Lazy...i

LegacyUser

I'm a little lost in life right now, I'm a 22 year old male and the reason I'm slightly sad is because I have a SLIGHT squint in one of my eyes. I've had it since I was a kid but since I turned about 17 it's made me really self conscious.
When I use corrective lenses or glasses you can barely notice it, but I still notice it. I'm self conscious at looking people in the eyes for too long and when I go out it adds to hinder in my ability to interact with new people.
Most new people I get comfortable (i.e. hang out with a few times through other friends) say that I’m really funny and easy to get along with.
I've been in serious relationships both with good looking girls one for 1 1/2 years and another for 2 1/2 years and it didn't seem to bother them. But since my last relationship a year ago it's been hard for me to well….. meet new girls as this has become more and more a decapitating factor.
For instance, A girl who works behind a bar at a nightclub recently asked me out, I had to turn her down for fear that just cause the club is a little dark if I go for a drink one on one and have to look at her she will just notice, go all (iffy) and leave.
Most of my friends and my friend’s girlfriends say I’m good-looking and ask them/me why I don't have a gf. I just can't seem to muster up a conversation with new people. Never mind getting into a physical relationship.
I've had consultations with my eye specialist who refuses to do surgery as he says it's a minute squint and that the glasses/contacts correct it. He says it’s only for cosmetic purposes and there is a chance that the surgery will make my eye worse in my late 30's. Well tbh I could easily live with that as I'd like to meet someone special and start a family a long time before that.
Most of the time I sit at my computer at night time and wish I had a different life, that I just didn't exist. It's really getting me down and I just want to be able to go to a job interview / out with friends, order take away, go shopping without the thought of people judging me on a daily basis.

Any advice on surgery or how to overcome this nauseating blight is greatly appreciated.

Ps: Sorry about the rant.

geminilady

i dont think there is any need for u being so self conscious. as u say urself ur really funny and easy going. id say people hardly realise when ur in conservation there prob worrying about themselves. If you dont get these insecurities out of your head its going to ruin your life. Have u thought of assertive classes, i heard there meant to be good with confidence, maybe hypnosis might help too.
I'd say ur blowing this way out of porportion sure ya have girls coming up and asking ya out. U have to learn to love urself, every single bit of you. I dont know of surgery but you could ask your GP they might be able to help. Good luck : )

Moss

You could have Body Dismporphic Disorder: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Body_dismorphic_disorder

Mr. Incognito

The squint has become an excuse for you and a focus for negative feelings- a squint is that, just that- hell I have a pronounced tick myself and I was in my 20's before someone pointed it out to me- I genuinely didn't know and have since forgotten all about it.

re-building your confidence is not going to be done by sitting in front of a computer all day. Get outside- make a friend, and leave the paranioa at home for a day.

Noelie

Do you wear glasses? if the squint is small the frame form the glasses would probably hide it.

Also just because you notice the squint doesn't mean everyone will, my g/f asked me about a mole i have on my neck, she only noticed it after going out with me for 2 years.

I'd say go back to the girl in the bar who asked you out and ask her out if you think she is still keen. See what happens.

LegacyUser

Hi OP
I have the same issue as you, a slight lazy eye. This is aggravated by my astigmatism so if I don't wear glasses it's more noticeable. I am fortytwo and this have been an issue since my late twentys.

When ever I'm in photos I can see the lazyness and I often look away or intentionally blink/ squint in photos. It also get worse by drink. I tended to counter by always looking sideways at people or just glancing at them. I would also move my head about so my eyes didn't fix steadily on theirs.

BUT - I refuse to let it get the better of me. Only once has a stranger made fun of me, a couple of times friends. You just have to take it on the chin and laugh it off. I have been with a fair few girls and none of them broughgt it up and when I did they said it's not so bad. You see - they look at your whole person and you focus on a tiny bit. Other people have a big nose, protruding ears or are just plain ugly ;-)

Nikster

I have a squint too, but it actually gets worse when I wear glasses or contacts cos it means my eyes don't have to work so hard. I am VERY conscious of it, especially when I'm drinking cos it gets a million times worse, but I don't let it get in the way of my life.

If I'm getting to know someone new I usually sit on their right side so my good eye is closest to them. That way when you're looking at someone a little to the side, rather than straight on, the squint isn't really noticible.

Usually if you're getting physically close to someone you'd both be cross-eyed anyway because it's difficult for anyone to focus properly up that close.

Try not to worry about it. It's probably not as bad as you think it is. We all have little defects with our bodies that we think are hugely noticable, but other people don't really notice them at all

Korvanica

Dude you shouldnt worry about, i have a really lazy eye and it squints like mad, doesnt bother me though, i can still see through it and thats all that matters, if you come accross anyone who is bothered by it fcuk em, they're not worth your time.

LegacyUser

hi id just like to say that OP i know exactly how you feel...i have a slight squint in my eye for the past 2 years and i am so self consious of it.even though some people dont notice it-i would.once me and my friend were having an important conversation and she said- why arent you looking at me.i was like i am!!!!its was frustrating i nearly burst into tears..because the eyes they are such a simple and important thing and you just expect them to be normal like everyone elses but they arent!

im just wondering OP, have you ever tried vision therapy?because i was researching it on the net and wondering if it works im thinking of going to the doc about it.this way it could improve the strength of the eye and the squint?

LegacyUser

I've read up about vision therapy and it's meant to be very successful depending on whether you want to put in the effort. However, I don't think anywhere in Ireland does this treatment and the closest place I Know of is in cheltenham England!

LegacyUser

are you sure because i think it can be done here in ireland if you go to an optomologist(sorry im not sure if i spelled it correctly!) they will teach you the techniques to improve the sight in the eye.having read up on it also, it seems that techniques like eye patching work.this is where you wear an eye patch over the good eye forcing the bad one to focus properly and strengthen the muscles ann nerves from the eye to the brain.it seems this can also be done by wearing a contact lense on on the good eye which makes the good eye hard to focus so you use the bad eye again this is supposed to strengthen it.theres other exercises like looking at the tip of a pen with your two eyes for a few minutes, and also repeatly diverting your eyes in a sequence, like looking at an object close up, then an object far away and then another object somewhere else at speed.

have you researched it on the net?if u just type in "eye exercises to improve lazy eyes" into google theres loads of them on the net so you can just do the exercises yourself.

take a look at this site for example:

www.eye-exercises-for-good-vision.com?eye-exercises-blog.html

moco

I honestly don't think there's anyone who would judge you for having a slight squint. It's just part of you and anyone who likes you won't be in any way bothered about it!! I actually think it's quite cute, the first boy I liked in school wore glasses and had a bit of a squint.

Really, the only person who is bothered by it is you.

I'm the opposite in a way, a couple of people have told me I can't say my Rs properly but they sound fine to me!