We secretly love farts!!!

gloobag

Do ya ever notice, that when you or someone else slices off a serious slice of Kilmeadan, and you and your mates are all falling around the place saying things like:
"You rotten cnut" or
"What the fcuk died in your ass" or
"Who dropped a depth charge" or
"The Devil's just aborted a poop baby in your stink hole",
That you're secretly sitting there still sniffing it, and think to yourself "Sweet holy fcuk but that smells good!!!"???

You know you are.

No?

Just me then

Xavi6

That's three fart threads this week. Exciting stuff.

I just let a whopper by the way and I love it!

Jigsaw

If you hold your naked arse against an empty wooden wardrobe and fart you get a cool effect. Pure amplification. Much like how an acoustic guitar works.

Anyway, can't chat must meet the girlfriend. Erm............oh wait.

randylonghorn

Xavi6 wrote: »

That's three fart threads this week.

Yeah, AH is definitely going down the toilet recently ...

Cool_CM

Generally yes, but today it's been chemical warfare, I even managed to gas myself a few times which just goes to show that everybody doesn't love their own brand all of the time. Still i was in some way proud that I was the cause of that putrid stench I left wafting on a German S-Bahn, serves them right, it was their food that caused it!:cool:

AckwelFoley

if AH gets any worse im going to lose my title as boards worst poster.. then id have to delete my sig. :mad:

These threads for the cuckoos nest.

Cool_CM

snyper wrote: »

if AH gets any worse im going to lose my title as boards worst poster.. then id have to delete my sig. :mad:

Aye, tis slim pickings at the moment!

admiralofthefleet

tandoori bite in richmond street provides the best ammunition for haymakers. but the funniest type of fart has to be the 'crop duster', you start farting at one end of the room and finish at the other, thus giving everyone in the room a taste of your guff

randylonghorn

snyper wrote: »

These threads for the cuckoos nest.

Nooooooooo!!11!! :mad:

They're way below tCN standard as well!

Cool_CM

Plus who are we to deny the people who come on when they start work in the morning the opportunity to see what madness went on whilst they were asleep?

Xavi6

snyper wrote: »

These threads for the cuckoos nest.

LEAVE tCN ALONE!!!!

Overheal

Only when I've eaten a lot of dairy or cooked Mac and Cheese, for which my own recipe requires 800g of cheese and 1-2 pints of milk

I've never dispersed such wonderfully airborne pathogen

FlutterinBantam

Personally I find that a rich kebab with plenty of trimmings usually partaken after a good few pints builds up a lot of gas in the gut.In fact I have noticed and experienced a particular fart which usually accompanies such an eating regime.

It's called the "string of pearls".
it's as if each fart was individually packaged and exits the poop hole in orderly manner. One can get up to 10 or 12 pearls off without drawing attention to the noise.
I find it wise to leave the area ,especially at a party, as the peg is pretty foul.

Xavi6

The best and most disgusting farts come the morning after a night on the Guinness. The black stuff plays havok with my system and the stench produced is quite unbearable. Love it!

s_carnage

Xavi6 wrote: »

The best and most disgusting farts come the morning after a night on the Guinness. The black stuff plays havok with my system and the stench produced is quite unbearable. Love it!

How true!!! Guinness should really come with a warning.

:eek:Beware following day rancid side-effects!!!!:eek:

FunkZ

A few pints of Bulmers, a pizza and the next day I'll be on fire!

Defenestrate

Ah excellent! I was just thinking, there really aren't enough fart-related threads these days. :rolleyes:

Xavi6

Defenestrate wrote: »

Ah excellent! I was just thinking, there really aren't enough fart-related threads these days. :rolleyes:

Here's a revolutionary thought, if you don't like the thread then don't post in it.

javaboy

Xavi6 wrote: »

Here's a revolutionary thought, if you don't like the thread then don't post in it.

Miaow! Saucer of milk for Xavi


Anyway we all know dogs have the smelliest farts especially when eating wet canned food. So just eat some Pedigree Chum for a rancid bum. Top breathers recommend against it!

Defenestrate

Xavi6 wrote: »

Here's a revolutionary thought, if you don't like the thread then don't post in it.

Nah, the wheel was a revolutionary thought, putting a filling in between bread to make a sandwich was a revolutionary thought, the industrial revolution, now THAT was a revolutionary thought.

Acting like a boards tough guy... nah that's just sad.

Xavi6

Defenestrate wrote: »

Nah, the wheel was a revolutionary thought, putting a filling in between bread to make a sandwich was a revolutionary thought, the industrial revolution, now THAT was a revolutionary thought.

Acting like a boards tough guy... nah that's just sad.

No acting tough about it. Many a thread gets spoiled by people coming in with their 'this is a stupid thread' bullshit. What's the point?

AckwelFoley

....thing is.

After a feed of drink.. you feel a whopper comming on..

You need to bve careful.. the whopper might be a shoite in disguise.

Nothing worse than soiling your togs

Defenestrate

Xavi6 wrote: »

No acting tough about it. Many a thread gets spoiled by people coming in with their 'this is a stupid thread' bullshit. What's the point?

OK, sorry if I offended you but what IS up with all these fart themed threads recently? Are Abrekebabra running secret special deals or something?

Cool_CM

Defenestrate wrote: »

OK, sorry if I offended you but what IS up with all these fart themed threads recently? Are Abrekebabra running secret special deals or something?

