Family member stealing

LegacyUser

Hi all. I'm a regular poster on these boards but am going unregged for this one. Anyway this is the situation: a member of my family has been stealing. I don't mean anything big but has taken things such as an item of makeup from a chemist, packets of frozen veg from supermarket, etc. This has been going on for years on and off. I have seen it myself on at least four/five occasions over the last few years. I know some people might say that these aren't huge things but that's not the point in my opinion and this person has more than enough money to buy as many of these everyday things as she wants.

Anyway anytime I even remotely broached the subject this person would cop that I knew what they she done and would go on the defensive immediately, saying "What's your problem?", etc so I always let it drop and never really came out straight and said anything because I knew it would end in a huge row.

But it has been really bothering lately so I decided that I was just going to bite the bullet and talk to her about it. I told her that I didn't want a huge row but that I had seen her taking things from the chemist, supermarket, etc. She let on that she couldn't remember ever having taken anything from these places but said if I reckoned I saw her that she would take my word for it but that it must have been by accident or something (yeah right, but anyway).

I told her that I thought stealing was really despicable and that there was no reason for her to take anything without paying for it when she has a good job. I also told her that if it ever happened again let it be by "accident" or not I wouldn't be able to look at her. She promised that she would make sure that she paid for everything from now on.

The thing is I am still worrying about it though. Do you think she will stick to her promise or is there anything else I could do? Thanks in advance for any responses.

Victor

It seems a lot of women do this to get a buzz. I can't see her stopping just because you've asked her to. Next time you see her doing anything like this confront here there and then. Then to the GP and get a referral.

Staph

Victor's right. She gets a kick out of it, sort of like an addiction. She knows it's bad, but does it as she gets a rush when she gets away with it.
This is a mental problem, not moral- she needs to visit a doctor.
What do the other family members think, has anyone else mentioned it to her?

Miss Fluff

I knew a kleptomaniac in college, if she ever came to visit it would be a case of having to nearly nail things down, they steal things regardless of their value/use and do it for the buzz. If she is a kleptomaniac there is nothing you can do to deter her, it is a mental illness. You could always suggest Cognitive Behavioural Therapy.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kleptomania

LegacyUser

Thanks guys for you replies so far. In my naivity I actually thought that the fact that she didn't completely go on the defensive this time with the "What's your problem?" rant that it might be a good sign. Just wishful thinking I guess. The thing I'm also worried about is that if she does it again and is caught by someone else, e.g. manager of the shop that it will become a known fact - we live in a small town and news travels very fast! The embarrassment of having to listen to the gossip.

Staph

If she gets caught, it's HER problem. All the gossip will be about her and not your family. While you're making a great effort to help her- she is the only one who can address this problem. She has to realize her actions have consequences and a good talk from a store manager may help.
I realize it's difficult to see her behave so bad, and your are obviously worried. Perhaps you and another family member should discuss it further and say to her that you are there for support, but she needs to recognize she has a problem and address it.
Good luck!

LegacyUser

When I was a kid I use to be like this ,taking stupid stuff from easons and the likes.

Getting caught is not always a bad thing ,as it's the getting away with it that fuels the habbit.

LegacyUser

Not really in a position to discuss the situation with any other family member. Have learned from other situations in the past that that my family prefer not to know about problems and if you do say anything to them they refuse to do anythin about the problems.

Gumbyman

Sometimes you just have to let people learn their lessons the hard way, if they wont do it the easy way. She will either get caught or grow out of it. Hopefully the latter happens before the former.

Redpunto

Do you live with hre, do you see her most days? What age is she? If shes an adult then she knows what shes doing and you've done everything you can to help her. DOnt worry about it. If she does get caught then it might give her a wake-up call.