Family Wedding Troubles

LegacyUser

My sister is getting married this July. She has asked me to give her away. I am delighted she has asked me and it is a pleasure.

However my father has started to guilt trip me and basically said to me. "If you were a man you would tell her that I should be giving her away". All I've said back is she asked me she is my sister I will not refuse her

Some background on the story. My parents split up about 3 years ago. My father and sister don't get on (And I can never remember them getting on) She has said to me that if our parents never split up she would have asked me to give her away.

I am happy to do it but just can't ****ing deal with the **** I'm getting from my dad. I don't really want to say anything to her as she is hesitant about even inviting him.

Some advice. any advice would be welcome because I dont know if i can hack this **** for the next 4 months

Beruthiel

Family Troubles wrote: »

I am happy to do it but just can't ****ing deal with the **** I'm getting from my dad.

If it were me, I'd nip this straight in the bud by telling my dad that instead of taking it out on me, he should address his poor relationship with his daughter and resolve this himself.
You're not his go between.

taylor1501

i totaly agree if your father is so concerned bout your sisters choice is obviously cause he still cares for her. so he should be trying to resolve it with her during the next four month and stop you getting all stressed.hopefully on the big day youll all have put your diffrences behind and come together as a family.best of luck

tbh

Beruthiel wrote: »

If it were me, I'd nip this straight in the bud by telling my dad that instead of taking it out on me, he should address his poor relationship with his daughter and resolve this himself.
You're not his go between.

Read what Beruthiel said ^^^^ and then say "bingo".

Abi

Beruthiel wrote: »

If it were me, I'd nip this straight in the bud by telling my dad that instead of taking it out on me, he should address his poor relationship with his daughter and resolve this himself.
You're not his go between.

Exactly. There is no other answer to this problem imo. If you were to take the problem to your sister, then she would feel like you are under pressure and probably relieve you of the job. Which you dont want. You have to be very firm with your Dad, and take Beruthiels advice, tell him go to your sister.

Dizzyblonde

Here's another vote for Beruthiel's advice - it's the way to go.

Miss Fluff

It's your sister's choice so if your Dad has an issue with it he should take it up directly with her.

nmk

If your sister knew that it bothered him and that his motives were good it might prompt her to reconsider him walking her up the aisle. However, as others have said, you're not the go-between. Emotions run high enough around weddings without people playing games and laying guilt trips to further their agenda, positive and negative. If your dad really cares about her, he won't want to stress her out more coming up to the wedding.

Maybe this is the wakeup call he needs to repair the relationship he has with her, and maybe the wedding isn't the time to address it. If he doesn't want you to give her away because he's afraid he'll lose face and just wants her to feel pressured into 'keeping up appearances' then I'd sympathise with your sister tbh. Either way, he needs to make contact as you getting more in the middle than you are is a recipe for disaster.

The Hill Billy

Family Troubles wrote: »

However my father has started to guilt trip me and basically said to me. "If you were a man you would tell her that I should be giving her away".

Your sister has every right to decide who gives her away. Hammer that point home with your father. Also, I'd turn the tables on him & tell him that if he were a real father, he'd try & make peace with his daughter & regardless of the outcome he needs to respect her wishes as an adult & his daughter.

Overheal

Might be a good catalyst for them to resolve their issues. I also back Beruthiels advice.