What advice should I give him???

Cateym

Hello,

An old mate of mine rang me last night looking for some advice.

He started seeing this girl in December and at first things were cool enough between them. He said he did most of the running in the beginning, first to text, first to suggest going out etc. He was put in a really embarrassing situation then a couple of months ago where she had this weekend with her mates and their partners planned. He knew nothing about it and felt like a right twat when one of the guys, assuming he was invited, asked him was he looking forward to it. He dealt with this situation, told the girl how that had made him feel and that he was tired of doing all the running and it was up to her now etc.

He said things really improved after that, they spent alot of time together and were getting pretty close. Then they had a weekend away. This guy is a home bird, he is like a fish out of water when away. He was very dependent on her for the weekend and it led to quite a few rows. They had a big one in the airport on the way home and as a result she called the whole thing off amid what I can only say sounded like a toddler's tantrum! She has more or less refused to speak to him since.

He is pretty cut up about it as he was really keen. So far I have advised he leave her alone for a few days to calm down maybe then try speak to her again. What I really believe though is that this girl may never have been really into him in the first place and this is just a convenient cowardly excuse to call the whole thing off. I mean the arguments were so silly. He says they had had a few arguments before this but nothing serious. I put it to him that this may be the case, she's just not that into him, but he was adamant that they had really gotten on before this.

What do you guys think???

Puffin

To make a relationship to work, it takes more than being keen. Both parties need to have fairly similar goals and values and aim for a reasonably similar lifestyle.

He needs to sort out what he wants and what she wants. Then he can see if they are a match.

I would advise anyone to not try to argue what is ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ when discussing these things, but to just work out what he wants, and what she wants. For example- maybe he is a homebody who isn’t’ interested in travel. Maybe she loves travel and wants a partner who will be excited about being in a new place. Neither of these people are right or wrong- both points of view are equally acceptable BUT these two people probably shouldn’t try to pursue a relationship.

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

My advise to him would be to a) IF the airport bust-up was his fault, apologise, but do nothing else - don't ask her out; or b) if NOT his fault, do nothing and wait for her to come back, BUT be open to the fact that she might be gone and he may have to deal ith a break-up.

That said, time heals wounds - think of it as an experience to move on from and he can do much better in the furture.

smash

This guy is a home bird, he is like a fish out of water when away. He was very dependent on her for the weekend and it led to quite a few rows.

sounds like he needs to grow up a bit and get some independence. Maybe he's a really clingy person and she's not!

Hrududu

This guy is a home bird, he is like a fish out of water when away. He was very dependent on her for the weekend and it led to quite a few rows.

Have you more information on this part? How was he dependent on her? To be honest getting like that when away for 1 weekend sets alarm bells ringing with me.

Cateym

He had never flown on his own until the weekend and he is a very nervous flyer so I'm sure by time he arrived he was prob a bit wound up. Then the withdrawal limit on his banklink card wasn't enough so he got stressed about that, in case he hadn't enough money.

The guy is just not a comfortable traveller. I have been away with him before so I know what he is like first hand. It is like travelling with a kid and to be honest, it frustrated the crap out of me. He knows what he is like but I don't think it will ever change unless he goes away for a long enough period to get comfortable with it.

His girlfriend had already been there for a few days with work which hadn't gone well so she was high-doh as well and between that and his travel phobia I'm sure arguments were always going to be on the cards....

LegacyUser

Uh, I could see how that could completely be a deal killer for a woman especially, if he went from 'man' to 'big baby' on the weekend away. It may have completely changed her perception of him

SarahSassy

Cateym wrote: »

Then they had a weekend away. This guy is a home bird, he is like a fish out of water when away. He was very dependent on her for the weekend and it led to quite a few rows. They had a big one in the airport on the way home and as a result she called the whole thing off amid what I can only say sounded like a toddler's tantrum! She has more or less refused to speak to him since.

This alone would drive me SPARE. Did she know the place they went to? If not, then I would think he was lazy - leaving it all up to me and a wimp to be honest....

Nothing worse than a man or woman you have to do everything for and he sounds like one of these....

Cateym

She knows the place they were to quite well as she used to work and live there. He however, had never been there before. It is quite pathetic that he turns into a child when away. I told him so as well and that he needs to get his act together and make more of an effort.

Wibbs

SarahSassy wrote: »

Nothing worse than a man or woman you have to do everything for and he sounds like one of these....

Bang on the money. I will add that for him as a guy that will be a crippling strain on any relationship he has with a women, as that stuff is tolerated much less by women.