Did I miss my chance?

mollmo

Long story short: met an amazing guy on Saturday night…completely hit it off and had a great time chatting for hours. Closing time came, we had both had a few drinks, but neither too much. We kissed in front of the pub for a while then I invited him back to mine. I’m not that type of girl, but, well…I suppose I was that night. So we ended up sleeping together Saturday night. Wasn’t sure if Sunday morning would be strange, but it was just as lovely…hours of cuddling and talking and no uncomfortable feelings. When he left Sunday afternoon he said he would talk to me soon, but since then…nothing. I really liked him…did I mess it all up? I'm really down about the whole situation.

kittensoft1984

not necessarily.


im assuming he took your number and stuff?

if he had left right away on the sunday morning then yes i would say you fecked up but he stuck around. Maybe hes just been busy?

did you not get his number?

Nevyn

Have you been in touch with him ?

TouchingVirus

I'm sure you've already run over the usual things like you gave him the correct phone number but did he have a girlfriend? That could be the reason.

This was a one night stand, and by the sounds of it the guy is intent on keeping it that way. Either way, I don't think you missed your chance. I don't think there was a "chance" to start with, but that's not to say you're a lovely person or didn't show him a great time

mollmo

no, i didn't ask for his number. i had given him mine early in the night (he asked for it) when i hadn't a clue how far and fast it would go.

Dragan

Surely we are past the age where women feel they need to sit on the couch till a boy calls them?

Try giving him a call?

And no, you haven't missed your chance because you haven't even taken it yet.;)

mollmo

no indication that he has a girlfriend...he was out with a few of his friends (not that a guy would necessarily stop a friend from cheating). and if i gave a wrong phone number it wasn't intentional so no way of knowing for sure outside of running into him.

it's depressing all around.

TouchingVirus

mollmo wrote: »

no, i didn't ask for his number. i had given him mine early in the night (he asked for it) when i hadn't a clue how far and fast it would go.

Ouch, that's unfortunate. You're sorta hinging on the fact that he may call then, since that's all you've got to go on. If he was a completely random guy you're sorta at his mercy but if you knew more about him, like he was a friend of a friend or where he worked you could manufacture a scenario to reacquaint yourself if you're intent on taking that chance

Best of luck with whatever you choose to do OP but don't let it get ya down

Jimmy Bottlehead

Or (and I'm assuming you at least got his full name) you could be slightly stalker-ish and google him and check if he has a Bebo. If you get no contact, use that.

Dragan

mollmo wrote: »

it's depressing all around.

Why? Obviously you wanted to have sex with him and he wanted to have sex with you.

As of yet he doesn't seem to have lied to you in anyway. He said he would ring you and that was only a few days ago. To allow a random interaction with, at the end of the day, a total stranger to bring you down when it is what you wanted is never a good idea.

Be about your normal business and when he rings you store his number. Arrange a date and decide if you want it to lead to more sex or not.

Do NOT assume that because he rings you he is interested in a relationship. People like sex afterall.

mollmo

yeah, yeah...i know his full name and where he works (we talked for ages), but even initiating contact (like emailing him at work) seems a little stalker-ish...no?

Karen_*

Doesn't sound like you messed it up at all. You could still hear from him yet but if you don't then its nothing you've done.

Dragan

mollmo wrote: »

yeah, yeah...i know his full name and where he works (we talked for ages), but even initiating contact (like emailing him at work) seems a little stalker-ish...no?

If its done through any method of communication that was not provided to you then yes! Maybe a little bit, although some people will find it cute i suppose.

Catch 22?

Jimmy Bottlehead

mollmo wrote: »

yeah, yeah...i know his full name and where he works (we talked for ages), but even initiating contact (like emailing him at work) seems a little stalker-ish...no?

Well you ininiated something a lot more intimate than an email... if he's a good guy, he'll wanna hear from you. If he's not interested, he'll find it weird. Not too much to lose to be honest!

TouchingVirus

mollmo wrote: »

yeah, yeah...i know his full name and where he works (we talked for ages), but even initiating contact (like emailing him at work) seems a little stalker-ish...no?

Well I don't know how well you guys got on or whatever, it's up to you to see if you want to risk it? You've got nothing at the minute except uncertainty and if he doesn't reply it'll be certain and if he does then great

As for it being stalkerish? Nah, after sleeping with somebody I'd have time for them, even if it was only to tell them it wasn't serious and I wasn't interested

mollmo

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

Well you ininiated something a lot more intimate than an email... if he's a good guy, he'll wanna hear from you. If he's not interested, he'll find it weird. Not too much to lose to be honest!

interesting reasoning...may give it through the weekend and see how i feel about it. not typically my style though.

thanks for all the responses

Jimmy Bottlehead

Nae worries, of course I sometimes think that all the bastards stay off Boards sometimes and just leave decent chaps!!

Best of luck though, just be sure not to torture yourself or feel bad... get a decisive answer if you can.

mountain

OP, dont die wondering! Contact him, he will be surprised im sure, maybe very pleasantly, but at least you will know where you stand with things.

