Abused by a female

LegacyUser

i just wanted to get this out, its eating away at me. has anyone else been abused by a female? i was abused by my mother growing up and i just feel so weird and disgusted, like a freak. it started happening when my parents separated, she told me i would be sleeping with her from now on instead of my dad and it just happened from there. i should have known better. i feel like a looser because i can't seem to put it behind me, i can't get rid of the feelings and have problems with intimacy etc. i went to a counsellor before who told me it was an unlikely story to be abused by my own mother, and that females don't abuse girls, so i feel totally untrusting of counsellors now. is it that unheard of to be abused by a female? i used to cut myself to cope before, and now the urge to do it is coming back again badly. some days i feel like i don't want to go on because i feel dirty to the core. from the outside i appear normal and happy but its not the way i feel inside. any ideas how to just stop the flashbacks and memories and just get over it

Twinkle-star15

You poor poor girl. That counciller was a bastard who's worth less than his weight in ****. Maybe you could try the rape crisis centre, the Samaritans, or childline? Well done for giving up cutting!! *hugs* You're always going to be tempted to start again when things get really bad, but try throwing something instead. I always feel stupid punching a pillow, but throwing phones and books is really fun (although I try to get my phone on the bed :P).

No-one should have to go through the kind of **** you've been through, and no-one should have to listen to that kind of ignorance. It wasn't your fault, your mother is just very very sick. Are you still living with your mother, or have you moved out?

Abi

Im not sure many here would have gone through what you have Im afraid. And it is less common, but it does happen. Any professional worth their salt would know that. Is it possible that you took her up wrong? She might have been trying to provoke you into talking in more detail about it.

I wouldnt imagine it would be the easiest of all thing to talk about.

Sherifu

I think you need to find a better counsellor OP. Seems strange that they wouldn't believe you.

WindSock

That counsellor is very unprofessional and you should probably report them, if you can.
I agree with the previous poster about Rape Crises. They would be a bit more clued up on your situation.

Zillah

unreggedgirl wrote: »

i went to a counsellor before who told me it was an unlikely story to be abused by my own mother, and that females don't abuse girls

The unbelieveable. Every day that goes by I hear worse and worse things about the state of the mental health institutions in Ireland.

Something like that is really going to mess you up, like you said. I'd reccomend trying to find a better counsellor/psychologist, even if it means shelling out for it yourself.

chuci

that is awful you poor thing. i cant believe what the counsellor said to you either that is just wrong and they do deserve to be post. well done for giving up cutting yourself to cope though. as was suggested above try punching a pillow or screaming into it very loudly if your feeling the need to release. obviously you should find yourself a new counsellor or hypo therapy might make it easier to talk about it . i wish you all the best*Hugs*

Wagon

The best thing to is to start dealing with this and getting over the past is to tell the counselor to piss off and actually learn something about mental health. Report him, if he loses his practice, who cares? Then get a new counselor and let them know everything. Abuse happens everywhere. You shouldn't be ignored.

LegacyUser

Thats simply awful.

Where is your mother now?

AckwelFoley

Hello

Im awfully sorry for your situation and the battle you have on your hands. Please dont lose faith in the professionals, they can help you.

You should contact the rape crisis centre, they will give you the help you need and all discussions are in the strictest confidence. Nobody needs to know you have been there..

Please dont get lost in your own feelings, you need to talk , you need to get help, -- its not a burden you should be expected to carry on your own, and its not a sign of weakness to get help.

Remember, you are the victim and have nothing to be ashamed of, and nobody would ever look at you differently if they knew.

Take care

- Brian

Wibbs

Good advice from snyper.

The "counselor" you dealt with was clearly not up with the stats and was basically talking out of an orifice not usually used for the purpose. I agree that he needs to be reported.

Various studies have shown that up to a quarter of all sex offenders are women depending on the study. Just like the male version it's an underreported crime so the overall figures for abusers of both genders is likely much higher.

b3t4

I have met two people, that I am aware of, who have been abused by females. You are not alone. Take the advise on here and speak with the Rape Crisis people

By the way, the 'counsellor' you spoke with is an idiot.

A

LegacyUser

OP I am sorry that this has happened to and I guarantee that you are not by far the only person that it has.

