more advice needed

brokensoul

Hi there,

Im here seeking yet more advice.

As i have posted before my partner has alcohol and psych issues. He has got a place on an outpatient alcohol programme . 10 week course.

We were speaking last night and he said that he really doesnt want to do it and that he is only doing it as he doesnt want to let me or his parents down. I dont know how to react. Im not sure if something like this can work if the person is going into it with an attitude that they dont want to be there?

He has tried aa meetings and he didnt like them as he didnt like having to talk and said he felt he had nothing to say. He feels that this will be the same in the treatment centre.

Also, in relation to his mood swings, he is struggling at the moment, his psych has recommended lithium, but he wants to get a second opinion on before trying.

I suppose at the moment i feel angry at him. Angry because it seems that he wont put the effort into making himself better ( i know that sounds really harsh) and also angry because i dont know where the hell we will turn if this course an d/or lithium doesnt work.

I love him with all my heart and soul but i cant stay with him if he is drinking and even when he isnt, when his mood swings get bad it can be hard to take too.

I guess im looking for advice as to how to deal with him, has anyone gone through anything similar?

Mazeire

Hi Broken Soul. I'm sorry to hear about your partner. I have not personally gone through anything like this but the father of a close friend of mine was an alcoholic and was on and off the wagon for years. He was in and out of vaious treatment centres for ages. Finally he was in a huge car accident. He emerged from it without a scratch but a passenger in the car that he collided with was quite seriously injured (but is now fine, physically at least).
He went in to treatment after that and has stayed clean for 5 years. My friend was talking to him last Christmas about the whole shebang and he figures that his previous rehab attempts had failed because he felt like he was being blackmailed in to it and that he himself had not actually wanted to do it. When he got out of the car wreck and walked in a daze over to the other car and saw the two girls, one unconcious and the other hysterical, it gave him a wake up call as to how low he had sunk.
In short if he does not want this for himself and to improve his own quality of life, it will not work and it will be a waste of time.
PLease take care of yourself in all this as well. You have done so well well and are a strong lady

Dizzyblonde

brokensoul, I'm not sure you can make him want to do the treatment if he doesn't want to. Maybe it's the depression talking at the moment and when he's on the right meds it'll be different - I hope so. i can understand why you wouldn't be able to stay with him if he doesn't get sorted out, with both the drinking and the mood swings. After all you've been through it'd be just too much to ask.
I've seen people stay with alcoholics who won't face the problem and it just enables them to keep drinking.
Self-preservation is very important for you now, please look after yourself and be proud of what you've achieved.

Overheal

Well its been suggested to me many times that it can be easier to write down on paper what you cant say out loud. Maybe suggest that he writes in a journal/copy? Nobody has to see it; and he doesn't have to write it for anyone but himself. It just helps immensely to re-read your thoughts on paper; it allows you to double back and look at your own feelings from a more objective point of view.

AARRRGH

Both you and your partner suffer from depression and are alcoholics.

Has your life gotten better or worse since you met your partner?

EDIT: The reason I ask this is because I've seen your previous posts, and it sounds like your life is a bit of a disaster (no offence), so I'm just wondering if you and your partner would be better off with people who are in a healthier place. You know, misery loves company, and all that.

FingersCrossed

Hi Brokensoul

Sorry your going through this. As you know yourself the frame of mind has to be right. He has to want to stop.

It must be very hard for you, staying sober yourself and dealing with this aswell.

Mind yourself.

LegacyUser

brokensoul wrote: »

Hi there,

Im here seeking yet more advice.

As i have posted before my partner has alcohol and psych issues. He has got a place on an outpatient alcohol programme . 10 week course.

We were speaking last night and he said that he really doesnt want to do it and that he is only doing it as he doesnt want to let me or his parents down. I dont know how to react. Im not sure if something like this can work if the person is going into it with an attitude that they dont want to be there?

He has tried aa meetings and he didnt like them as he didnt like having to talk and said he felt he had nothing to say. He feels that this will be the same in the treatment centre.

Also, in relation to his mood swings, he is struggling at the moment, his psych has recommended lithium, but he wants to get a second opinion on before trying.

I suppose at the moment i feel angry at him. Angry because it seems that he wont put the effort into making himself better ( i know that sounds really harsh) and also angry because i dont know where the hell we will turn if this course an d/or lithium doesnt work.

I love him with all my heart and soul but i cant stay with him if he is drinking and even when he isnt, when his mood swings get bad it can be hard to take too.

I guess im looking for advice as to how to deal with him, has anyone gone through anything similar?

I'm in a similer situation at the moment only involving drugs not booze. I'm off everything for about 3 weeks now and its driving me insane. I really don't want to stop, sounds stupid but it gets me through the days and weeks in one piece. Only reason I'm stopping is for my family and the friends that I unknowingly abandonded through my habit.

The last thing I wana do at the moment is quit... I was much like him at the start, I never had anything to say in group, always looked around and thought that I shouldn't be here etc but I'm glad I stayed. The hardest part isn't saying something, anyone can bull**** on saying 'hi im blah i do this i do that but im cleaning up'. The more he talks about it FROM THE HEART, the more HE will understand about his problem aswell as the people trying to help him.

Try not to be angry with him, I know this whole situation must be terrorable for you but he obviously loves you alot if he's after getting as far as a treatment center. He's lucky to have someone like you to support him through this, it will be a big help for him.

Sorry if this is all jibberish or not related!

Best of luck to both of ya's, its not gonna be the easiest thing in the world but totally worth it!

brokensoul

dublindude wrote: »

Both you and your partner suffer from depression and are alcoholics.

Has your life gotten better or worse since you met your partner?

EDIT: The reason I ask this is because I've seen your previous posts, and it sounds like your life is a bit of a disaster (no offence), so I'm just wondering if you and your partner would be better off with people who are in a healthier place. You know, misery loves company, and all that.

To be honest, i thought that i suffered from depression but i found that once i gave up the booze the depression sort of lifted! I had other issues, mainly relating to abuse i suffered as a child, but once i gave up drinking i was able to fully commit to Counselling and i was so lucky in that i found a fantastic counsellor who really helped me. My partners problems are a strain of course, but generally, im in a very good place at the moment.

Since i met him my life has got better because he gives me a reason to get better ( soppy as that sounds!) He is someone that i can see a future with, picket fence, dogs, kiddies - the works.

I appreciate what you say about misery loving company and it is something that we have both considered. However, i am not with him for pity or for duty. I genuienly love him and 90% of the time he and i have a great time.

AARRRGH

That's brilliant so. I'm off the booze as well and I agree with you it can make a profound difference.

Best of luck.