Lack of Girly-Girl-Ness

LegacyUser

Hey all....

I am a 23 year old gal, and have been thinking recently about my personality and my attiude. The main reason that sparked this train of thought is that I am just after beginning a new job and I am having trouble fitting in with some of the females in work.

All my life I have tended to have way more male than female friends. I gel so much better with them. I understand their humour, and I have a completely random and cracked sense of humour (that is normally in the gutter tbh) that usually men only tend to get. I love the way they are straight down the line and how you always know where you stand. I feel most comfortable when I am with guys. I wouldn't consider myself a tomboy so to speak, I wear skirts and dresses and all the rest, take care in my appearance, have boyfriends, do my hair etc etc and still have certain womanly traits. Of course, I have female friends, maybe 1 or 2 good friends. Its just... girls in large groups (more than 2) tend to scare me.. Im not completely on their wavelength. I have gotten a bit of stick in the past for hanging out with guys so much in school, I think it was seen as flirting when it really wasn't.

The females of the team I now have to work with are REAL girly girls. I mean, the lunch talk consists of mainly men, clothes, desperate housewives, men, nail varnish, Gucci, men, highlights, clothes, jewellry, men... You see the general gist. I cannot connect with them at all. One Tuesday, when Desperate Housewives was late due to the FA Cup, they were all almost in tears, and when I said I was happy as larry watching the footie, they looked at me in complete shock, and said that was just weird. Thing is, I would feel MUCH more at home watching footie in a beer garden than at a fashion show, but this to them is alien. My specific role at work is a very technical one, dealing a lot with networking, and they cannot understand why I would have a role like that. Their concern was that I was 'hiding my pretty face behind a load of PCs where boys coudn't see me' ..... Jaysus.

Should I make more of an effort? While I would be numbed to death talking about blusher and fake eye lashes, I guess I should try? I think my problem is that they are starting to make me feel slightly self conscious that how I am is not normal....

Jack B. Badd

Are there any guys in your workplace or is it all women? I think I'd be having lunch with the lads if I had the choice tbh.

Nevyn

Whats 'normal' ?

Tbh that sounds like just about every work place I have been in, I too are a non girlie female who is tech qualified and tech minded.
Most women drive me nuts, those topics of conversations would have me yawning or imaginging thier heads exploding.

It does seem they are making the effort to get to know you and to include you which is nice of them. Why not make an effort but be yourself and don't fall for any silly girlie rules or games. It could be fun and tbh I find esp with such groups you are best of being at a distance but aware of what is going on so that you are not the target of daft bitchiness. It could be they will find you too strange and werid and will leave you alone after a while, if I were you that is what I would be praying for and encouraging to happen.

WindSock

I'm sure if you talk to any of them individually you could strike a common ground. You may even be surprised to find some might have a brain or a sense of humour.

Puddleduck

Why change to fit something that your not comfortable being??

Im the same, Ive worked in a mainly male dominated enviroment, I loved the job but when I mentioned it around girls it was 'why would you want to do that?' Ive also worked in offices with mostly women and I can honestly say the constant talk of tv, gossip, babies, men and generic other crap bored the hell out of me, I never pretended to be interested in it, Id listen and accepted thats who they were, Id accept the same from them, so should you. Still hate football though lol!

kowloon

some so called "girly talk" isn't really girly talk, fashion, celebrity and the like are obsessed about by fu<kwits of both genders.
It's sometimes better not to fit in when surrounded by the moronic.:pac:

BraziliaNZ

kowloon wrote: »

some so called "girly talk" isn't really girly talk, fashion, celebrity and the like are obsessed about by fu<kwits of both genders.

Women and homosexual men perhaps, I don't know or have ever met any heteros obsessed with fashion or celebrity, unless they're so far in the closet they're having adventures in Narnia...

Abi

OP, you are like a carbon copy of me. I've a quirky sense of humour too (not so much of the filth tho!) and felt awful when I was your age. Again same scenario, they always spoke about their image, husbands, tv. I sat there and said very little because I couldnt relate. Again, I made sure I was always presentable etc., but it wasnt the be-all and end-all for me. I just didnt get them at all, and that suppressed my own confidence.


Now I have been out of work for over 6yrs because I was having my kids.

Ive gone back to work now, and Im much more confident. Im still not OTT on the image front, I have my own style. I dont actually give a s.hit what they think of my hair, clothes, choice of TV programmes. If I have something to say or a one-liner, I say it loud and proud! Dont get me wrong, I dont go out of my way to rebel against the 'system'. I just dont particularly care. I think it shows, because they seem to pay a lot of attention to me. And I think it is because I dont seem to be reading off a script daily, like they do.

At the end of the day, it is just a job. Somewhere you go to earn your few bucks to pay for everything outside it.

