Pre-Marriage Courses

Dr.TV

Hi all,
I am planning for my marriage coming up soon and am looking to potentially book one of these courses. We have a relative marrying us so we don’t necessarily have to book a course, but I think that I would still like to as it plans the way for the future. I'm just wondering if anyone thinks they are a good idea or bad. And also if you have been to a nice/good course, please let me know, as I am also looking for recommendations. I live in the south Dublin area and would like to go to one in this area.
Thanks all

Aquitaine

Honestly if you dont have to go on one, i wouldnt. we did the day long course in Terenure College (i think) and while it was good at times i dont think that we benifited from doing the course. they go through communication, legal advice and a few other things...all of which i would like to think i would already know - or at least should know if ive already set a date!

Mulan

I'n my opinion, I thought it was a worthwhile. I was in my mid 20ies and even though it was something small, both my wife and I felt we got something out of it. Had a good laugh aswell and then went out on the beer.!!! Happy days.!!!

Good Luck

Das Kitty

We found ours brilliant. It was both great craic (12 couples and a cost price bar = epic sing song) and really informative and useful. We've been together 8 years and still found out loads about each other.

Ours was in Esker in Galway. They usually have places because they operate on word of mouth only and it's a weekend course. It was so good in fact that we're considering going to the newly married couples course they hold next year.

Sizzler

Lets be honest, if the priest didn't insist on people doing these courses people wouldnt be proactively saying "oh I think we need to go on a course before we get married".

Did your parents go on a course?

Das Kitty

Our priest didn't insist on it.

What does parents having done one have to do with the price of eggs?

Sizzler

Das Kitty wrote: »

Our priest didn't insist on it.

What does parents having done one have to do with the price of eggs?

To be fair, most priests do insist on it.

My point was, the odds are your parents have been happily married for 25+ years and they never did a course, so why is it neccessary in this day and age?

Das Kitty

Eh, my parents are divorced and had a super crappy marriage.

Not that it had anything to do with a pre-marriage course or lack of mind-you.

I do agree that they're not 100% necessary but they can be extremely useful. Everyone on our course found it helpful.

DO0GLE

The one I went to was made up of different modules...awareness, fertility etc, based over two saturdays. I didn't gain anything from it but I can understand how it can help people. It makes people stop and think what they are actually doing....one interesting statistic that came out of it was that 1 in 5 marriages end up breaking down.

Das Kitty

DO0GLE wrote: »

The one I went to was made up of different modules...awareness, fertility etc, based over two saturdays. I didn't gain anything from it but I can understand how it can help people. It makes people stop and think what they are actually doing....one interesting statistic that came out of it was that 1 in 5 marriages end up breaking down.

My friend went on that one, isn't it run by natural family planning or something? She said it was very technical.

DO0GLE

It was Accord

sweetie

We did it before meeting priest who laughed at the idea and wrote ten points on a piece of paper that were his 'course.' It was a waste of time and money tbh. It was two thursday evenings in All Hallows, Drumcondra.

heavyheart

Do you have to have it done before you meet the priest to fill in your pre nup forms ?

Das Kitty

If you're going to do it then yes, before the prenup inquiry forms as far as I know. Although our lad didn't ask to look at the cert. Ring him and see what he says.

eyeball kid

Just did one there at the weekend. It was a Friday evening and all day Saturday jobby run by Accord. Have to say, I didn't get anything out of it but then I am going out with my girlfriend nearly 8 years and living together for nearly 3.

Maybe very young couples not living together would get something out of it but we didn't.

Shelli

Do you think it would be a worthwhile thing to do for somebody who wasn't too sure about marraige?

My OH doesn't believe in marraige, he says he's not into it, but that if really means a lot to me then it's something he'll consider.

There are many reasons he's not a big fan, religion, divorce etc. Personally I think it may have something to do with what he was surrounded with growing up, his parents divorced and are both remarried, mother considering a second divorce, and when we went visiting his parents in the UK I couldn't help but notice that every single couple we met was either divorced and single, or on their second or third marraige......if I was surrounded by that my whole life I'd be thinking whats the point aswell!!

Do you think a pre-marraige course might be able to show him what marraige is all about? And some of the good points of marraige??

Das Kitty

Well in my experience if he's dead against it it may antagonise him more to have to go. Then again he might enjoy it! Don't force him yourself but if your priest is going to ask you to do one it might be the way. I'm presuming you're getting married in the church because the courses are all at least a little catholic.

There's nothing wrong with him not seeing the point of marriage, that's his call, but legally ye'd be better off considering your sig. Congrats!

Shelli

Oh nothings a definite yet, it's just something we've talked about. And even before we had our son I was well aware of his views toward marriage, its not a make or break issue, but my faith does mean alot to me, so a church wedding would mean the world to me, and for him to even consider it makes me love him even more (god how mushy!! lol)

Anyhow, I'd just like to be able to be more factual with him, cause thats the kind of person he is, all facts and figures, and to go on a practical course would maybe help him decide. I know what I want, but if I don't get it I won't love him any less.
The financial and legal benefits appeal to him, but also deter him considering his view on marriage, IYKWIM.

I've also heard the pre-nups aren't worth the paper they're written on in this country? is this true? I know that this is something that would settle his mind and help him to focus more on the benefits of being wed, rather than the pitfalls???

Das Kitty

To be honest I think pre-marriage courses are set up to help you get along when married rather than selling marriage to you as a concept.

I haven't got a clue about prenuptial agreements in this country but you mentioning it got me thinking about this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hx_WKxqQF2o
:eek:

chelleflife

Pre-nups, to my knowledge are not strictly enforceable in Ireland. But that said, I hear the courts are inclined to look at them as a guide in a separation or divorce...a guide to what the parties intended. But a court can vary the terms of them and look behind them and distribute the assets differently if they believe its very unfair.

As for the courses, looking into mine at the moment and the weekend one in Esker is getting rave reviews, even from those who aren't very holy. My friend did hers there and said as well as learning loads (they were together 10 years!!) it was great craic with amazing food and a cost price bar! Apparently there were sing-songs and the lot! I have yet to read a bad review of it. One post said "if you want the certificate, do one of the day courses, if you want to work on your relationship, do the Esker course".

Anyone have any other experiences there?