depressed...maybe?

missingyou

I just feel like ive hit a bottomless pit and i dont know what to do, my whole life seems to be falling into shreads. I dont want to do anything anymore but lie in bed. Im repeating my leaving cert and moved in september from donegal to dublin to do this. im all alone here but am in digs. I feel like i have no friends here in dublin to really turn to and constantly feel that when i do turn to one girl who has really been here for me this year that i am one of those friends who always goes on about her problems.

Ive had a really rough year I guess but the thing is its taking it toll on me now. Im skipping school for no reason but just to lie in bed. My parents found out about it and im still doign it but they went furious at me. Im not studying at all either and its so close to my leaving cert.


I feel so lonely and my boyfriend who is in belfast, well i guess we have been having problems. im so afraid he is going to break up with me that my whole world seems to be throwing itself upside down. please dont leave me posts not to think about him or to dump him cause it wont work. he is the love of my life and always will be, you know when you just know? im so sad and i dont want to say im depressed cause i really dont think i am but just sad i guess and in a rut.

The thing is a couple of months I started cutting myself but with the help of my boyfriend i stopped doing that. the thing is i keep wanting to do it now and its taking all my will not to. I think im starting to get bulimia as well, after dinner the first thing i do is get sick straight. i dont do this every night but for the last two weeks ive done it. it isnt controlling me or anything its just i want to be skinny, and i guess thats a terrible attitude to take that being skinny means being happy, and i know it is but i still feel it.

I guess i just wanted to write this here so that I duno even get it off my chest. I really dont want any bad replies on how im being stupid. I know that i dont really have anyting to be sad about, not really not compared to other people. but i just wanted to tell someone that, im not coping.

heavyheart

No one can tell you that what you feel is stupid . You sound so terribly unhappy and would seriously advise you to seek counseling. I no its easier said then done but you need to find out the underlying reason as to why your feeling the way you do and the only way to do this is to seek professional help.

missingyou

i really just dont want to, i dont want people to think me weak and stuff. i always feel like im the one who has the problems. im suppose to be in school now, its not like im doing anything now.

heavyheart

missingyou wrote: »

i really just dont want to, i dont want people to think me weak and stuff. i always feel like im the one who has the problems. im suppose to be in school now, its not like im doing anything now.

well you have 2 choices , stay as you are and continue abusing yourself mentally and physically or ....get help.
Listen , i no counseling doesn't sound like the most appealing thing in the world but trust me it works and wouldn't it be worth it if it could help you stop feeling like your feeling?
Counseling is a very private thing between you and a counselor , there is no one there to judge you , they are there to help you be happy again and gain back control in your life.

I no which option i would chose ..

missingyou

i guess you are right, i just dont know why im feeling like this. i just want to reach out to my boyfriend.

heavyheart

missingyou wrote: »

i guess you are right, i just dont know why im feeling like this. i just want to reach out to my boyfriend.

i think if you spent a little bit of time sorting yourself out , everything else will make more sense....

missingyou

but i cant lose my boyfriend and i really feel like im losing him right now....

Drift

I think OP that you may be suffering from a feeling of being overwhelmed. There's so many things that you want to correct/put right that you don't know where to start and this makes you feel inadequate and leads to the other problems. I think you should list out the priorities in order of importance:

1. Cutting Yourself
2. Eating Disorder
3. Leaving Cert.
4. Boyfriend

I know the OP (and possibly others) will disagree with the order of point 3 and 4 but that really is the way you should see it right now. Yes your boyfriend is an important part of your life but when you're at leaving cert/early college age you shouldn't need to be "reaching out" or "winning him back" or any of that ****. When you're that age relationships and going out should be fun and lively not this Dawson's Creek soulmate crap that doesn't exist in the real world.

Points 1 and 2 are VERY important - you need to address these first. You say you're in Dublin - I hear Pieta House is very good for people with suicidal and self harming thoughts. You can just ring to book an appointment and seeing as you're skipping school anyway why not do something in the morning instead of lie in bed! It's totally anonymous too so your parents don't need to know. There are plenty of other counselling services listed in the Charter of this forum too. I would really urge you to talk to a professional OP because you have a combination of two things to address. It's more than likely they are linked in some way.