Stop judging yourself, and under no circumstances do you allow any of them to freely judge you either.

Be yourself, dont adapt to their predictive conversations. Its women like us that have men saying: you are completely different, you make me laugh. my ex was so high-maintenance.

Confidence and less give-a-fcukage required here.

BaZmO*

Dudette... ish wrote: »

Should I make more of an effort?

No. Why should you? It's not as if you're a social outcast and you can't get on with people. You have plenty of friends and I'm sure you get on with other people in work so why kill yourself trying to get on with a certain crowd in work that you wouldn't hang around with outside of work?

I think sometimes people think that you have to get on with everybody, that's not the case. It's ok to not like or get on with another person. Just be yourself.

Marksie

Abigayle has given an excellent post and really sums it all up. In the end how long during the day do you interact with your colleagues for at work.

I presume you have alife outside so it doesnt impinge there.

It is that self confident, knowledge of you really are that comes through in abigayles post. OP: if you develop that awareness, that is all thats needed

ergonomics

Why should you try to be friendly with them? You are who you are (and who sound exactly like me tbh) so should not have to even consider changing who you are to fit in with these girls. Keep them as accquaintances but under no circumstances should you change who are.

John Mason

God damn Girlie Girls are the bane of my life. Don't change who you are just to fit in with them.

i would say 90% of the girls in my office hate me because i spend my life laughing that the shi.te they talk about make, hair etc. - they are most boring people i have ever met in my life.

Just be who you are and rejoice in the fact that you are not a ridiculous girlie girl who sit there shout about how busy they are but yet spend 30 mins out of every hour putting make up on

Nevyn

And why do they always refer to themsevles as 'girls' are they not women ?
Fully grown adults ?

Dudess

Dudette... ish wrote: »

I am a 23 year old gal, and have been thinking recently about my personality and my attiude.

Your attitude seems fine. Don't think about it any more.

All my life I have tended to have way more male than female friends. I gel so much better with them. I understand their humour, and I have a completely random and cracked sense of humour (that is normally in the gutter tbh) that usually men only tend to get. I love the way they are straight down the line and how you always know where you stand. I feel most comfortable when I am with guys. I wouldn't consider myself a tomboy so to speak, I wear skirts and dresses and all the rest, take care in my appearance, have boyfriends, do my hair etc etc and still have certain womanly traits. Of course, I have female friends, maybe 1 or 2 good friends. Its just... girls in large groups (more than 2) tend to scare me.. Im not completely on their wavelength. I have gotten a bit of stick in the past for hanging out with guys so much in school, I think it was seen as flirting when it really wasn't.

Heh, it feels like I'm reading about myself!

The females of the team I now have to work with are REAL girly girls. I mean, the lunch talk consists of mainly men, clothes, desperate housewives, men, nail varnish, Gucci, men, highlights, clothes, jewellry, men... You see the general gist.

Jesus Christ... they sound like a piss-take.

they looked at me in complete shock, and said that was just weird.

Ok, they are a piss-take!

Their concern was that I was 'hiding my pretty face behind a load of PCs where boys coudn't see me' ..... Jaysus.

Oh good god... no! Why didn't they just go the whole hog and say "Let's wear make-up so the boys will like us", "I wish they taught shopping at school", "Thinking too much gives you wrinkles"... etc. And men get accused of holding women back...?!

Should I make more of an effort? While I would be numbed to death talking about blusher and fake eye lashes, I guess I should try? I think my problem is that they are starting to make me feel slightly self conscious that how I am is not normal....

Good god woman, if you're not normal, then hooray for abnormality!

Now to be fair, no matter what anyone says here, it's not nice feeling unaccepted at work. The ones I work with are just mind-blowing with some of the crap they come out with. And some of them are quite blatant in their ostracisation of me. Now while I don't particularly care - it's not as if I want to become friends with them - it does irritate me a bit that anyone could be so rude. But OP, that's not good enough reason to change. Do not change who you are or feel bad about yourself for being "different" (to them). Instead, rejoice at the fact that you're not like them (nothing wrong with a bit of girlyness and I'm not suggesting a girl who embraces her girly side can only be dumb, but these women... well the sh1t they go on with is just insane!)
Don't do/say stuff you don't want to do - just in order to fit in with people whom you don't care about/like. That would be a very bad idea. And really, the fact that they said you were "weird" over the Desperate Housewives thing - that's kinda rude actually. Do you really want to fall into line with people who say crap like that? Nope, don't change a thing about yourself.

I would add though that while I'm similar to you in a lot of ways, I do like to look good. It's a huge confidence booster and I see nothing wrong with making the most of yourself. Also, Desperate Housewives is actually very good...