Nope but Supermacs have that whole snack box thing running... it can't be a coincidence

Defenestrate

Cool_CM wrote: »

Nope but Supermacs have that whole snack box thing running... it can't be a coincidence

The fools! Did they not consider the implications of this on greenhouse gases??! :mad:

whiskeyman

In primary school, I used to sit beside this lad with the most woeful farts ever, but it was like a party trick!
He used to sit on his wooly hat, and let one off... then inform the whole class, then pass around the hat so we could all have a whiff of the goodness...

s_carnage

whiskeyman wrote: »

In primary school, I used to sit beside this lad with the most woeful farts ever, but it was like a party trick!
He used to sit on his wooly hat, and let one off... then inform the whole class, then pass around the hat so we could all have a whiff of the goodness...

Don't tell me ye used to smell it voluntarily!??!!? :eek:

Zzippy

Ah its the old reliable "Farts are like children........ you love your own but can't stand other people's".

So true... and Guinness does it for me too. Going on the beer tonight. Looking forward to tomorrow already

admiralofthefleet

snyper wrote: »

....thing is.

After a feed of drink.. you feel a whopper comming on..

You need to bve careful.. the whopper might be a shoite in disguise.

Nothing worse than soiling your togs

indeed, nothing worse than gambling on the fart lottery and losing big

Ross_Mahon

Try this

Say "do ya smell that?" make it look like you farted, but you haven't.

People will hold their nose's and say "awhh the smell! thats horrible"

I've done this, and people seem to think that there's a smell? jerks :pac:

Drift

Jigsaw wrote: »

If you hold your naked arse against an empty wooden wardrobe and fart you get a cool effect. Pure amplification. Much like how an acoustic guitar works.

WARNING: I have found through painful experience that lady friends appear to be less than impressed by the subsequent skid marks on the door of the wardrobe. Hence I would recommend only partaking in this manoeuvre from inside the wardrobe.*



*Recording the duration you can stay inside the wardrobe and beating your personal best is an optional fringe benefit.

Calibos

did ya ever see the trumpet players with the bowl shaped thingie they hold over the end of the trumpet to vary the pitch??

I've tested this and the theory is sound Dog jumped 10 ft and didn't know wtf was going on!

Calibos

Originally Posted by Jigsaw
If you hold your naked arse against an empty wooden wardrobe and fart you get a cool effect. Pure amplification. Much like how an acoustic guitar works.

This also works with the dividing plasterboard cavity wall between the average bathroom and average brothers bedroom next door.

AckwelFoley

Ross_Mahon wrote: »

Try this

Say "do ya smell that?" make it look like you farted, but you haven't.

People will hold their nose's and say "awhh the smell! thats horrible"

I've done this, and people seem to think that there's a smell? jerks :pac:

what i do is say in a room.. do you smell that?

They say no.. what?

Then i let rip.. and say "that"...

StormWarrior

Hmm let me guess everyone who loves the smell of farts is male? Btw I feel sick after reading this thread.

Jay P

No way sir. I hate the smell of other peoples farts, i very much like mine tho

Xavi6

Anyone else a 'Duvet Wafter'? Has to be done. Especially if the missus is under there.

DetectivFoxtrot

Xavi6 wrote: »

Anyone else a 'Duvet Wafter'? Has to be done. Especially if the missus is under there.

what, pray tell, is a 'duvet wafter'?

gloobag

DetectivFoxtrot wrote: »

what, pray tell, is a 'duvet wafter'?

Also known as the "Dutch Oven" or "Hot Boxing"

311

If ever fart in someones presence ,I'll always say "Any more than two sniffs is a glutten"

Quite respectable of me I think:)

gcgirl

I always say ''whoever smelt it delt it'' and while i was rugby tour there was about 2 or 3 of the girls who could launch something else in to the air, 2 to 3 mile no fly zone should have been applied!! Plus my 4 year old son also farts like its gonna out of fashion!

Black Swan

Just think how the Green House effect could be reduced if these types of emissions could be reduced?

Sure that sounds silly, but the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) in the USA funded research to study cow belching and how it contributed to the Green House effect. It was a two year study at $75,000 USD per year! Washington State University conducted the research. Maybe someone should ask for money from the EPA for measuring people farts? Ha!

gloobag

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

Just think how the Green House effect could be reduced if these types of emissions could be reduced?

Sure that sounds silly, but the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) in the USA funded research to study cow belching and how it contributed to the Green House effect. It was a two year study at $75,000 USD per year! Washington State University conducted the research. Maybe someone should ask for money from the EPA for measuring people farts? Ha!

Reminds me of that episode of South Park where they discover that holding in farts causes spontaneous combustion :eek:

Red Hand

Blue_Lagoon wrote: »

Just think how the Green House effect could be reduced if these types of emissions could be reduced?

Sure that sounds silly, but the EPA (Environmental Protection Agency) in the USA funded research to study cow belching and how it contributed to the Green House effect. It was a two year study at $75,000 USD per year! Washington State University conducted the research. Maybe someone should ask for money from the EPA for measuring people farts? Ha!

I'll have you know that cow belching related methane is a huge contributor to the greenhouse effect, B!ue. $75000 isn't alot considering the billions that such research could save through combating climate change.

Further research related to belching found that there are certain bacteria found in Kangeroos that contribute towards the Kangeroo not producing as much methane when they belch or fart (even though they aren't ruminants). Scientists are currently looking at ways to modify this bacteria and introduce it to cows so that less methane is produced.

Fart and belch reducing research is at the cutting edge!

Overheal

Sometimes a really good fart is more satisfying than a good ****.