Girls Make Me Wanna Go Postal ... Sometimes

LegacyUser

Grrrr..

I've been going out with a girl for 6 months now. Last night I was working late (until around 8pm) and my gf was heading for a bite to eat with a friend of hers after work. No bother. She text me bout 18.30 to say she was going to cinema. I text back cool, have fun!

She text me a few mins later about something else but nothing that required a reply, I would normally reply but didnt bother at this point cos I figured she'd be in cinema.

Anyway was working away and I got home at 9pm (we dont live together). I put my phone up in my bedroom to charge it. Went down to the kitchen and myself and the family were enjoying a chinese and some wine for a few hours. I went up to get my phone bout 11.30 and had 2 messages, both from GF. one was sent at 9.45 just saying - I am drinking and a smiley face and the other at 11.15 saying "goodnite ex boyfriend!!!"

I text her back saying "why am I an exboyfriend" - no reply - 10 mins go by and I decide to ring her - phone off. Mmmm ok... so I turn on the reports function on my mobile and resend my previous text. 15mins later I get the delivery report so I ring her ... phone rings out. So I text again asking whats wrong and why are you avoiding talking to me. No response...

So I went to bed and this morning her phone is still off... I have no idea whats going on and its driving me mental...

I figure she mite have been annoyed cos I hadn't text her bak yesterday for ages.. but I really dont know... head is done in!

Wibbs

IMHO there are two ends of the spectrum with people when it comes to this stuff. Those that push away and those that pull. Now it is a spectrum and being balnced would peg you right in the middle. It's not that clearcut though. Some may be push types in one area of their lives and pull types in others. You could have someone that is supremely confident in their career, but in love they could be the other way. If they're extreme it informs their lives but most especially in relationships. It could stem from their first relationship with their parents or it could be anything that has informed this kinda stuff in their life up to now. It also varies over time and can be very fluid. Big generalisation ahoy, but I would say IMHO that in relationships women are more pull types and men tend towards push. You'll hear far more women say he never talks to me and more men say she never stops etc. One size does not fit all though. Younger men tend to be more pull than push as an example.

She sounds like the pull type and this comes out in a need for constant reinforcement of her choices and feelings and needs. This will be difficult to get around. Indeed the only way to do so is to not reward the behaviour. By now ringing her constantly you will have given her the reinforcement that she is looking for. Kinda like the guy in the other thread here that is always trying to placate. It won't work and if it does it will only work for a short time until next time she decides to push yours or her boundaries.

If you ring her again. Leave a message. Tell her that for whatever reason she feels that we are over, you accept that. Tell her you don't agree with the reason why, but you accept the decision that comes from that. Wish her luck. End message.

It's likely she'll calm down and then ring you. Maybe even try to patch things up. If both of you reach agreement then fine, but keep on top of this stuff and let it be known that you have boundaries too.

The only scenario where she may not want to try is if this is an excuse on her part to jump ship and is looking for someone to blame and take it out of her hands("oh well he didn't txt me so it's over BS). Are there any indications of this? Think hard on recent events and see if there are any unresolved issues she may have, even if you reckon its nothing. Indeed especially if you think its nothing. Are their any other guys in the equation, exes especially?

Probably not and it was just a blip of madness. Hope it goes well anyway.

conbob

very weird... i say you move on. if a girl messes you around like that after 6 months just for a laugh then its not worth your time. even if it was serious a text isnt the place for that....go find someone better

Sherifu

People only mess with your head if you let them. From what you describe you haven't done anything wrong. If she wants to break up because you're not at your phone 24/7 waiting to hear from her she's being silly. If she realises she was wrong then fine. If not and you accept it, it could start a trend. Decide if she's worth the hassle.