Member of my family miscarried

LegacyUser

My sister miscarried yesterday at 15 weeks so my question is "I dont know what to do",
any suggestions??????????????

Rev Hellfire

I suggest you do nothing.
Leave her and her other half (assuming there is one) to get on with it.

John Mason

there is nothing you can do expect let her get on with it and not be in her face 24/7

LegacyUser

Sould I send a "thinking of you card" with a note or anything

Nevyn

MAybe they do want to be alone to get one with it or maybe she would love her sister/brother to there for her.

It;s complicated, I would suggest that you do some reading your self and then be read to listen to her and understand the reaction can range from not that upset to full on greiving,
or it could take a while,it depends on the person.

http://www.miscarriage.ie/

There is also the parenting forum here http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=251
there are a a few posters who have been there unfortunately themselves.

Beruthiel

littlemissbusy

I have deleted the comment you made above.
Do not come onto this site to pimp your business.
If I catch you doing it again, I'll site ban you.
B

chuci

op id depends on a lot of things. like are you and your sister very close? is there another half involved? if your close then maybe she would like to have you around for her not 24/7 though just to call over for a cup of tea or the likes. if she has another half id let them too it for a few days maybe send her a text or a phone call say that your thinking of her. its a very personal thing grief im sure being her sister you would know what she would want.

Marksie

Being present is perhaps the only thing you can do. We dont know the closeness of your family.

But just be there, if your sister wants to talk or exporess, then listen and comfort.

Quality

Having been through the pain of losing a baby myself, I would suggest that you just ring her and tell her that you are thinking of her all the time, and that if she would like to talk to you about anything that you are there for her.

I found it hard to talk to people who had not gone through a miscarraige because they did not understand the feeling of loss. It is the most empty feeling in the world.

It annoyed me when people made sweeping statements like... "Something was wrong and that is why the pregnancy didnt continue" "Or now wasnt the right time".

It took me a number of months to get over my loss, Somedays are better than others. I still think of what my baby would have been like every day.

And maybe suggest to her that she plant a tree or something out in the garden to remind her of the baby. Buy her a little guardian angel as well.

Tbh she has to go through this by herself, but just being there to listen to her would be a great help.

Loopy

Quality wrote: »

I would suggest that you just ring her and tell her that you are thinking of her all the time, and that if she would like to talk to you about anything that you are there for her.

Thats the best advice you will get. My sister recently had one and its what I did, I wasn't in her face but she knew I was there if she needed me. Its a tough experience and it affects people differently.

Miss Fluff

Yes, make it quite clear in your phonecall that you are there whenever she needs to talk and then leave it at that. Different people have different coping mechanisms, all your can do is offer unwaivering support from the onset, it is then up to her how she chooses to take you up on your offer.

Dudess

Quality wrote: »

Having been through the pain of losing a baby myself, I would suggest that you just ring her and tell her that you are thinking of her all the time, and that if she would like to talk to you about anything that you are there for her.

I found it hard to talk to people who had not gone through a miscarraige because they did not understand the feeling of loss. It is the most empty feeling in the world.

It annoyed me when people made sweeping statements like... "Something was wrong and that is why the pregnancy didnt continue" "Or now wasnt the right time".

It took me a number of months to get over my loss, Somedays are better than others. I still think of what my baby would have been like every day.

And maybe suggest to her that she plant a tree or something out in the garden to remind her of the baby. Buy her a little guardian angel as well.

Tbh she has to go through this by herself, but just being there to listen to her would be a great help.

Quality, that's beautifully written - it communicates so well what you experienced, and I wouldn't be surprised if anyone reading, who has been through the same thing, found it most valuable. I'm so sorry for your loss.

OP, tell her if she feels like crying and crying and crying an absolute river on someone's shoulder that you can offer her that shoulder. I know that would probably be upsetting for you too, but crying can often be very therapeutic.

LegacyUser

Its my sister, we are close but not majorly......there are only the 2 of us and I 'm
12 weeks gone myself and she doesnt know yet so its going to be hard when I tell her, I'll leave it for another month or two....Its just so hard, what do you say........

Quality

Lisa,

I am sure she will be delighted for you..

I had only found out that my bf was expecting the day I started to mis. I felt very worried for her and concerned for her at the time, cause I didnt want her to be worried about me when she should be enjoying her early stage of pregnancy.

She has a beautiful baby boy now and I couldnt be happier for her.

Try to relax, Its not your fault this happened. Just be there for her, and look after yourself..

babydoll2008

I myself suffered a miscarriage at 12 weeks and i personally just didnt want to talk about it.
Didnt want anyone around me for about the first week but then i was up for talking about it and it helped so much more.
Just dont push your sister into talking just let her know that you are there for her and that when ever she wants to talk you'll listen.
Also make sure she gets plenty of rest.

Overheal

So OP youre worried you will miscarriage too?

di11on

Yeah, best thing is to let her know you're thinking of her and you're there for her if she needs you.

If you try to say something, with all the best intent in the world, you'll probably say the wrong thing.

My other half miscarried and you wouldn't believe the stupid things people say. Her mum said: "ah you were probably just tired" and someone else said "Ah sure you've got XXXX (our dd)." Honestly... like we'd lost our keys and just had to get another set cut.

It's a very emotional and sensitive time... say nothing and be supportive. If she wants to talk about it - she will.

Don't forget hubby either... they are affected too you know :-)

Victor

Lisa B 1973 wrote: »

Its my sister, we are close but not majorly......there are only the 2 of us and I 'm
12 weeks gone myself and she doesnt know yet so its going to be hard when I tell her, I'll leave it for another month or two....Its just so hard, what do you say........

I think if you find the situation is stressing you, have a quick word with your GP or maternity team.

seahorse

babydoll2008 wrote: »

Just dont push your sister into talking just let her know that you are there for her and that when ever she wants to talk you'll listen.

I'd pay heed to this Lisa B. My own sister has this awful AWFUL habit of poking her nose straight into my business, and the sadder the business the more interested she is in it. Her behaviour has caused me to coin a new phrase - 'grief tourism'. God she drives me mad with it, so much so that if I had a miscarriage I know for certain I'd be very strongly inclined not to tell her.

Of course maybe your sister is the type of person who could benefit from some extra attention and tlc now, but just be sure that's what she wants and needs before you extend it.

She Devil

Last year i suffered two, each time i was totally different, i found it hard to come to terms with, but still wanted people to talk outright to me instead of pussy footing around me! I also wanted it to be just me and my boyfriend for a little while!! I don't mind talking to people unfortunately i want it on my terms, i'm so sick of hearing people say "you have to talk ..." "Sure maybe there was soemthing wrong with the baby?" the worst "You are young you can keep trying" Then the second time ... "Maybe you should get checked out?"

To answer your question ... if i were you i'd text your sister once a day to let her knowyou are thinking of her ... arrange to meet up with her but leave it up to her and don't push it .... my sister in law was two weeks ahead of me in her pregnancy .. she just found out the sex of the baby last week so i keep thinking i should be doing the same next
its tough but i'm big enough to realise this is a member of my family coming into the world, and i have to get over it and move on but grieve in my own way!
congrats on your pregnancy op all the best with it xx

marti101

jusbe there i know ive had 3 miscarriages myself and each one affected me differently,maybe in acouple of weeks tell your sister that your pregnant and ask her for some advice and let her be included.if she has other children be practical maybe offer t bring hem to school or mind them for an hour i know his sister brought my kids to school and that helped me as it was 1 less thing to worry bout