I didn't know she had a boyfriend...

LegacyUser

Hey there, I'm a 20 year old male and am really puzzled about something.

I've been seeing this girl weekly for the past few months and she seems to be amazing and I'm absolutely attracted to her in every way but recently I just found out that she has a boyfriend. I'm actually fairly annoyed about this. It has hurt me that she didnt tell me at all.
Whats even worse is that her boyfriend will also be hurt if he ever finds out.
I was talking to her friends the previous night and some have said "I've heard all about you, but I'll keep it a secret". This was the point when I questioned the girl that I was seeing... What secret???!?!?!?!

Anyways, I think should have a talk with her this week.
I don't want to interfere with anybody else's relationship, even though I involuntarily am.

Thanks.

truecrippler

Ouch I've been in a similar situation like this before. Things can get tricky.

biko

Is it possible you're in the friend zone? Or has she cheated on him with you?

LegacyUser

Every time we meet up we're always getting close and talking to each other intimately. We love each others company, we can't let go of each other. We've kissed only once, but she kissed me first then all I knew was that we kept going. Felt weird but good at the same time.
She just told me that she doesn't want to do this anymore as she doesn't want to hurt "Mr. X" but then a few days later when in the same club, she spotted me, grabbed me on my bum and complemented me "hello sexy". I'm really confused, she just said she cant do it no more then then she's coming onto me again. That night we got close again.

I've just found out too that she and her boyfriend don't seem to interact a lot with each other. Doesn't seem to be interest at all between them.

Really really confused.

Thanks for the replies so far. Have this thread as my home page cos I really need to know what to do.

truecrippler

Sounds like to me that she doesn't know what she really wants. Perhaps wait a while and dont see her. If she wants you she'll come running back to you. Do you get to see her a lot?

Miss Fluff

Just tell her that while you love being with her you don't want to be a spare part and would prefer not to see her while she is still in a relationship. Trust me this is the best thing to do, you will save yourself a LOT of head f8cks.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the replies guys.

Miss Fluff, any reason why she said she doesn't want to do this anymore then she does a few days later?

Yeh I think I'll explain to her how I feel and don't want to be a "spare part" and just friends for now?

LegacyUser

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Just tell her that while you love being with her you don't want to be a spare part and would prefer not to see her while she is still in a relationship. Trust me this is the best thing to do, you will save yourself a LOT of head f8cks.

+1

It will force her to decide whether she likes you better than the BF as well. Now she gets both.

LegacyUser

I really really appreciate the responses guys and girls.

I know what I have to do now. I'm just gonna cuddle with her for one more night, no kissing etc. Gonna talk to her, get her to know who I really am. Then at the end of the night, hopefully she'll want to see me again. But when that happens I'm gonna have a talk with her and say something like: Thats the last of it for now, I can't have this guilt over my head while you're with your boyfriend.

Hopefully it will make her decide.

Thanks.

Miss Fluff

So Confused wrote: »

Thanks for the replies guys.

Miss Fluff, any reason why she said she doesn't want to do this anymore then she does a few days later?

Honest answer? Because she is a head wrecker. Unintenionally or not she laps up the attention of someone who is blatantly smitten with her, i.e. you and it is massaging her ego and keeping you waiting on the subs bench until she decides what she wants to do with her current BF. She is playing with you m'dear so I'd be firm in giving her a wide berth, she will keep you on a string like a puppet otherwise and you don't deserve that.

LegacyUser

Thanks Miss Fluff, I'll keep all that in mind.

I'll simply just tell her thats it off between us.

Overheal

biko wrote: »

Is it possible you're in the friend zone? Or has she cheated on him with you?

Personal Experience: quite possible to be both. Not necessarily all at once, but ****ty nonetheless.

So Confused wrote: »

Every time we meet up we're always getting close and talking to each other intimately. We love each others company, we can't let go of each other. We've kissed only once, but she kissed me first then all I knew was that we kept going. Felt weird but good at the same time.
She just told me that she doesn't want to do this anymore as she doesn't want to hurt "Mr. X" but then a few days later when in the same club, she spotted me, grabbed me on my bum and complemented me "hello sexy". I'm really confused, she just said she cant do it no more then then she's coming onto me again. That night we got close again.

I've just found out too that she and her boyfriend don't seem to interact a lot with each other. Doesn't seem to be interest at all between them.

Really really confused.

Sounds like you're the gap-guy; filling in for whatever pieces she is missing out of her own relationship.

Miss Fluff wrote: »

Just tell her that while you love being with her you don't want to be a spare part and would prefer not to see her while she is still in a relationship. Trust me this is the best thing to do, you will save yourself a LOT of head f8cks.

Definitely solid advice.

So Confused wrote: »

I really really appreciate the responses guys and girls.

I know what I have to do now. I'm just gonna cuddle with her for one more night, no kissing etc. Gonna talk to her, get her to know who I really am. Then at the end of the night, hopefully she'll want to see me again. But when that happens I'm gonna have a talk with her and say something like: Thats the last of it for now, I can't have this guilt over my head while you're with your boyfriend.

Hopefully it will make her decide.

Thanks.

Just be careful.

Even if she does decide you're the one she wants to be with; what next? Thats a whole new clusterfuck. Chances are any relationship like that will play out like a rebound - it will be short, and you will end up hurt. And if not, this is a girl that doesn't have a problem seeing other guys if you aren't providing everything she needs.

It might hurt to put her out of your life, and keep her out of your life, but its the lesser evil of having her drop you 6 months from now.

AARRRGH

If she's doing this to her boyfriend, she'll do it to you. Her relationship with intimacy is abnormal.

You'll probably save yourself a lot of hassle by getting rid of her.