Girlfriend's work putting strain on relationship

LegacyUser

Hey guys, going anonymous for this one.

Problem is basically this: My girlfriend works too much and is totally exploited by her employers. And she refuses to do anything about it.
Basically she started a new job about 6 months ago. She found out soon after that her workload is roughly double the workload of the girl she replaced. However, there are a number of 'floaters' on her floor, who are supposed to fill in wherever help is needed. The problem is that my gf will never ask for their help. She basically sits there hoping someone will volunteer to give her a dig out, which they hardly ever do. So, she ends up working 50 hours + every week.

One of her colleagues from a different section has told her that she needs to sort this out. A girl who used to work there, but now works with me has said that she needs to sort this out. Her boss has said, in front of me, that she needs to come see him to arrange for help. But she never follows this up, and refuses to ask for any help.

One of the problems is that she was headhunted for this job and is on much more money than the others. But they paid her for her experience and talent (she has both in spades), not for all the extra hours. She was told in her interview that it was 9.00 - 5.30 each day. She usually gets in before 8, skips lunch and doesn't leave until 6.00 or later. No-one else in there does this.

What's really bugging me is that she will routinely be late to meet me, or cancel plans altogether because of work. And yet, she won't do anything to try and improve the situation. It's not that she likes working the hours, she complains regularly, just never to the right people (HER BOSS!!!). Basically I am losing respect for her because, as I see it, she isn't standing up for herself at all.

Basically I love her to bits and hate to see her having the piss taken out of her.

Anyone got any advice for her. Or for me. (Should I just butt out and let her work all the hours in the week?)

barbiegirl

Get her a book on delegation and management. Otherwise she will lose her job as working like this was not what she was hired to do. If she cannot prove she can manage and delegate she will not go any higher.
As for you, just support her, personally 6pm to leave isn't bad. Does she complain when you work late?

AngryBadger

I think this is a catch-22 for you.

From what you've said it definitely seems that your gf is not really doing her job properly. She's obviously excellent at her work if she was head-hunted, but as has been said, if she doesn't get her time management/delegation skills under control she'll start missing deadlines, (if she isn't already) and no amount of experience will cover that.

If you haven't already spoken to her about this, (and I'd guess you have, or at least have tried to), then I'd suggest doing so now, and stress heavily that while she may feel she owes them extra hours, or is only doing what's expected make sure she understands that this method of labour is not going to work in the long-term. it may cause her problems in her job, and it may start to adversely effect her health.

To be hoenst, i find that generally all the talking in the world won't make a difference, she has to realise this for herself, and only the will she be ready to do anything about it.

I have to ask, if that many people (including her boss) have pointed this out to her, how has she not realised she needs to do something about it?

LegacyUser

The thing is, she realises that she needs to do something, she just seems afraid to do so. This is a long-standing thing with her. She is plenty assertive in her personal life, with friends, family, me etc. but she is completely different at work. She once said that she's 'scared of being found out', as though she doesn't really think she's good enough at what she does. This, even though 3 employers in the last 3 years have paid her well over the going rate for her job. And in each of these 3 companies, she has ended up working longer hours than anyone else. I don't really know what to do about this. Any time I bring it up we end up having a row. If she approaches management about getting help and is told no, that's one thing. At least she tried. But she has never approached them?
Is this something a counsellor/psychologist could help her with?

Sangre

Maybe she won't ask for help not because she is timid, shy or can't up for herself but because she is proud or stubborn?

Of course, that being said she is being silly.

Overheal

If she was headhunted for her experience it sounds to me like they expect her to delegate work to others; then if any of them has a problem with the assignment she can oversee it to find the trouble spots, help that person learn, and productivity in the whole office gets a major boost. Everyone gets good hours and all that good stuff.

As it is, while I'm sure shes capable, by not delegating the other office assets are going idle. I'm sure if she delegated some of her work she would still find enough to occupy herself with.

Thats why management wants to speak to her about this I feel. I think she needs to understand the benefits of delegation. Management passes down the workload to her because they expect her to distribute it logically.