How long should it last ladies?

LegacyUser

Just curious,goin out with a guy and we've started having sex,I'm not very experienced at all,even though I'm 22. Just wondering how long is good for a guy to go at it for? foreplay and intercourse....a few of my pals have been askin but I 'm avoiding the question! What do you girls n guys think?

Tigger

depends if you have to go to workl buit long enough that yer both happy

if your asdking here i'd say make him spend a bit longer, communication is important

Nevyn

Anything between 20mins to 2 hours.

Oryx

The timing is not the most important thing, what matters is that you both are being satisfied by it. No point in him going 'that was great missus' if youre just getting started. Dont put any pressure on yourselves to watch the clock or make sure youre spending enough time. Do something for as long as either of you want to, then move on to something else. Its a marathon, not a sprint, and non competitive at that. Which is why Im specifically not mentioning any times here.

All that said, if your man is coming too quickly for you and then its over, discuss changing things with him, try stopping and starting penetration, and mixing up the things you do together to prolong the experience.

Quality

I'm with KTK,

It sould be long enough for you to come, and then him to come.

If that takes 5 mins thats fine.

But it is nice to draw it out and enjoy it too... As long as your not lying there thinking of what to put on your shopping list.

Just enjoy it. However long it lasts..

AARRRGH

Porn stars can make it last for hours, but there's no chemistry or passion.

I think I read something like 7 minutes is the average...

LegacyUser

Quality wrote: »

I'm with KTK,

It sould be long enough for you to come, and then him to come.

If that takes 5 mins thats fine.

Many, if not most women will not orgasm through penetrative sex alone.

Some do, and that's great but don't beat yourself up if you and your partner have to spend an hour with the hand before/after he's come.

I've been with girls who have never orgasmed too.

colly10

Agree with all the above, how long it lasts is irrelevant as long as your both fully satisfied, longer doesn't mean better. If your happy with how things are and you don't want to give them an answer just say it depends on how long it takes ye to cum (assuming thats true)

Marevlli

Jane33 wrote: »

I'm not very experienced at all,even though I'm 22.

Don't apologise for the fact that you're not very experienced at 22.

You're young. There's more to life, and relationships, than sex. And there's more to sex than how long a guy "lasts"; otherwise its just two people using each other for pleasure rather than loving each other for their own sake.

Sex and the City has a lot to answer for.

monters

it shouldnt matter how long it takes - you shouldnt be watching the clock!!!!
aswell long as both parties are having fun and satisifed then who cares ?

fits

Marevlli wrote: »

Don't apologise for the fact that you're not very experienced at 22.

+1 People get there at different rates. All that matters is that what you do is right for you.

You're young. There's more to life, and relationships, than sex. And there's more to sex than how long a guy "lasts"; otherwise its just two people using each other for pleasure rather than loving each other for their own sake.

Sex and the City has a lot to answer for.

Its the learning that is half the fun.

It can be anything from a passionate opportunistic quicky, to hours and hours and hours stopping and starting. Its all good.

BlackMamba

KtK wrote: »

All that said, if your man is coming too quickly for you and then its over, discuss changing things with him, try stopping and starting penetration, and mixing up the things you do together to prolong the experience.

If he comes too quickly, try slowing down a little and then speed up again. Change the pace and see what happens. Even the most subtle of changes can have great results!;)

Miss Fluff

Jane33 wrote: »

Just wondering how long is good for a guy to go at it for? foreplay and intercourse....a few of my pals have been askin but I 'm avoiding the question! What do you girls n guys think?

Are you asking this so you can go back to your mates to report on the "norm" then? Are you uncomfortable with how long its lasting for you or just unsure whether its long enough in duration because you have nothing to compare it to? I am confused tbh

Marevlli

fits wrote: »

It can be anything from a passionate opportunistic quicky, to hours and hours and hours stopping and starting. Its all good.

But isn't this attitude part of the problem that afflicts the OP? Sexual intimacy should be about two things - union with the beloved and the creation of new life. We have instead turned it into a performance sport where what apparently matters is how long it lasts and what we can get out of it. The fact that the OP feels pressure in conversations with her friends about something that should be inherently private is profoundly depressing.

And where has this mentality brought us? More STIs, more broken relationships and marriages, more infidelity and more unexpected pregnancies and abortions.


My advice to the OP: find something better to talk with your friends about. And wait to have sex - there's no need to rush into it at 22.

AARRRGH

^-- You forgot to mention the Rosemary.

There is a reason we have sex for pleasure. It's called being human. Saying sex is only about two things - expressing love and creating new life - is plain wrong.

The OP's question is not immoral or shameful. There is nothing wrong with having sex, and there is nothing wrong with talking about it or asking questions about it.

fits

Marevlli wrote: »

But isn't this attitude part of the problem that afflicts the OP?

Which attitude? I do not understand.

We have instead turned it into a performance sport where what apparently matters is how long it lasts and what we can get out of it.

Well I for one, did not imply that by my comment.

The fact that the OP feels pressure in conversations with her friends about something that should be inherently private is profoundly depressing.

Why? Do you think it is something that should not be discussed? And why is that? I agree that noone should feel pressure, but it is good to talk about sex if people so wish.

And where has this mentality brought us? More STIs, more broken relationships and marriages, more infidelity and more unexpected pregnancies and abortions.

Ah yes... unlike the good ol days:rolleyes:, when women were banished to laundries for doing something so repugnant as having sex and getting pregnant.
Never mind all the people trapped in loveless marriages. They only had one life and it was ruined for many. But sure there was no infidelity or bastardism so its all good :rolleyes:.

Marevlli

dublindude wrote: »

There is a reason we have sex for pleasure. It's called being human. Saying sex is only about two things - expressing love and creating new life - is plain wrong.