Reku

Never change who you are just so someone will like you, if you cannot relate to/cannot like someone you can always leave the room, if you can no longer say to yourself "I like me" there's no where to go to get away from you.

The great irony about this is they talk about men so much yet their behaviour will get them many a boyfriend (who'll probably be keeping an eye out for a better model), whereas having a bit of grey matter between the ears and something worth saying will get you a LTR.

The simple fact that you can hang out with the lads and be accepted shows that there is nothing wrong with you, that these women aren't able to accept that you are not a factory line standard production model is very stepford wifish IMO.

neuro-praxis

If this is what counts as a personal problem these days then people have little to worry about. :rolleyes:

calahans

Fitting in is the most important thing in life. Try to model yourself on them... throw out all your GAA jerseys for a start

Weidii

For gods sake don't change yourself to suit the mindless. We need more women like you in society.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

calahans wrote: »

Fitting in is the most important thing in life. Try to model yourself on them... throw out all your GAA jerseys for a start

No! I'm not having this!

There's a girl where I work who, on casual Friday, showed up in a rugby shirt and combat fatigue trosuers. Sexiest damn thing I ever saw!

OP - I have the exact same problem in reverse. I like art, I'm a qualifed massage therapist, I like listening to other people's problems, the girls like me to talk to, the blokes think I'm gay. The think is, I watch my football and drink my pints like anyone else.

The idea of the football running late and then being followed by Desperate housewives is my idea of heaven. All I need now is a nice cold beer, and someone to watch it with!

valleyoftheunos

OP, you've clearly made an effort with these girls in your office and you dont fit in with them.

Whats the worry? Hang out with those you do fit in with, and dont feel you need to conform to other peoples notions of what you should be like. Fashion and TV dont facinate you? So what? You're more comfortable around guys than girls? Not a problem.

Kepp friendly with the Girls, in the same way that you should always try and stay on good terms with everyone in the workplace and leave them to their gossip, make up and Desperate Housewives.

bronte

Dudette... ish wrote: »

Their concern was that I was 'hiding my pretty face behind a load of PCs where boys coudn't see me'

This part is actually quite frightening :eek:
Please, for the love of God do not feel you need to fit in with this lot.
If they have a problem with you, it is just that, THEIR problem!

Beruthiel

neuro-praxis wrote: »

If this is what counts as a personal problem these days then people have little to worry about. :rolleyes:

You're here long enough to know that unhelpful comments are not welcome here.

Dudess

neuro-praxis wrote: »

If this is what counts as a personal problem these days then people have little to worry about. :rolleyes:

"These days" - what are you? 75 and remembering the days of rationing?

OP, take no notice of that. We're in the workplace for a huge chunk of life, of course it's going to cause worry and even upset if we feel left out by our colleagues. But while your colleagues seem breath-takingly dumb, you're still interacting with them and not blatantly left to sit on your own at lunch etc. Leave it at that. Any of the decent ones will see you're not for turning and will respect who you are. Definitely keep the (non crippling high heel attired) foot down!

Reku

Dudess wrote: »

OP, take no notice of that. We're in the workplace for a huge chunk of life, of course it's going to cause worry and even upset if we feel left out by our colleagues. But while your colleagues seem breath-takingly dumb

Unfortunately them may not have started out as such, I've noticed a few times where women would start in the job, clearly be quite intelligent, but want so badly to be liked by both the guys and the girls that the play the blonde and over time become the role they cast themselves. Please don't let this happen to you OP.

Dudess

True. I've noticed that in all aspects of life, not just in the work place. OP you have your own personality and be thankful you're not a sheep. Far better to be like that then to become something you're not.

LaVidaLoca

You're a fully rounded human being. An individual if you will.

You're not one of those horrendous walking bags of consumer appetites that so many Irish women have turned into recently.

You deserve to be congratulated.

*virtual handshake*

Seraphina

my god, sounds exactly like a job i had last year. only i lost it because the head of admin decided i "didn't fit"
very upset at the time, but quite glad about it now, they were a bunch of idiots anyway.

join the conversation if it interests you, but don't force yourself to be something you're not. you'll find your niche, i'm sure there are other girls just like you there somewhere! talk to them on their own, they're less likely to be so airheaded.

there are plenty of women like us out there, don't worry about it!

Dudess

I've heard the women in the canteen having in-depth conversations about: curtains/blinds, being unable to open a bottle at home and as a result being in a bit of a fix because himself wasn't there, Coronation Street as if it's real life... All the girls and lads sit seperately from each other - apart from me; on the rare occasions that I do have lunch in the canteen, I sit with the lads. I'd say the females think I'm strange for doing so - maybe even a bit of a "hussy"...

