Should I?

LegacyUser

Going unregistered for this..

Basically I hooked up with a girl not long ago who was about a month after coming out of a 3 year relationship. I knew her really well from before and we got on brilliant. So one night it just happened that we ended up with each other.

We talked after that (couple of days later) and she said that she had actually fancied me since we'd met but at the time she was going out with her then bf so nothing could happen between us. I was also the only guy she was with during their break-up whilst he was with a lot more people including her sworn enemy which she said would be most hurt by. And she said she'd like us to keep going. I agreed, I mean this girl is perfect, well in my eyes anyways!

So a couple of days passed and then she informed me that her and her bf were talking about giving it another go. She apologised profusely and said she was sorry that she messed me about and was nearly in tears because she actually did want to be with me but said that 3 years was a long time and that they had a lot of history. I said that she didn't need to apologise and that if it didn't work out I'd be here for her, whenever that may be.

Now here lies the problem. I actually can't get her out of my head. Really its been bugging me ever since. All I keep thinking is that maybe if I showed her that I was really strongly interested in a relationship with her that she wouldn't have gone back to him.

My mates have said to leave it alone and let it run its course, saying that they won't last long and that I'll look like a prick if I try get with her whilst she is in a relationship (with a guy we know - not a close friend but know him through knowing her. She's one of my best friends relatives.)

So the question is:
1) Should I leave it, not go near either of them (he knows that I was with her and isn't too happy) and wait and see what happens - but the longer it goes on the more likely they are to stay together.. yes I know, I sound like an utter prat for saying that.
2) Drop her a message sometime on bebo (considering I haven't seen her in a while - the flipside is that her bf will no doubt see this as me trying to move in)
3) Let her know what my feelings are.. (about 0.01% chance of me trying this)

Sephiroth_dude

Move on dude,dont wait around for her at all,could be some time before she comes back to you,then again she may never,so your better off moving on with your life and getting a new woman :-).

Otacon

What2Do97123 wrote: »

So the question is:
1) Should I leave it, not go near either of them (he knows that I was with her and isn't too happy) and wait and see what happens - but the longer it goes on the more likely they are to stay together.. yes I know, I sound like an utter prat for saying that.

They broke up initially for a reason. This reason may crop up again, you never know. Bide your time. Best advice I could give is not to wait for her. Go out and enjoy yourself. If/When something happens with them, wait for her to contact you and decide then what you want to do.

What2Do97123 wrote: »

2) Drop her a message sometime on bebo (considering I haven't seen her in a while - the flipside is that her bf will no doubt see this as me trying to move in)

Steer well clear. If anything, she may not appreciate it at all and it could cement their relationship.

What2Do97123 wrote: »

3) Let her know what my feelings are.. (about 0.01% chance of me trying this)

...About 0.01% chance of that working...

Wibbs

I have to agree with Sephiroth_dude. I reckon you caught her at a difficult time at a transitional point in her long termer. If she did dump him now, the chances are very high you would be rebound boy. She'll either go back to him or more likely when she gets it out of her system, go off with someone completely new.

Marksie

Nail on head Wibbs (I have been itching to say that).

There is' a lot of past history between her and her boyfriend. That has to be resolved.

Your best bet is to let go try to get her out of your head and let her move on. Don't hang on in the hopes she will come around.

You have your own life to live, but when you do meet someone and they say such things to you then its understandable that you think there is a lot more there.

She is in a seesaw state at the moment, you have got caught up in that as her emotions and energy are raw and have drawn you in.
Take a breath, and step back.

all the stars

have no regrets.

If that means telling her how you feel, tell her. Dont have it as another "if i had only.." or "i wish i had said"

Do whatever will allow you to move forward.

MIN2511

all the stars wrote: »

have no regrets.

If that means telling her how you feel, tell her. Dont have it as another "if i had only.." or "i wish i had said"

Do whatever will allow you to move forward.

I totally agree, what doesn't break you only makes you stronger.

So if you really want to, tell her how you feel and move on from there...It would kill you if its a No(but then you know) and it would kill you more for not knowing which is the situation you are in now...


All the best! You really like this girl... I hope it works in your favour

Wibbs

Telling her is being honest and I can see why it's good advice. If the answer is no, he knows where he stands, if the answer is yes, then it's can of worms time though. The only problem I would have with this tactic is that if the answer is "maybe". I suspect it will be too. Or "I'm confused". Translation? I'm hedging my bets and don't actually know what I want.

I think he should let her go and if she comes to him, fine, take it from there. If she's still attached to the ex guy though, then jolly japes ahoy and we're back to square one unless he's very lucky.

UnitedIrishman

Can't be bothered logging out so might aswell just post, I'm the OP..

I can see what ye are saying and I think you're right in that I should just leave the situation well alone for a while. I suppose if she actually does want to be with me then she'll decide that, but its up to her to decide - not for me to be meddling with. And I'll have to move on at the same time, I suppose I have in a sense in that I've been with others since but just keep thinking 'what if?' every now and again.

That said, I wish that I could at least have the craic with her again.. but I know that this probably won't be possible because her bf won't be able to trust me around her etc. Which I think is a bit OTT, because without being confident or anything, I think I'm fairly trustworthy in that sense - I'd never even contemplate going with someone if they're with someone because I know what thats like. Is that unreasonable?

Overheal

Get her out of your head and out of your life. Regardless of her feelings at the time she picked you to be her rebound/cheat.

You could tell her how you feel and get an answer from her, but it will never be as binary as yes/no. I think it'll only screw with your head further.

Drift

Honestly I think it is a bit unreasonable OP, because regardless of what craic you're having you would always be harbouring the desire to get her back which isn't fair on her or her boyfriend.

I'd let it go. Who knows what might happen in the future, but don't bank on anything happening. Move on with your life and leave her to hers for the time being.