V confused

SandraG

Sorry for the HUGE post.

First time Ive ever posted in a forum but am having major issues tryin to figure this out!!
Met a guy about 2 months ago, started seeing each other and things were going really well, not over the top or anything just spending some nice days out together etc. Things started getting a little bit more 'serious' - as in had been mention of a holiday and maybe moving closer to each other as we live really far apart and was bit of a nightmare and we had definately decided we liked each other and wanted to get to know each other better.
The day after the night that the holiday and possible moving was mentioned things started to go wierd though, he had invited me out the following wkend to a couple of things, I heard absolutely nothing from him the following days though, ended up dropping a txt to see if we were still on for the wkend, he came back to me with a yes and we met up, but things were definately 'different', the following day he cxld our plans - without telling me but said did I wanna meet up that night out - that's when things got really messed up...there I was dressed up and ready to meet him when I got a txt saying he was too drunk and going home....
so I - believing him - said 'sure you may as well come back to mine', well long story short he made it very obvious he was staying out and he actually just didnt want me out - but instead of just saying that he came up with the most outrageous 'story'. I got the msg and backed off, I also know guys well enough to figure he had prob met someone he found more interesting that night, let him know extremely politely and then went to bed.
Now the following day he called 3 or 4 times and I couldnt face answering - I hate those 'excuses' conversations and he had made it very clear how he really felt about me - regardless of whether he had been with someone else or not, he had treated me really badly the following night and I had done nothing to deserve it. He sent a txt along the lines of if you wont take my call then what can I do...
I returned his call in the end, he said his piece,I said mine and then got back to 'normal' talking.
Things are just messed up now, I know Ive been lied to, I know things are not the way they were as little as 6 days ago and I really wanna know what the hell can happen in like 4 days to make someones personality change so much???

The only things I can think of are -
he met someone else (fine,just tell me!)
Something has happened and he's not coping with it very well - in his personal/family life (I hope he's ok!)
He scared the sh*t out of himself talking about holiday and moving (fine,just tell me!)

My problem is should I ask him??
And if so, how do I ask him without sounding really wierd???

This is a very new r'ship - we haven't even had the 'exclusive' talk but it was going well and Im quite confused, when I get confused I tend to just back right off and leave - but I like him and Im trying not to run screaming - even though he really upset me the other night - everyone makes stupid mistakes right?!

aye

did he not explain when you rang him and he said his piece?

yes ask him what happened?

yep people do make stupid mistakes (trust me!), but sounds quite odd.

Dizzyblonde

In my opinion he's treated you badly and if you continue this relationship he'll know he can do it again. You'd have to be either desperate or have low self worth to stay with this guy.
You sound like a nice person so I think you could do way better than this. Run.

SandraG

Ya, he said a guy we work with was out - they are friends - we work together - noone knows about us.
I think your right though DizzyBlonde - to go on would only let him know I can be treated like that, now for figuring out how to tell him thanks but no thanks, unfortuanetly Ive already had a couple of normal phone conversations with him so might be a bit wierd going back on it?
Also - should I really call it a day over one mistake - do you think thats a bit harsh?!

Dizzyblonde

I don't understand why you're referring to what happened as a 'mistake' - and the only harsh thing is the way he treated you.
It doesn't matter that you've had a couple of normal chats on the phone since - if you don't want to see him again you don't have to. On the other hand, if you do want to continue then that's your choice too - but I have a feeling it'll be more of the same. Nice guys don't do things like that.

ahoney

Op, just reading thru ur post and it seems to me there are a few interpretations of what happened and what could be going on, but you have fixed in ur head ur theory of it, u automatically assume that he met someone else, if you and he were going to work out one of u needs the courage to bring it up, and discuss it openly, doesnt have to be in confrontational way, if u really like him and you respect yourself and want to go forward with him then u MUST have the conversation, it will do one of two things, clear the air and clarify things and set out how u expect to be treated leading to u and him continuing OR end things properly and you getting to state ur case and how what he did made you feel, you have a few theories about what might of happened but until u and he talk openly thats all they shall be is theories and you wont know what really happened him e.g. cold feet etc. Communication is the key to a good relationship so if you want to go forward with him have the discussion and if you dont well then hopefully he will learn from it and you will feel stronger for it, best of luck

LegacyUser

Well i can see the witch hunters are out in force today. I really cant understand why people even respond in this forum when all they do is prattle on about how men cannot be trusted and taking wonderful leaps from "he didn't pull the chair out on the first date" to "he'll be Ike Turner on your arse in about a week" etc etc.

So he was acting the bollox with his mates, as you said you have not had the exclusive talk yet. Might i add that most guys do enjoy a bit of time out with their friends away from the females. Now if he has made alot of effort to get incontact with you after this , i would assume he is genuinely remorseful and probably hoping he can redeem himself with you. IF thats the case and you want to make a go of it, then do.

Dont listen to the torrent of penis haters in this place who seem to think that every man should be perfect and never fib and never say anything out of turn and never do anything that will ever annoy a woman ever because if he does, then he is not the right man. Seriously girls if these men exist they are probably monks or in comas!!!

BeansMeansHynes

I agree completely with Dizzyblonde.

He has treated you badly! Whether it is because he met someone else that night or is just a coward and afraid that things with you are moving too fast he still shouldn't treat you like that. He should be honest with you one way or another.

I would leave him and his weird behavior and run. Plenty more guys out there.

SandraG

Coma Man wrote: »

So he was acting the bollox with his mates, as you said you have not had the exclusive talk yet. Might i add that most guys do enjoy a bit of time out with their friends away from the females. Now if he has made alot of effort to get incontact with you after this , i would assume he is genuinely remorseful and probably hoping he can redeem himself with you. IF thats the case and you want to make a go of it, then do.

Ok Im prob gonna be told I have no self worth or soemthing because of this but I actually agree with you, I think guys should have 'guy' time and I get it - I actually do! My problem - I said to him on the phone - if you wanna be out with the lads,tell me - now - so I can go out with the girls. And he was like nooo etc etc. Anyway, Ive had a think and read everyones comments up here - thanks a mill - Ive decided to give him a fighting chance (and I do have self worth!) he did make the effort to get in contact and people do f*ck up - especially drunk people. So hopefully I wont be posting again soon and getting loads of I told you so's !!

The Hill Billy

SandraG wrote: »

...I heard absolutely nothing from him the following days though, ended up dropping a txt to see if we were still on for the wkend...
...I got a txt saying he was too drunk and going home....
...Now the following day he called 3 or 4 times and I couldnt face answering...
...He sent a txt along the lines of if you wont take my call then what can I do...

...My problem is should I ask him??
And if so, how do I ask him without sounding really wierd???

I would respectfully suggest that you lift the phone or (& this may seem crazy) meet with him face to face & speak with him. How in the name jaysus do people expect to have a meaning relationship if they don't actually speak with each other?

But I'd be of the opinion that maybe this isn't the guy/relationship for you at the moment. You say that the relationship is only going for 2 months yet you've discussed "maybe moving closer to each other as we live really far apart." Dear God no - neither of you understands how to communicate with the other after he acted the eejit & went on the booze with his mates.