It seems to be impossible to be single over the age of 25 in the worlds of these women. Some of them are so prematurely middle-aged it's bizarre. A few of them whom I thought were in their 40s or about to turn 40 are actually only in their early 30s. They are so uptight about food too - all I ever see them eating is lettuce and low-fat brand sh1te (which is actually worse for you). It's one thing to eat a healthy, balanced diet but quite another to be barely eating. And some of them are so narky - I would be too if I limited myself to lettuce leaves and diet yogurts. Every so often the company has cakes delivered from Spar and none of them will dare take one, even though they admit they're longing for one. For fukk's sake - life's too short! One of them was talking about how she had cut out bread and I genuinely thought it might be because of a yeast/wheat allergy. As someone who is prone to same, I was interested so I asked her if that was the reason why. Well... I have never seen such defensiveness! She was cutting it out to lose weight and reckoned I was being smart with her. That sort of paranoia is probably due to her being hungry all the time, as well as knowing that she doesn't have to lose weight. The thing is, none of them actually need to lose weight. Maybe they'd like to firm up a few unseen wobbly bits but I actually get miserable looking at what they eat.

I find it a fairly depressing place to work in that sense and I'm glad to say I'm finishing up there soon. OP, I wouldn't in a million years change how I am for the ones I work with, neither should you.

UnregGirl

calahans wrote: »

Fitting in is the most important thing in life. Try to model yourself on them... throw out all your GAA jerseys for a start

If fitting in is the most important thing in life well then why shouldn't these girls change to fit in with the OP in that case? What makes the majority right?? That's rubbish.

OP I can completely relate to you, I am much the same. Would be much happier messing around in jeans and a vest rather than being dressed to the nines. And i can count the amount of times I've walked into a beauty salon! That's not to say i don't try and look my best...most of the time!

I've come across plenty of girls like those you describe in my time, and i feel really uncomfortable around them and never have much to say. But luckily I work in a workplace full of men though with just a scattering of down to earth girls who have more to talk about than what you just mentioned! In your case there's nothing really I can say other than you need to just feel comfortable and confident with yourself and try and not let these girls get to you. Just laugh their comments off to yourself, besides, a lot of this carry on from girlie girls just stems from their own insecurities, and shallowness, and you've obviously got a lot more going for you then they have!

the_syco

Thaedydal wrote: »

And why do they always refer to themsevles as 'girls' are they not women ?
Fully grown adults ?

Why do girls try to look over 18, and women try to look under 18?

=-=

OP: don't worry about it. In a pack environment everyone aspires to be the same, but separated, you'll find one or two with similar traits to yourself.

seaner

my gf is the best of both worlds really. She'll talk no problem about the latest makeup she's recently bought with her mates but at the same time can argue wholeheartidly as to why 'From Dusk Till Dawn' is a great film!

To be frank that group of girls sound pretty moronic. But I would agree that if you got to talking to them individually you might be suprised as to what they are really like.

Pherekydes

OP:

Be yourself!

/End of.



My better half is as feminine as any woman, but she can't stand what she terms "bimbo talk". She gets on with the guys she works with, doesn't watch soaps, has a technical job. Just like you. OK, she doesn't like soccer, but she's very unlike a "typical" female. And I love her for it. I'm guessing your boyfriends prefer you the way you are, too.

scoot on

OP I also am slightly tomboy-ish. I LOVE sports. I play inter county GAA (which is never considered a good thing if female but is the bee all and end all if male). I've played practically all sports at one point or another. I just love being active. But I get on with girls aswell. I like Desperate Housewives. I like make-up. I like clothes. I appreciate an excellent fake tan etc etc etc. I sometimes feel men are worse than women when it comes to the girly girl stereotype. I told a guy in work the other day that I was at the champions league final in Athens last year and he turned around and said "Your boyfriend must be a massive Liverpool fan". I didn't even know what to say back to that. Maybe the fact that I planned the entire trip and spent a week looking for accomodation in Athens might have convinced him but I'd still have my doubts. Anyway, totally off topic, my msg to the OP is just be who you're comfortable with. Don't change yourself for anybody else. It's perfectly normal to be female and to get on with men more than with women. And you're not alone. They're plenty of us out there

kowloon

calahans wrote:

Fitting in is the most important thing in life. Try to model yourself on them... throw out all your GAA jerseys for a start

I once knew someone who would say things like that, and mean it.
I always thought they were a bit of a tool.

Dudess wrote:

I'd say the females think I'm strange for doing so - maybe even a bit of a "hussy"...

Well, You are a bit of a hussy, but i'm okay with that :pac:

Overheal

Personally I find myself in very foreign waters with Girly girls; like a fighter pilot shot down in Siberia. Its great to meet real girls in contrast

that being aside from the issue a bit - don't change. If anything maybe you can bring them back down from their fluffy pink clouds.