Then you will be able to put it behind you, or maybe even start with him,
you wont know until you have some more contact with him

mollmo

so to the guys posting here: you wouldn't be freaked if a woman you had spent the night with (albeit a great night) contacted you via email, when you hadn't given her your email address and she sought it out on her own?

for real??

i'm trying to put myself in the other shoes but don't know how i would react. suppose as another poster said, my reaction would be 100% tied to if i liked the person of not.

Jimmy Bottlehead

If he likes you, he won't be freaked out. Why would he be?

mollmo

dunno...suppose my base thinking is that if he likes me he would have phoned me.

though that goes back to the potential that i gave him a wrong number...which i think is likely a longshot. it's my phone number for chrissakes.

Jimmy Bottlehead

He prob doesn't wanna freak you out by ringing too soon... ironic, eh?

Placebo

Guys usually wait before they text so they dont come across as too needy, 3-4 days MAX.
however if he has not contacted you then im not sure if you should chase him.
Unless of course you're not gonna cross paths, in that case nothing to lose, HOWEVER if you do end up going out, at the start he may have a big head about things which branches out to other things but thats for a later topic

mollmo

Jimmy Bottlehead wrote: »

He prob doesn't wanna freak you out by ringing too soon... ironic, eh?

insanely frustrating is more like it

Miss Fluff

Dragan wrote: »

As of yet he doesn't seem to have lied to you in anyway. He said he would ring you and that was only a few days ago. To allow a random interaction with, at the end of the day, a total stranger to bring you down when it is what you wanted is never a good idea.

+1. You brought him back to your apartment on the promise of sex, you both gave and received. Am curious as to where you want this to lead? Do you want a relationship with this guy or meet up with him again for another night of passion? Be very clear here what it is you want. Personally speaking, phoning his workplace and getting his email address (after what to all intents and purposes at this juncture is a one night stand) to me is WEIRD:eek:. By all means do a search on Facebook and perhaps poke him but emailing him at work is taking it too far imo. If he is into you he will call you and I agree that men need a push sometimes but I wouldn't go to those lengths.

LegacyUser

mollmo wrote: »

Long story short: met an amazing guy on Saturday night…completely hit it off and had a great time chatting for hours. Closing time came, we had both had a few drinks, but neither too much. We kissed in front of the pub for a while then I invited him back to mine. I’m not that type of girl, but, well…I suppose I was that night. So we ended up sleeping together Saturday night. Wasn’t sure if Sunday morning would be strange, but it was just as lovely…hours of cuddling and talking and no uncomfortable feelings. When he left Sunday afternoon he said he would talk to me soon, but since then…nothing. I really liked him…did I mess it all up? I'm really down about the whole situation.

Been there and done that. Found out the only reason was cause he'd already gotta g.friend. Sh*tty buzz but put it into the "life experience" file n move on I suppose, dont text him apparently guys are well able to do this kinda thing.

Spud83

Wait for the drunkin text/call over the weekend. He prob just needs some dutch courage to contact you.



Hopefully he wont be too drunk.

AngryBadger

I have to ask OP why didn't you take his number?

Is there some reason why he had to be the one contacting you?

Gyalist

AngryBadger wrote: »

I have to ask OP why didn't you take his number?

She's "not that type of girl".

FuzzyDuck

Hi OP, honestly I wouldn't go beboing / looking for e mails. SCREAMS Stalker!!! Maybe try having a nosey on bebo or facebook or whatever. That way you could find out if he has a girlfriend? Then you'd know if your totally wasting your time. Although, if he had all Sunday to spend with you, and didnt go rushing off, I doubt he has.

The far less obvious and less stalkerish option is to go to the same place again this week - maybe you could accidentally bump into him again! Just make sure you look amazing and let him come to you first, if he's interested he will. And if not dont worry, his loss!!

marylou82

oh my god i had a very similar experience..

I was with a guy one night, same as you. we were together and i gave him my number.i thought we really hit it off.
So all that week, i waited,and waited, and waited.
I was V. pissed off:mad:
Then i got a phonecall 3weeks later from a mutual friend asking me would it be ok to pass my number on.....The guy had lost his phone and obviously hadnt been able to get in touch.
So i passed my number on..
and waited..
and waited...
grrrrrr was REALLY mad then....:mad:
so i went to the pub he worked in.. (wasnt TOO stalker-y, i drank there before,thats where we met!)...and i started chating to him. realised his was SO shy without a few pints in him...(As am I)..we chatted about the weekend and he said he was heading to a party.. i took the initiative and invited myself!!!!
we have been a couple ever since! that was three years ago now!!we live together and are SO happy.:D
it just goes to show....take a chance!!!you never know!!

Maggie Simpson

Oh dear....sorry to say but this sort of thing happens A LOT. And it's not cause you slept with him. People meet, kiss, hook up all the time & say they'll call/be in touch. And yes maybe he lost/has wrong number but chances are that he just doesn't want to see you again. I'm sorry if that seems harsh but I know many many people this happens too (me a few times too) and have also asked many male friends why they do it - it's easier if you don't want to see someone again to not contatc them rather than have the awkward call.

