Date or What?

LegacyUser

Hey everyone,

Here's the deal. Am a student, was working in an office last summer, made a few friends there, particularly one girl who was working permanently. We said we'd keep up e-mail when I went back to college, and we did for about a month, but it kinda stopped. She had a boyfriend this whole time, so it was all friendly stuff.

Then she e-mails me over Christmas out of the blue, just to say hi. I ask her how things are with her, and she says the boyfriend has kicked her to the kerb. I felt pretty awful for her because I know how stressful work can get if you can't vent on someone close to you. I basically said that if she wanted to meet up, I'd be happy to do lunch - my girlfriend gave me the elbow last November, but it's not like I really fancied the girl from work; well, not then anyway!

So we did lunch, had a nice chat, couple of weeks later we did lunch again and then again - she works really long hours so she doesn't seem to have much time for socialising. We were talking about movies we wanted to see, I kinda suggested that we should go to one, but it was all very non-commital. It didn't happen in the end but she asked if I could meet her for dinner some night - this was a couple of weeks back.

I did and had a great time, very casual, just chatted. Quite into her, but don't want to come across too strong, especially seeing as she doesn't have too many social outlets right now, and I don't want to ruin being friends with her over the possibility of something more. We've kinda talked about dinner next week, but nothing concrete. She e-mailed me yesterday and said she was going to a movie by herself after work because she had nothing else on. I told her if she had needed company, she should have just said (I know that probably looked presumptuous on my part!) She said I was welcome to come if I wanted, but at the time I was busy and wasn't sure if she really wanted me there. So I just wished her a good weekend.

Do you reckon we're both just shadow-boxing and sort of feeling each other out? I'd just love to ask her straight forwardly to go to dinner some night next week. The risk of a communication break-down is huge, but I think if I don't make a move, someone else will.

Oryx

Yes it does sound as if youre both being a bit hesitant and careful here. But fortune favours the brave.:) I think its about time one of you were straight up and get this to move on to more than random meet ups.

Go on, chance it, whats the worst that could happen?

LegacyUser

Well she could assume I'm only after one thing and have no interest in her general well-being. That's what I'm worried most about, that she'd consider it an abuse of our relatively new friendship. See, I'm considerate! Too considerate!

BaZmO*

Dateorwhat? wrote: »

I'd just love to ask her straight forwardly to go to dinner some night next week. The risk of a communication break-down is huge, but I think if I don't make a move, someone else will.

What's the alternative? Wait until she categorises you into the friends bracket and then you watch her hook with someone else? How headwrecking would that be?

It's obvious you're both into each and you've gone on more dates with this girl without being in a relationship with her than a lot of people have that would class themselves in a relationship.

Step up to the plate my friend.

Sherifu

Dateorwhat? wrote: »

Do you reckon we're both just shadow-boxing and sort of feeling each other out? I'd just love to ask her straight forwardly to go to dinner some night next week. The risk of a communication break-down is huge, but I think if I don't make a move, someone else will.

Do it. You know what to do. Asking us is just to give yourself some confidence really. Ask her out, no need to rush anything.

LegacyUser

Yeah okay I'll go for it. But is dinner an obvious enough way of saying "I'm asking you out on a date, not as friends?"

Marksie

Dateorwhat? wrote: »

Yeah okay I'll go for it. But is dinner an obvious enough way of saying "I'm asking you out on a date, not as friends?"

I usually find that "i would like to ask you out an a date, would you like to go for dinner?" Is the direct, open approach. There is no room for confusion then.

Oryx

Dateorwhat? wrote: »

Yeah okay I'll go for it. But is dinner an obvious enough way of saying "I'm asking you out on a date, not as friends?"

Dont even mention the friends word. Just ask her to come on a date. I think if someone said 'not as friends' Id immediately think they want to jump me. Which might not be a problem at the right time, but would just create the wrong impression with me initially!

Todoquetengo

+1

don't be vague about it or you'll still be in the same situation, good luck

4Xcut

Make a move now and don't end up in the friend zone. You will end up there if you continue to provide emotional support and friendship and don't make a move. If you act like just a friend that's all you'll stay.

Worst case scenario she says no and you move on. Its better for that to happen than to not know.

Overheal

Are your respective Ex's a problem for either of you? If not, I say give it a chance.

Mr. Presentable

As Van Halen so wisely put it

"Go ahead and JUMP"

Look, it's obvious she likes you too, so, take a chance. Faint heart never won fair lady.

Or, to quote Dell-Boy

"He who dares, wins"

LegacyUser

Well, my ex was a life-leaching whore, and my escape was certainly lucky. From what I gather, she was dropped pretty rough by her ex, so it's more of a problem for her...but it has been four months.

As for her liking me...well, I just hope she does. I don't think I'm reading too much into it...I hope I'm not.

Overheal

Personally I'd go with that. The flow is going to go on, with or without you. It sounds like a good situation.

LegacyUser

Fine, I'll ask her tomorrow. I've had a real busy two weeks getting stuff done for my finals, would love a night out anyways. And when it all goes terribly wrong, I'll be back here to blame each and every one fo you.

"Qui audet adipiscitur"

LegacyUser

"I'd really like to take you out to dinner this week"

She said yes.

I'm happy.

Thanks yall.

LegacyUser

So having said yes to Friday (she asked could we do Friday, she was busy on Thursday) she bails. I sent her an e mail asking if she'd like to go anywhere in particular for dinner, and she e mails back saying there's a work function she has to go to. Well. That sucks.

I'm going out to get absolutely ****ing messed up.

Thanks for all the advice anyways though, guess it wasn't meant to be.