A friend of mine was also abused by her mother, and when i read ur post i could've sworn it was her writing it, until you said about cutting, as far as i know she hasn't cut. like one of the previous posters, there are two in total who i know of who were abused by a female, so its more common than you think, just a bit of a taboo subject still unfortunately.

it's **** that the counsellor was so ignorant to give you such a bad response.

i would highly recommend that you try the message boards of one in four. as you will be posting all to people who have also been abused, and i am sure that a couple of responses will be from girls who were abused by females.

i would also suggest that you try a search on the internet for books relating to female preprator abuse, as this might help you understand and accept it.

i hope you get the help and healing you deserve OP. Look after yourself i will be thinking of you xxxxxxxx

LegacyUser

Seriously that counsellor should lose his/her license to practice. That's basically the equivalent of serious malpractice. I would report them.

Victor

Counsellors don't need a licence to practice.

LegacyUser

They don't need to be licenced but most will beong to a professional organisation to whom they can be reported.

Also, try the NCS - the National Counselling Service. It's free, run by the HSE, and all counsellors will be used to dealing with sexual abuse by both sexes also neglect, physical & psychological abuse etc.

Good for you to have the wherwithal to ask about this issue! Hope you can get some good help.

brokensoul

Firstly, my sincere condolences to you. That was a terrible thing to happen to you, and that counsellor should not have treated you in the manner that they did.

I was abused as a child ( by a male rather than a female) and i can identify all too well with the feelings of anger and shame that you speak of. I turned to drink to numb my anger. That was not the way to deal with the pain though, and neither is cutting.

I was lucky in that i found a great counsellor who really helped me deal with the abuse. I know that she would be apalled to hear of your treatment. I have no idea where you are based but if you wish to PM me then i could try and get my counsellor to refer you to someone reputable in your area.

*huge hugs*

LegacyUser

the counsellor was actually working in the rape crisis centre i guess only men can rape or abuse. or something. anyway i felt like i made a huge fool of myself.

to the people that knew others who this had happened to - did they go for counselling? were they believed? and how are they now?

i still feel so low some days, like i don't want to go on. i keep thinking things will get better but its affecting my whole life, like having a boyfriend, having confidence, forming friendships with other women. its a feeling i have inside of being dirty and horrible, i can't shake it.

to whoever asked about my mother now, well i don't see her anymore for obvious reasons, it was never found out what she was doing, she just left and i never saw her again.

i will look at those boards and resources too now.

carolmon

That's really shocking that the counsellor was working in a Rape Crisis Centre, surely one place you think you could expect knowledge and understanding of sexual abuse.

OP please don't give up, if you find a good counsellor it can work wonders for you, really help you reclaim your life.

Remember the shame is not yours, you were a child and powerless, you are not to blame.

Did you ever hear the saying "be your own best friend"?

Basically it really helps you stop all the negative self talk, think about it, we would never talk to our friends the way we talk to ourselves in our heads.

If your best friend told you she had experienced similar abuse you would feel nothing but concern and kindness and caring.....

Try to feel the same level of compassion for yourself and you will start to lift the legacy of this abuse.

Take care
Carol

LegacyUser

unreggedgirl wrote: »

the counsellor was actually working in the rape crisis centre i guess only men can rape or abuse. or something. anyway i felt like i made a huge fool of myself.

to the people that knew others who this had happened to - did they go for counselling? were they believed? and how are they now?

i still feel so low some days, like i don't want to go on. i keep thinking things will get better but its affecting my whole life, like having a boyfriend, having confidence, forming friendships with other women. its a feeling i have inside of being dirty and horrible, i can't shake it.

to whoever asked about my mother now, well i don't see her anymore for obvious reasons, it was never found out what she was doing, she just left and i never saw her again.

i will look at those boards and resources too now.

OP thanks for posting back, was thinking about you

if u checking out the one in four boards, you won't be able to get on straight away as you need to register for a user name and password, but plz do check it out, so many people there with similar experiences.

as for my friend whose mother also abused her, she has a lot of issues still, a lot similar to yours i think. basically i seriously did think u could've been her when i started reading ur first post. and hun as someone who was also abused i can say for certain that it doesn't matter who u were abused by, the issues you describe (among others) are experienced
by a lot of abuse survivors, myself included, so it is absolutely normal what you are experiencing...