Now I might be wrong but chances are if you met last weekend - he would have been in touch by now.

p.s. Just to mention I once met a guy & we spent a whole weekend together - he then disappeared. Mates all said "he's probably dead!" but ran into him a few months later. He said 'I think you're a really nice girl & we had a great time but I didn't see it going anywhere"...it just happens. When I met my current b/f he called me the day after our first date to ask me out for dinner. So, men don't tend to wait around much either.....

dixiefly

For christ sake, just find out his work number / email address and contact hime nex week if you dont hear from him. He at least owes you to tell you where you stand. If he has an issue with you contacting him after spending the night with you then he is not worth wasting any time over. If you dont contact him and you dont hear from him then you will be wondering and it will continue to annoy you.
JUST DO IT!

FuzzyDuck

dixiefly wrote: »

For christ sake, just find out his work number / email address and contact hime nex week if you dont hear from him. He at least owes you to tell you where you stand. If he has an issue with you contacting him after spending the night with you then he is not worth wasting any time over. If you dont contact him and you dont hear from him then you will be wondering and it will continue to annoy you.
JUST DO IT!

Personally if I was a bloke and someone went to that much effort to get hold of me after one night id run for the hills!!! But thats just me.......

AngryBadger

dixiefly wrote: »

He at least owes you to tell you where you stand...

Why does he owe her anything? Two consenting adults spent a night and a day together, they didn't sign a contract FFS.

Nevyn

Gyalist wrote: »

She's "not that type of girl".

What claptrap, if you wanted to have contact with him afterwards then you should have gotten his number.

So shagging a person when you have just meet them that evening doesn't makes you "that type of girl" but asking for their number cos you might like rematch does ?

Maggie Simpson

dixiefly wrote: »

For christ sake, just find out his work number / email address and contact hime nex week if you dont hear from him. He at least owes you to tell you where you stand. If he has an issue with you contacting him after spending the night with you then he is not worth wasting any time over. If you dont contact him and you dont hear from him then you will be wondering and it will continue to annoy you.
JUST DO IT!

Utter madness - tracking someone (you've only met once) down at work cause they didn't get in touch is scary territory - how would you feel if you met someone, said you'd call, decided against it & then they called/emailed you at work??

People have the right to start up something - or not and sometimes best to just accept that.

AngryBadger

Thaedydal wrote: »

So shagging a person when you have just meet them that evening doesn't makes you "that type of girl" but asking for their number cos you might like rematch does ?

+1 to the max!

Irishcrx

Look without messing about the facts are facts. If he wanted to get in contact with you he will if he doesn't then he won't, chasing him down won't help if anything that will put him off.

dixiefly

FuzzyDuck wrote: »

Personally if I was a bloke and someone went to that much effort to get hold of me after one night id run for the hills!!! But thats just me.......

I am a bloke and if I liked the person I would not let that affect my opinion. Sounded like it was more than just a shag, that there was some chemistry there. Did he take the number down, he coul easily have forgotten the number or lost the paper.

copeyhagen

theres a good possibility he took the wrong number down. its happened myself a few times, been drunk enough to take the wrong number down, either that or they give me the auld 088 number on purpose

MCMLXXXIII

^ + 1

mollmo wrote: »

so to the guys posting here: you wouldn't be freaked if a woman you had spent the night with (albeit a great night) contacted you via email, when you hadn't given her your email address and she sought it out on her own?

for real??

i'm trying to put myself in the other shoes but don't know how i would react. suppose as another poster said, my reaction would be 100% tied to if i liked the person of not.

If I was avoiding you I would just sigh, and delete the email. If I had a good time, but took your number 12 hours before I actually departed and probably lost it, I would be glad.

I would email him and see what happens. He might need the dutch courage, but an email from you would make it a lot easier.

...or maybe he is "that type of person" and one night is good enough for him.

If he emails back then cool. If he doesn't respond, then you had a good time for a night and shouldn't contact him again.

DiscoHugh

It works both ways too.It's not just a "man thing". I had what I thought was more than a one night stand (I have had a few one night stands and this didn't seem like one) with a Colombian girl a while back.Just like you, spent the whole next day all cuddles and lovey dovey etc. but in the end for whatever reason it was just a one night stand for her. It's tough, but don't expect any closure or reasons for it, just move on and forget about it.

Oh and I certainly wouldn't go tracking him down. Awhile back I was on the other side of this and she added me on facebook and kind of reeked of desperation in the messages sent. Big Turn-off

Gemini Sister

If they meet a girl on a Saturday nite, 90% of men will call between the hours of 8 & 9 on a Wednesday evening. (Creatures of habit).

The likelihood of him calling is now diminishing by the second. I'd give him a 5% chance tomorrow morning.

I don't think there's any real harm in sending him an email or whatever, he can always ignore it and you really have very little to loose at this stage and yeah, you could have given him wrong number, I did that once. So do it?

The moral of the story is, if you really like someone, don't sleep with them, at least then you won't feel p*ssed off if it doesn't work out.