. Spend a good few days, don't limit yourself to whether it's possible or not.

    A few days later, compare some of the plans / ideas / schemes that you have come up with against your list of negatives. See how many have been eradicated. Plan to remove the remaining ones.

    Before you start this, spend a day or two chilling out. Doing nothing....let yourself unwind, you can't do this in an emotional mess.

    Time to man up. You have no excuses not to sort this out, you can and will.


  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,493 ✭✭✭RedXIV


    Sounds like you feel the need to accomplish something in your life. could be something simple, like getting a job you like or going on a short break. Or maybe you'd prefer something long term to keep your mind occupied? people are surely sick of me saying this but it's 100% true that martial arts changed my life, some of my closest friends are in the club i joined, i got back into shape, and i set my self a goal of getting a black belt which i was told would only take 4 years if i put my mind to it (6 years on, still not there :o). Join a club you think you could excell at, or even something you have an interest in. make something the highlight of your week. this is not a hard situation to get out of, it's just realising you can that's difficult


  • Closed Accounts Posts: 121 ✭✭Moss


    See a doctor. Tell him how your feeling. Its very likely you are suffering from depression.


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