Next is the LC. It's not the be all and end all of your life in any way at all but nonetheless it's important to you at this juncture. It's only the 7th of April yet and you have been looking at the subjects for 3 years so you're going to have a fair idea of the material. The key is to start getting the exam technique down. The big thing it requires is motivation which you seem to be short of. I've a feeling though if you start sorting out the important stuff (i.e. the counselling) you'll start to feel better about yourself and the motivation will come easier.

Finally, the boyfriend. Forget this "reaching out" crap. When you're in school a boyfriend is your outlet for having fun. Are you having fun with your boyfriend? If not it's time to look at the way you spend time with him, if it's not fun and enjoyable why not change the way you spend time together so that it is.

Sorry about the long post OP. Even though the post is long I'm trying to show you that the problems you have are by no means overwhelming. You just need a plan to approach them. Some simple small first steps to get started.

Step 1: Find a counsellor - seeing as you're sitting on the internet on a Monday morning start now!
Step 2: Get out of bed early tomorrow morning you'll find that seeing as there's not much else to do you might aswell go to school.
Step 3: Funfair, cinema, xbox with the boyfriend when you see him next.

heavyheart

I no your in love and RIGHT NOW you feel like he is the only thing holding you together but you need to stand on your own 2 feet and get help. If he loves you he will be there for you and wait for you etc . You need to set your priorities and put yourself at the top of them , its by no means going to be easy but at least try .

missingyou

thank you for all the help, but it is really easier saying to ignore your boyfriend concentrate on yourself becuase I have tried it and its not helping... i know i sound pathetic and everything like that but i cant shake off this feeling....

heavyheart

Drift wrote: »

I think you should list out the priorities in order of importance:

1. Cutting Yourself
2. Eating Disorder
3. Leaving Cert.
4. Boyfriend


Step 1: Find a counsellor - seeing as you're sitting on the internet on a Monday morning start now!
Step 2: Get out of bed early tomorrow morning you'll find that seeing as there's not much else to do you might aswell go to school.
Step 3: Funfair, cinema, xbox with the boyfriend when you see him next.

Excellent advice , please use ....

missingyou

thank you ill try 2moro, and let everyone know how it goes

heavyheart

missingyou wrote: »

thank you ill try 2moro, and let everyone know how it goes

best of luck ..

missingyou

seeing the boyfriend on friday, want to tell him some of my feelings but dont know how to start at all.... any ideas how i should describe my feelings to him? dont want to make everything a big deal and add huge drama into the whole situation!

LegacyUser

From Nutrition & Diet Forum:

missingyou wrote:

Boyfriend called me "fat" and said my weight was getting out of control... so i better start with something... no scales in the house but im a size 10 on top and 12 on bottom... but gotta start working out and eating healthy... any suggestions on a diet plan?? :S this is what i have been at for the last few mornings with a few different changes here and there!!

He sure sounds like a keeper... Seriously, after all you've described, this sounds like the opposite of what you (or anyone) needs right now...

LegacyUser

Yes I'd agree, I think you are deluding yourself about your boyfriend and it only does take one weak link to bring everything down around it.

LegacyUser

I think I know how you feel.
But try to understand what you feel and the why.

You fear losing the BF.... going by that previous post and the fat comment, I dont think it could be much of a loss - then again he might just have put his foot in it. We all say stupid hurtful comments and PERHAPS it is just him being clumsy.

Course if it isnt.... you reallyyyy reeaaaalllyy dont need that cack.

Anywho.... as for the fear of losing him, that could come down to self worth. If you dont see your own worth, why should he or anyone else.... in which case you feel he's going to "wise" up and leave you.

Councilling is best. I wish I would take my own advice but hey ho. Scuze the language but grab the situation by the ballls, get angry, say to yourself you aint gonna let this "thing" drag you down. You ARE better than this. If the little voice in the back of your head says "Ahh but..." telll it to shutthe****up.... it works, its very hard for the negativity to chirp up and say its ****e if you keep shouting it down.

But just to repeat, get help, seek out a professional to talk to. If you feel confident chat to your folks. Its good to have some backup.

As for the Leaving Cert... Well, it might be a handy tool to get you through this. Its a matter of perspective. The LC might be what you need to keep occupied for the time being.

But if its getting in the way, making things worse. ****it. It is not the be all and end all.

The purpose in life is to be happy, not to have a zillion points.

All the best. You aint alone