Animals in bars jokes....

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

Can never have enough of these....

The archetype:
A horse goes into a bar, barman asks him "why the long face?"


The deviations:
A lion goes into a bar asks for two pints of guiness.
.
.
.
.
.
.
And a packet of peanuts.
Barman asks, "what's with the big pause?!"

Squirrel walks into a bar, has a few drinks, signs a few songs, gets on great, last one to leave. Just as the barman's about to lock up, squirrel charges in.
"Have you got my keys?"
"What?"
"I've lost me keys," says the squirrel, "and I'm locked out of my tree!"

And for the non-animal lovers:

Man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm.
"Pint of Guinness please, and one ofr the road."

:pac::D:D:D:D:D:D

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A man walks into a bar with a crocodile and throws it on the floor. Bar man says "you can't leave that lying there". Man says "its not a lion its a crocodile"

fred funk }{

A man walks into a bar with a Bear, you think one of them would have seen it!

Capt'n Midnight

A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show.

On the table was an upside down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner.

After some wheelin' and dealin' they settled for $10000 for the duck and the pot.

Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a ripoff! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!"

"So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot"

Capt'n Midnight

So, a duck walked into a bar, and asked the bartender, "Do you have any bread ?" The bartender replied, "No, this isn't a grocery store, get the hell out of here!"

So, the duck came back the next day, and asked the bartender "Do you have any bread?" The bartender said "No, I told you before, this isn't a grocery store, and I don't have any bread now leave!"

So the duck came back the next day, and asked the bartender, "Do you have any bread?" The angry bartender said, "NO! And if you come back and ask me that again, I will nail your bill to the wall! Now leave!"

So, the duck came back the next day, and asked the bartender, "Do you have any nails?" The bartender, puzzled, said, "No"
The duck goes, "Do you have any bread?"

Capt'n Midnight

How do you make a duck sing?

Put it in the oven till it's Bill Withers

evil_seed

An elephant, a giraffe and a donkey walk into a bar and the barman goes "Is this some kind of joke?" :pac::p

Tails142

Princess Consuela Bananahammock

evil_seed wrote: »

An elephant, a giraffe and a donkey walk into a bar and the barman goes "Is this some kind of joke?" :pac::p

I heard that one as an Englishman, Irishman anda Scotsman...


Duck goes into a bar, has a few pints, makes to leave.
Barman hands him a sheet of paper, "you're bill, sir."
Duck says, "So what if I fvcking am?"

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A baby seal walks into a club.

uncle ernie

Ikky Poo2 wrote: »

Man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm.
"Pint of Guinness please, and one ofr the road."

man walks into a bar with a roll of red tarmac under his arm. barman goes "you're ok but im not serving that cyclepath!"

WindSock

A rabbit walks into a bar and orders a pint and a ham and cheese toastie.

The rabbit returns every night for a month asking for a pint a ham and cheese toastie. One night the barman runs out of ham and offers the rabbit a cheese and onion toastie. "OK, if you're sure I'll like it" says the rabbit.

The barman doesn't see the rabbit again for a year until his ghost appears in the bar. "What happened to you" asks the barman. "I died" replied the rabbit.

''How?'' asks the barman.

"From Mixing me toasties" said the rabbit.