The OP's question is not immoral or shameful. There is nothing wrong with having sex, and there is nothing wrong with talking about it or asking questions about it.

Having sex just to get pleasure is using someone. Having sex with a desire to give pleasure (even if in the hope and expectation of receiving it) is a different matter.

Of course there's nothing wrong with talking about sex per se. But there are ways of talking about sex that create pressures on people to act in ways with which they are uncomfortable that are unhelpful and unhealthy. Many studies show that young people felt pressured into first time sex and ultimately regret their early sexual experiences. I hope that most people can see that this is not a good thing. Social conversations about sex are just one form in which this pressure is conveyed.

My comment was aimed at pointing out that we live in a culture in which receiving sexual pleasure seems to be the be all and end all of sexual intimacy. While this is important, there are other issues at stake and these include giving pleasure, building trust, love and intimacy in a relationship and creating new life.

I fail to see how that is controversial or deserving of your scorn...

AckwelFoley

Well its difficult to know, but i do remember that with one partner having sex right throughout the length of the movie "Casino royal" on dvd.. not including extra features.

It depends alot on age too.. younger men in their teens anbd early 20s have less expierence.

In summary, id say normally between 15 mins and 2 hours.

Marevlli

fits wrote: »

Ah yes... unlike the good ol days:rolleyes:, when women were banished to laundries for doing something so repugnant as having sex and getting pregnant.
Never mind all the people trapped in loveless marriages. They only had one life and it was ruined for many. But sure there was no infidelity or bastardism so its all good :rolleyes:.

Please see my comment above which will clarify some of my other comments.

As for the good old days, well, they weren't ALWAYS so good. No era ever is, this one included.

The social pressures that lead to Magdalen laundries were unhelpful, there's no disagreement there. But I fail to see the relevance of that for the statements I made.

There is no doubt that we are dealing with sexual health problems that were unheard of just a few decades ago. We absolutely have higher rates of marriage breakdown, sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies than in the past.

This is not entirely due to greater sexual liberation, but it flies in the face of logic to suggest that this sexual liberation has not been a mixed blessing in some respects.

Please note, that is not to denigrate sex or even sexual pleasure. But there is a sense in which the receipt of sexual pleasure, and the use of other people in the process, has been hurtful for many people. A quick read of many other threads here would bear this out.

It's not all or nothing - we don't have to be either frigid or sex addicts. There is a healthy and respectful middle ground, and it may be that the pendulum has swung a bit too far in the other direction in recent years.

I hope this clarifies the issue fits!!

fits

Marevlli wrote: »

The social pressures that lead to Magdalen laundries were unhelpful, there's no disagreement there. But I fail to see the relevance of that for the statements I made.

Unhelpful? Well there is the understatement of the century tbh.

There is no doubt that we are dealing with sexual health problems that were unheard of just a few decades ago. We absolutely have higher rates of marriage breakdown, sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies than in the past.

And in the past we had a much darker and hidden selection of problems. I know where I'd rather be.

Please note, that is not to denigrate sex or even sexual pleasure. But there is a sense in which the receipt of sexual pleasure, and the use of other people in the process, has been hurtful for many people. A quick read of many other threads here would bear this out.

It's not all or nothing - we don't have to be either frigid or sex addicts. There is a healthy and respectful middle ground, and it may be that the pendulum has swung a bit too far in the other direction in recent years.

I hope this clarifies the issue fits!!

I do agree with you that our attitudes are still far from healthy and the pendulum is reacting to the repression of the past. It will settle with time.

But, the OP asked a very simple question and I understand neither why you singled my post out for attack, nor why you initiated this discussion here. Its not really the forum for it.

Wibbs

OK folks the topic is running away from us here. Take it to PM or humanities where the subject would be more comfortable.

Marksie

and back to teh OP question:

Try thinking not on performance and the end point. But on the journey.

It can last as long as you want it to, but even if you both obtain orgasm, it doesnt have to stop there.
its not a case of you have one, now its my turn to have one.

In bulding pleasure and energy, you move beyons such expectationa of performance and time pressures and constraiints.

There is no set way for anything, allow yourselves the freedom to explore, not by listening to media or friends, but by discovering for yourselves

Dragan

Marevlli wrote: »

Having sex just to get pleasure is using someone. Having sex with a desire to give pleasure (even if in the hope and expectation of receiving it) is a different matter.

No it's not. I predominantly have sex to give pleasure, the main reason being that it gets me off.

If I applied your views to my life then i am still using someone.

Personally OP i suggest you concentrate more on the two of your in your relationship. Do you both enjoy your sex life and are you both fully satisifed? If not then chat about it between the two of you.

Never apply anyone else's reasoning to your own sex life.....it's too personal a thing for that.

Zulu

Length of time is inconsequential.
You could be banging away like a screen door in the wind for 2 hours with a stranger, but it could be sh1t sex.
It could be all over and done with in the 5 mins before you get up for work with the person you love.
Do you enjoy it? Are you satisfied? Then it's long enough. If you find you are almost there... ... but it stops, then you could probably do with a few more minutes

Zulu

Marevlli wrote: »

Having sex just to get pleasure is using someone.

Pish, posh, what absolute crap. :rolleyes: So I'm using my OH? She won't be impressed when I tell her that!

Marksie

Okay everyone...not singling anyone out here btw, but could we all move past maravelli's post as not being on topic.

Tigger

Marevlli wrote: »

My advice to the OP: find something better to talk with your friends about. And wait to have sex - there's no need to rush into it at 22.

i don't normally do smilies but :rolleyes:

She Devil

Sex isnt all about "coming" ya know!!!!!

Sometimes i actually like when my boyfriend does and i doesnt, i like that he enjoyed it! Because he always puts so much effort into trying to make it good for me.

We average 20 - 25 mins!